Reign of Shadows
by Lady Raion
Summary: AU Squinoa He 's a scizophrenic genius. She's a therapist who got too close to her patient. When he's accused of a crime he didn't commit, he runs to the only one he can trust. FINAL CHAPTER
1. Prologue: The Games Begin

A/N: Well, this is something new I came up with, so just read. Also, if some of you would go read my one shot Squinoa I recently posted called "Somewhere I Belong" I'd be eternally greatful. I put a lot of work into it, and the reviews I've gotten for it so far have been excellent.  
Prologue  
The sound of heavy footsteps and the ringing of phones invaded the small office space through the open door. How could anyone concentrate with all that going on? The young woman seated at her desk certainly couldn't. She tossed aside the file she'd been flipping through and moved to the door, peaking out into the hall as she did so. It was a perfectly ordinary day. People sat at their computers, endlessly clicking away information while others hurried around with urgent news. Men with gun holsters at their sides clutched steaming mugs of coffee while propping their dress shoes on their desk.  
Upon seeing those cups of coffee, she was suddenly reminded of how tired she still was. Throwing a glance back at the pile of papers on her desk, she decided that being away for a moment couldn't hurt. She quietly slid out the door and shut it softly behind her, as if wanting to escape unnoticed.  
  
As she was pouring the scorching black liquid into one of the provided paper cups, she heard a familiar voice behind her call out, "Hey, Rinoa!"  
  
She turned around and spotted one of the few friends she had at the police station. "Hey, Xu," she smiled. "Hectic day?"  
  
Xu rolled her eyes. "You know it. Hey, aren't you supposed to be working on the Xiaoyu case?"  
  
Rinoa blushed slightly. "I am. I'm just taking a little break."  
  
Her companion laughed. "Now what's happened here? When you first started this job you were all excited, working ninety to nothin'. Now you always seem so reluctant to return to your desk."  
  
She shrugged. "I guess it's not what I thought it would be. It's still interesting and all, but. Just sitting there at that desk all day. I have to go through the same files over and over again, trying to determine, why does this criminal act the way he does, and why did this one kill the people she did? When I first started studying psychology, and psychiatry I had this dream of helping people with it. Now I'm just determining who in a case is most likely to be criminally insane."  
  
"But you are helping people. When you help to determine what kind of victim a killer or rapist is going to look for, you help people know if they should be on guard. That's what being a criminal profiler is all about."  
  
Rinoa shook her head, not wanting to go further into the subject. She wasn't ready to admit to herself yet that she was missing what she had left behind before, much less to Xu. To get the attention off herself, she changed the subject, "So, what's new in your field?"  
  
Xu held up the folder she had been carrying. "A murder case."  
  
Rinoa sighed, "Let me guess, I'll be working on this one, too?"  
  
"I don't think so. This murder occurred in a mental asylum. Apparently one of the patients there murdered one of the doctors. So we already know this one is insane."  
  
"Really, can I see?" Rinoa asked, her interest suddenly piqued.  
"It would be against the rules."  
  
"Please?"  
  
Xu looked around as if to make sure no one was looking, then handed Rinoa the folder. "Alright, just this once."  
  
Rinoa glanced over the top page, scanning the details. "Male, twenty-four, schizophrenic," she read quietly. "Patient at Angel Haven Mental Asylum," she continued, her eye brows raised, then gasped. The name was all too familiar. "Squall Leonhart."  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
A/N: On to Chapter 1! 


	2. Chapter I: Blue Monday

A/N: Okay, the structure of this stories gonna be a little strange. Right now we're jumping back a year to see how Squall and Rinoa's relationship developed. After that, we'll return to 'present time'.  
  
Disclaimer #2: I'm not making fun of any people with mental problems or chemical imbalances. I have chemical imbalances myself. Feel free to laugh at the characters in this story because they are fictional. If I find out you're making fun of real people with mental imbalances, I'm gonna hunt you down and beat you, because it's mean!  
Chapter 1  
One year earlier.  
Rinoa Heartily heaved a nervous sigh as she stared up at the large stone building in front of her. The outside made it seem ordinary enough, with a perfectly tended landscape, a light blue wooden sign with the name painted on in white letters, and glass double doors leading into the lobby. But something about the twenty-foot chain link fence that surrounded it, and the bars across the windows on the upper floors made a person think twice before venturing into this place.  
  
She turned and gave a polite nod to the guard that had let her through the gate, then steadily made her way into the lobby. Inside, there were polished linoleum floors, a receptionist desk, and a waiting room. The waiting room, though small, seemed homey enough with black cushioned chairs and a painting of a barn house hanging on the above wall. Why, she wondered, did they try to make this place look so comfortable and innocent? Who could possibly be deceived, what with the guard outside checking IDs? She shook these thoughts away and proceeded to the front desk, rummaging through her pocket for her card.  
  
"Hi," she began, holding up her ID card. "I'm-"  
  
"Ms. Heartilly," the receptionist read off the card. "We've been expecting you. Take that door there to the right and go down the hall. Mr. Kramer's office is the third on the left."  
  
Rinoa just nodded and took the door that read 'Employees Only'. She found the office she was looking for and gave a gentle knock. When she heard a reply on the other side, she opened the door and was met with a warm smile from the man she had only met once.  
  
"Hello, Ms. Heartilly. It's great to see you. Are you ready for your first day?"  
  
She nodded eagerly and smiled. "I'm looking forward to it, sir."  
  
"Great, you'll start immediately. Your things have already been sent here, and are waiting in your room on the top floor. Now, you'll be working under Dr. Trepe. She's one of the best here, so consider yourself lucky. She'll show you the ropes, and get you started working with some of her patients. Go up to the fifth floor and ask for her at the desk. She's probably in one of her group sessions right now, but she'll get to you as soon as possible. Good luck!"  
  
She did as she was told, taking the elevator up to the fifth floor and asking for this mysterious Dr. Trepe. Before the staff had a chance to act a slightly older blonde woman sporting a white coat and glasses burst through one of the doors and studied Rinoa closely.  
  
"Is she my intern, or a new patient?" she questioned.  
  
"I'm your intern," Rinoa answered immediately. "Pleased to meet you, Dr. Trepe," she said, extending her hand.  
  
The doctor didn't take it but said, "I'm running behind schedule." She then pulled a folder out from the stack she was carrying and handed it to Rinoa. "Have someone show you to group room number three. You'll be handling some of my easier patients today while I'm tending to the others. The name's Quistis by the way," she said in a rush before heading down one of the many halls. "I've had some awful interns before that didn't make it!" she called over she shoulder. "Don't screw up!"  
  
Rinoa could only stand there, dumb-founded, until she noticed one of the nurses laughing at her. "She's not always this bad," she told Rinoa. "This is just a little first-day test she does on all her new interns. She likes to see how well they think on their feet. Now if you'll follow me, I'll show you to the room. Hurry, or you'll be late!"  
  
Rinoa followed behind the tall, skinny woman as she lead her through some twists and turns before finally coming to a stop in front of a door. It was a plain wooden door, with a thin vertical window in it. Next to the window was a small brass plate with the words 'common room #3' engraved on it. It was on the corner of a four-way intersection. The room across from it had large windows in it, and was filled with chairs, sofas, a TV, and a radio.  
  
The nurse followed her gaze. "That's rec room number three."  
  
"How many are there?" Rinoa asked.  
  
"On this floor, or in this building?"  
  
"Never mind. Thanks for showing me around," Rinoa said, before taking a deep breath and heading into the 'lion's den'.  
  
The door gave a painfully loud squeak as she opened it, and all eyes turned to rest on her. Few experiences were as awkward as this. For a moment she thought she was having a flash back of her first day at a new school.  
  
"Looks like the Doc's got a new one," she heard someone whisper. She chose to ignore it, and instead stepped in and took a seat in the chair at the head of the room. Looking out over the patients, she noticed it was just as diverse a group as you would find walking randomly on the streets. There were old men, and teenage girls, disheveled people, and clean-cut people. Mental dysfunction was not limited to any one type of person.  
  
"Hi, everybody," she began. "I'm Dr. Trepe's new intern, Rinoa Heartilly. I'll be handling your group today." She opened up the folder and looked at the top sheet. They were basic instructions for conducting group therapy. "Okay. So is everyone here?"  
  
At first no one spoke, then a young man with spiky blonde hair and a tattoo on his face, wearing hospital pajamas and clutching a teddy bear raised his hand. "He's not here."  
  
A girl sitting next to him rolled her eyes. "He's never here when he thinks he can get away with it, Zell."  
  
"So, your name is Zell," Rinoa broke in, making a mental note to check his files later. Just out of curiosity, really. "So who's not here, Zell?"  
  
"Squall," he answered simply, like it was the most obvious answer in the world. "They assigned him group therapy two years ago, and he's only been to about two sessions."  
  
"Well, it's too late to go get him now," she sighed. "Let's just move on without him. First off, we're all supposed to share something new we've learned about ourselves in the week since the last session. Zell, do you want to start?"  
  
Zell stood up nervously. "I learned that one of the nurses here is trying to poison me, and take my best friend away," he spoke in a quiet, cautious voice.  
  
"Who's your best friend?" Rinoa asked.  
  
Zell held up his teddy bear, "Chester. He stays up and keeps watch at night when I go to sleep. But Squall steals him sometimes, 'cause he's my roommate, and the nurse comes in and injects me with arsenic." He pulled up his sleeve to reveal a bright red mark where the nurse had probably injected him with a sedative. "It's the skinny bitch that works at the desk sometimes! I'm tellin' you, it's a conspiracy!" he yelled.  
  
"Thank you for sharing," Rinoa sighed, running a hand through her hair. She suddenly had the feeling that this was going to be a very long day.  
  
On the other side of a wall, gazing through a one-way mirror, Quistis turned to look at the tall, thin nurse standing beside her, an eyebrow arched in mock accusation. The nurse let out a giggle before quickly placing a hand over her mouth.  
  
"Sorry," she squeaked out.  
  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
As her group was filing out about an hour later, Rinoa stayed seated and shuffled through the papers in the file, in search of the name 'Squall'. She was determined to make a good first impression on Dr. Trepe, and that meant finding out why one of the patients left under her care didn't show up. When she found the name she was looking for, she scanned over his patient information page long enough to find what room he was in, then stood up with a look of determination upon her face. Now the only trick was to find it.  
  
She wandered the halls for quite some time, in search of the room 'C15'. After ten to twenty minutes of fruitless exploring, she found what she was looking for. Clutching her papers to her chest, she drew a deep inhale and knocked quietly on the door. There was no answer. She tried again, this time louder, but there was still no reply. Suddenly becoming worried that something might be wrong, she slowly turned the handle and ventured cautiously into the room.  
  
"Leave me alone, Trepe," she heard a rough, masculine voice say from the window opposite the door. She was met with the sight of a tall, dark-haired man in black pants and a white wife-beater. He stood with his arms crossed over his chest, staring out the window at the asylum entrance below. He had broad shoulders and perfectly defined arms that Rinoa couldn't help smiling slightly at.  
  
She nervously cleared her throat and said, "Excuse, but I'm not Dr. Trepe."  
  
The young man turned to glare at her with frosty blue eyes that seemed to look right through her. He had an irritated scowl on his face, along with a diagonal scar that was partially hidden by unruly brown hair. "Who are you?"  
  
"My name's Rinoa Heartilly. I'm a new intern here, and I was in charge of your group therapy session today. I noticed you didn't show up."  
  
"Oh, so I see they taught you something in college," he mocked. "'How to tell when your patient is missing'. if he's not there then chances are. he's missing. Brilliant deduction Dr. what was it, Hardy?"  
  
"Heartilly," she corrected with a sigh. "The point is, you were supposed to be there. I want to know why you weren't."  
  
"Who says I'm gonna tell you?"  
  
Rinoa put her hands on her hips. "I'm not here to play games, Squall."  
  
"Neither am I," he replied seriously. "And don't call me Squall. That's Mr. Leonhart to you."  
  
"Look, why don't you just-" she began but had to stop herself. It wasn't an appropriate thing to say to a patient.  
  
"Why don't I just what? What's the matter Ms. Heartilly? They didn't teach you what to do when a patient out-smarts you?"  
  
She took a deep breath to regain her calm, then said, "Since you failed to show up to group therapy, you're going to make it up in a one-on-one session with me sometime this week. I'll let you know as soon as I get my schedule straightened out."  
  
"And what makes you think I'm going to show up for that?"  
  
Rinoa smiled now, a wicked gleam shining in her eye. "Oh you'll be there alright. I'll make sure of it."  
  
With that said she turned on her heel and strode out the door with an air of total confidence. This was war, and she was determined to win it.  
  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
A few hours later, and Rinoa was sitting uneasily in Quistis' office on the sixth floor. Quistis was looking over reports, and her own account of the session she witnessed that day, while Rinoa sat in a chair in front of her desk, resisting the urge to fidget.  
  
Finally, when the silence became so unbearable that Rinoa thought she would explode, Quistis said, "Well, Rinoa, it looks like you had a pretty good first day. Hopefully you'll have much more of these to come. Now tell me, did anyone give you any problems."  
  
"Yes. A patient by the name of Squall Leonhart. He was absent from therapy, and when I went to find him, he was very rude. I was hoping I could have a private session with him."  
  
Quistis smirked slightly. "Ah, yes, Mr. Leonhart. You might say he's a good friend of mine. He's been here for three years and has hardly attended a single session."  
  
"Yes, well, I intend to get him there, trust me."  
  
The doctor held back her laughter. "Yes, well, by all means try. I give you permission to schedule an appointment for. Wednesday at six a.m. That will be the earliest you'll have free. Use any means you deem necessary to get him there, and give me a full report of it when it's over."  
  
"Yes ma'am!" she exclaimed before standing and leaving the office.  
  
Quistis' secretary, who had been standing in the doorway during the conversation, gave the doctor an odd look. "Dr. Trepe, why are you letting her taking over one of your patients so soon? And especially him. He's a special case of yours."  
  
She dismissed the question with a wave of her hand, "It doesn't matter. Even if she does get him there, she'll never be able to get him to talk. Rinoa's only an intern. What could she possibly figure out about him in one session that I haven't been able to in three years?"  
  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
A/N: Well, there you go! Please R&R! Tell me what you think! 


	3. Chapter II: Bad Starts

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the FF8 characters or locations that might be mentioned in this fic. I do, however, own the original characters and locations.  
Chapter 2  
It was Tuesday morning, and Rinoa had just passed her first night in the asylum. The rooms for doctors and nurses were on the tenth floor, the one on the very top. She hadn't slept well at all that night, a combination of nervousness and strange noises from the floor blow keeping her awake. She now stood near the nurses' station with a cup of coffee in her hands, enjoying the silent moment she had to herself.  
  
A sudden shriek from down the hall ruined this moment, and caused Rinoa to spill her coffee down the front of her shirt. A couple of nurses ran down the hall toward the sound, throwing open a door to one of the rooms and rushing in to see what was happening. Almost immediately one nurse came back out and ran to Rinoa, her face pale and her breathing shallow.  
  
"I have to go get some sedatives. No one else is on duty now, you've got to go help her!" With those words she headed into a locked room behind the nurses station.  
  
Rinoa, taking a deep breath in preparation, headed down the hall and inside the door that was cracked open slightly. What she saw inside made her gasp.  
  
The room was blank, with bare walls and two single beds spaced evenly apart. A young girl with honey blonde hair and hazel eyes was cowering in corner on the other side of a bed, a wide bruise covering one of her cheeks. She was gingerly touching her throat and gasping for breath as she trembled in fear. In the middle of the room, an older woman with faded red hair wrestled with the nurse, who was trying desperately to restrain her. The woman was clad in a hospital gown with her hair hanging in her eyes while she batted and hit at the nurse, all the while barking like a ravenous dog. Just when the nurse seemed to have her under control, the woman bit deeply into her arm, blood pouring out and causing the lady to release her hold. By this time the second nurse had returned with the sedative, and heavy-built man wielding a straight jacket. The man grabbed at the woman, but was still having trouble getting her into the jacket.  
  
"Don't just stand there, do something!" the nurse yelled at Rinoa, but she could only stand there watching.  
  
The man finally got her partially strapped into the jacket, leaving just enough space for the nurse to inject the sedative now that it was safe. Once the injection was through, the woman still carried on, but showed signs of slowing down as they dragged her to an unmarked, windowless room.  
  
The commotion inside the patients room had calmed down, the only sounds being that of the roommate's whimpering and the bitten nurse's cries of pain. The second nurse shot a disgusted look at Rinoa, then helped the other nurse up, examining her deep and painful wound.  
  
The younger blonde looked over at Rinoa, and said, "Where is she? Where are they taking her?"  
  
"I-I don't know," Rinoa stuttered before running out of the room toward the bathrooms. By then the other patients had come out of their rooms and were crowded into the hall in curiosity. They watched the new intern flee from the disturbing scene with judgmental eyes. Well, all except one.  
  
A young girl, possibly no more than a teenager, slowly began walking to the bathroom where Rinoa had disappeared. She opened the heavy wood door with a loud squeak and looked around for the woman that had overseen her group session the day before. Rinoa was propped up against the wall by a sink, suddenly looking tired and very withdrawn.  
  
"It happens," the girl began in youthful, but gravelly voice. "You'll get used to it."  
  
Rinoa looked toward her companion with questioning eyes. The girl wore hospital pajama pants, and a black tank top, which Rinoa assumed was what she wore to sleep in. She had short, dark purple hair that was curled in at the ends, and had what looked like a black and white striped half-sleeve on one of her forearms.  
"Name's Isabella," the girl said, as if reading Rinoa's thoughts. "If you're gonna work here, you'll have to start remembering names."  
  
Rinoa laughed slightly, shaking Isabella's hand. "I don't know how much longer I'll be working here after that incident."  
  
Isabella shook her head. "Don't worry. Like I said, it happens. You just have to get used to it. Especially with Molly. When she doesn't take her meds, she always gets violent."  
  
Rinoa nodded slowly. "I see."  
  
"Let me show you around, give you the low-down on who's who and why they're here. How does that sound?"  
  
"Great, thanks," Rinoa said, smiling through her obvious fatigue. "I like your hair by the way."  
  
"Thanks, you should've seen it last month. It was green."  
  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
"The basic layout of the building goes like this. The first floor is for the lobby and general offices. That's where Mr. Kramer's office is. He's the head honcho around here, though he rarely makes an appearance on the upper floors. Chicken. Anyway, the second floor is for elderly, or disabled people. You know, people that would have problems getting down a bunch of stairs if there was ever a fire or something. The third and four floors are for girls and boys under the age of eighteen. Third is girls only, fourth is boys only. Then we have this floor, the fifth. This is a coed floor for men and women over the age of eighteen. Floor six is doctors' offices. Floors seven and eight are separate wards for men and women, seven for women and eight for men. Those are for people that were sexually abused or assaulted, and aren't quite comfortable with members of the opposite sex yet. Finally, there are the ninth and tenth floors, both of which require I.D. checks to gain access. The tenth floor you should already know about. The ninth floor is where they keep the 'criminally insane'."  
  
Rinoa raised an eyebrow at her new friend. "The put the criminals underneath the doctors' and nurses' quarters? That's reassuring."  
  
"Don't worry, no one's gotten out of there in ten years," Isabella explained.  
  
"You certainly know a lot about this place. How long have you been on this floor?"  
  
"I just transferred here six months ago from the third floor," she replied.  
  
"So you're only eighteen? How long were you on the third floor?"  
  
"Since I was twelve," she answered. "Mine was an unusual case. I had no parents, or relatives, and my foster parents wouldn't keep me. So they took me in here."  
  
"What happened to you parents, if I may ask?"  
  
"My father was killed, which brings me to my mother. She's up on the ninths floor."  
  
Rinoa tried to hide her shock, but didn't do a very good job of it. Instead, she decided to change the subject. "So, you were going to tell me who's who?"  
  
She nodded, then pointed to Zell, who was sitting on a couch across the rec room watching TV. "Zell has multiple personality disorder, but a special case of it. He has these two different personalities, one of which he acts out through him, the other he acts out through his bear, Chester. It's very strange, and technical, and I don't understand all of it. Zell's really a sweetheart, though, he wouldn't harm a fly. I don't think there's any reason to keep him in here, but his parents admitted him when he was a teenager, and they don't want him released until he's 'normal' as they put it."  
  
Isabella searched the room for a moment then pointed at the young blonde that had been attacked earlier. "That's Georgia, she's just a little older than me. As you already know, she's roommates with Molly, and they have quite a strange relationship. When Molly doesn't take her pills, she gets really violent, almost psychotic. She really belongs on the ninth floor, but because of her health, they keep her here. No one wanted to room with her, because of the way she was, but when Georgia came, they had no other place to put her. They took to each other instantly, like mother and daughter. Georgia had never had real parents, and Molly had lost her daughter, which I hear is almost identical to Georgia, to an accident. So Georgia gets to pretend she has a loving mother, and Molly gets to pretend she has her daughter back. That's why Georgia puts up with all the violence."  
  
"Finally, there's that man over there," she pointed to an elderly man with longish gray hair. "That's Mr. Jenson."  
  
"What's he here for?"  
  
"He's the oldest living nymphomaniac," Isabella replied.  
  
Rinoa barely stifled her laughter. "Are you serious?!"  
  
She nodded. "Yep. He was admitted by his wife a few years back, because she was tired of his promiscuity. They originally intended to have him on the men-only floor, but decided it wasn't a good idea to put a nympho on a floor with sexually abused patients. He's made a lot of progress since he came here, though he still tried to buy porno mags off some of the other patients."  
  
Rinoa crossed her arms across her chest as she leaned against one of the tables in the rec room. There was a question on the tip of her tongue, a curiosity eating away at her, but she was hesitant about asking. Finally she turned to her companion, who was sitting on the table with her feet rested on a chair, and a cigarette in her hand. "What about Squall Leonhart?"  
  
Isabella smiled. "So, I see you've heard of him. He's another one of the famous patients here at Angel Haven. There is little known about him, really. Someone at the office is keeping things under wraps. But I'll tell you what I know. Basically, Squall's a genius. Mostly artistic, but he's good with numbers and stuff, too. I guess when you get right down to it, he's too smart for his own good. They say when your I.Q. reaches certain levels, that sometimes normal, everyday parts of you brain malfunction. Einstein couldn't tie his shoes, for instance. Squall's problem is little different, though. He's schizophrenic. He hears thing sometimes, or sees things. He had a tendency to slip off into his own little world where he can't tell what's real from what's not. He'll become obsessed with certain ideas for months on end, convinced that it's real, that there's truth to it, and if he just digs a little farther, he'll eventually find the truth. It makes him difficult to deal with. The entire time he's been here, he hasn't made a single bit of progress."  
  
Rinoa sighed. "I guess this isn't going to be easy. I have an appointment with him tomorrow. A one-on-one session."  
  
Isabella patted her on the back. "Don't feel bad. Even the wonderful Dr. Trepe couldn't cure him."  
  
"So, if I may, what are you here for?"  
  
"Me?" Isabella repeated. "I have a little obsession."  
  
"What?"  
  
Isabella took the lighter from her pocket and ran her thumb over the top, flicking on the small flame. "I burnt down many of my foster parents' houses."  
  
"And they let you have a lighter in here?!"  
  
"They didn't let me. I traded for it. There are a lot of restrictions in this place, but it's pretty much like prison. Whatever you want, you can get, so long as you're willing to part with something of your own."  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++  
  
It was five forty-five a.m. when a gentle shaking awoke Squall Leonhart. His eyes cracked open to narrow, glittering slits. Through the normal morning blur he identified the nurse, and grumbled a string of curses at her for disturbing him.  
  
"Wake up, Squall. You have an appointment with Ms. Heartilly in fifteen minutes."  
  
He rolled over onto his stomach and buried his head beneath a pillow. He was too sleepy to be going anywhere at that time of day. And besides, it wasn't like he had intended to go in the first place.  
  
As he heard the nurse quietly close the door behind her, he heaved a sigh of relief and squeezed his eyes shut again. Maybe this time the overly persistent bitch would just give up.  
  
He was just settling into a nice, comfortable slumber when he suddenly felt the bed move beneath him. Before he could gather his wits, he was on the cold, linoleum floor, having rolled off of his bed. He was instantly jerked up by the arm, his confusion suddenly fading as he saw two of the building's largest guards standing before him. One had a death grip on his arm, and the other was just putting down the mattress of his bed, having tipped it over and dumped him into the floor.  
  
Squall rubbed at his eyes, trying to make sure this was really happening, and asked, "What the hell's going on here?"  
  
"You're coming with us."  
  
He attempted to struggle but with both of them holding him back, he had no luck. After a few moments of this unsuccessful tactic, he finally gave up and decided to march to his destination with dignity. Or at least as much dignity as you can have when you're being dragged through the halls of a mental asylum by two guys the size of baby elephants.  
  
One might expect that after that kind of treatment you'd be shoved into some kind of torture room, but the room Squall was shoved into next was completely different. He suddenly found himself standing in a wood-paneled room filled with framed degrees, photos, and dried floral bouquets. It was an office he knew all too, well, and he immediately turned around and tried to open the door, only to find that he was locked in. He turned back with a sigh, expecting to see Dr. Trepe's patient smile, but was instead met with a smug little smirk that he'd seen only once before.  
  
"You." he began in a voice seething with contempt.  
  
She just smiled at him. "Nice to see you could make it, Mr. Leonhart. And may I say, I just love your casual wear," she said, gesturing to his sleepwear, which consisted of black boxers and a white T-shirt.  
  
"You're lucky I don't have an anger management problem," he growled.  
  
She just laughed. "Have a seat."  
  
Grudgingly, Squall took a seat on the couch in front of the desk and put a pillow over his lap, feeling embarrassed about his state of dress. Rinoa walked out from behind Quistis' desk and took a seat in the chair across from the couch. "Did you sleep well last night?" Rinoa asked sweetly.  
  
He didn't say anything, just scowled at her.  
  
"I see. We're going to play this game, are we? Well, I'll have you know that I took the whole day off, so we're going to sit here until you talk." She was bluffing, of course. She only had an hour before she had to report to Dr. Trepe.  
  
"Talk about what?" he grumbled.  
  
Rinoa sighed. "I tried to dig up your files, but Dr. Trepe has them locked away somewhere. So I'm not entirely familiar with your case, I must admit. So let me just start off by asking you this. You've been here for three years, am I right? Do you ever intend to go home?"  
  
He didn't answer. He just stared at her with those eyes that seemed to blaze with cold blue fire.  
  
Rinoa resisted the urge to squirm beneath his gaze, and instead held her composure. "Look, Squall. I'm not your enemy. I'm just trying to help you get out of here. Don't you want that?"  
  
"Get out of here to go where?"  
  
"So you can talk. Get out of here to go home. Who admitted you, anyway? Your parents?"  
  
He shook his head. "Why don't you ask Dr. Trepe? I'm sure she'll have more answers for you then I do." With that he stood up and headed for the door again, but Rinoa was right on his heels.  
  
"Where do you think you're going?" she demanded as he tried the knob again. "It's locked. It will remain locked for another fifty minutes, so you might as well sit down and get comfortable. You're not going anywhere."  
  
He turned back to her, the scowl on his face deepening and growing rage seeping through his eyes. "Let me out of here! You can't keep me caged up with you like some kind of animal!"  
  
Rinoa approached him slowly, the smile on her face widening the closer she got. When she was right up in his face, she said, "I was given permission to get you in here and keep you in here by any means I deemed necessary. You are NOT going anywhere."  
  
That said, she allowed herself a moment to study the reaction of her patient, but she found her eye wandering to places that held no such relevance. She could feel her heartbeat quicken considerably, and a rush of excitement ran through her body. Realizing that it wasn't at all healthy to drool over a patient, she fought to draw her attention back to his face, which still showed no sign of emotion. Or so it seemed. She just barely noticed the tiny gleam of fear, or nervousness in his eyes. That was enough. She backed away from him and placed a hand on her hip, presenting a silent question.  
  
Squall hung his head, somewhat in defeat, and returned back to the couch. She followed him, glorifying in her triumph, before sitting down in her chair again.  
  
"I'm sorry to have to lock you in here," Rinoa began softly. "But I just want to help you."  
  
"I can't be helped."  
  
"It's that kind of attitude that probably landed you here in the first place. I know things are hard. They probably seem impossible right now. But you've got to believe that things will get better, or they never will."  
  
He rolled his eyes. "What have I got to complain about? I have these wonderful twenty-foot gates to keep me safe, I have my own personal staff shoving pills down my throat every chance they get, and a great roommate that talks to his teddy bear and snores loud enough to wake the dead. No, everything's perfect, I'm perfectly content."  
  
"Yeah, Zell told me you keep stealing his teddy bear," she mentioned, giving him a suspicious look.  
  
"Yeah, I take it, then tell him if he doesn't stop snoring, the bear gets it. It usually does the trick, even if it does keep him up for the rest of the night with paranoia."  
  
Rinoa giggled slightly. "That's mean!"  
  
"You think it's funny," he pointed out.  
  
"I know, but I shouldn't laugh. Anyway, let's get on with this. We've wasted enough time."  
  
Forty-three minutes later, Rinoa stood from her chair and smiled down on her patient. "So, are you going to start coming to group therapy now?"  
  
"No," was his simple answer.  
  
"Look, if you promise to keep showing up for our sessions, say. once a week, then I'll see about getting you out of group therapy. Deal?"  
  
Squall nodded as he stood. "Fine. But there's nothing more for us to talk about."  
  
Rinoa watched him as he tried the handle again, this time finding it unlocked. She stared at him with saddened eyes, feeling a hole start to whittle away into her heart. Not much had been said during their session, but she had gotten him to talk a little. What she gathered so far was that he had lost all hope. He had no dreams of the future, no plans for applying the genius he was known for. He intended just to sit alone and watch himself be sucked into a fantasy world that would ultimately destroy him. Worst of all, he didn't care. She suddenly had the feeling, though she didn't know why, that this was more that just professional. This was personal, and she was determined to help him.  
  
"I'm not gonna give up on you, Squall," she said quietly before he walked out the door.  
  
He stopped and looked over his shoulder at her. "That's what Dr. Trepe said, too."  
  
She collapsed back into the chair she had been sitting in and sighed. It wasn't good to be getting so attached, or involved with a patient, especially on the first session, but she couldn't help it. There was something about him, about his depression, and sadness, that made her want more than anything to take it away. She recalled Isabella's words as she sat there. Whatever you want, you can get, so long as you're willing to part with something of your own. She realized that it would work the same in this case. She wanted to help Squall, but to do so, she might have to give up a piece of herself.  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++  
  
A/N: Well, what do you think? I'm sorry if the part with the original characters bored you, but I wanted to make the setting more realistic, and 3D, instead of just revolving around the characters you already know. And yes, more FF8 characters will show up, but I wanted to spread them around a bit. 


	4. Chapter III: The Trepe Policy

Chapter 3  
  
Rinoa shifted again in her seat, the backs of her legs sticking to the burgundy leather from sitting in the chair so long. She dared to let her eyes wander up to her silent companion, then stared again at the toes of her shoes. She felt like the little kid in the principal's office.  
  
Quistis finally slammed her notebook shut and sighed, removing her glasses to give Rinoa a disapproving look. "You froze."  
  
She nodded. "Yeah, I did. I'm sorry. It was just difficult to-"  
  
"There's no excuse," Quistis broke in. "If you can't stomach it, you're in the wrong profession. I can't afford to have an intern that chickens out at the sight of a little violence, because in a place like this, you'll be seeing plenty of it."  
  
Rinoa nodded, forcing herself to meet the doctor's judgmental gaze. "I know, it's just. okay, maybe there's no excuse for it, but there's such a big difference between reading about it in a text book, and seeing it happen right in front of you."  
  
Quistis' expression softened just slightly. "You're new, you're allowed to make mistakes. Just don't let happen again. Now, tell me how your appointment with Squall went."  
  
She shrugged. "He didn't say much, but-"  
  
"You mean he actually said something?" Trepe interrupted, her eyes widening.  
  
"Well, yeah, he spoke a little bit."  
  
"I can't believe it. When I get him in here he acts like he's mute. But he actually spoke to you? He said things?"  
  
"Yeah. He said he'd keep coming once a week if I would. get him out of group therapy." Rinoa said the last part in a rush, her eyes falling once more to the floor.  
  
"You what? You made a deal with him, did you? We have a little rule here between doctors and patients. We don't negotiate. If they had their way, they'd have lighters, razors, drugs, or whatever else they may have an addiction to. We can't allow it."  
  
Rinoa resisted the urge to roll her eyes. After all, she already knew that most of the patients were capable of getting what they wanted on their own. "Look, I don't want to over-step my boundaries here, but I think this may be the only way he'll cooperate."  
  
"We don't do negotiations, and that's final. You'll have to think of something else. Now, I've got an appointment of my own to keep. Meanwhile, I think it will do you good to sit in with some of the nurses while they give medication and injections. After that, I'll have them go over what to do if a patient is out of control."  
  
Rinoa couldn't help but frown. One little incident and she was getting college lectures again. But her thoughts were more drawn to Quistis' 'no negotiations' rule. It bothered her that she was so strict, but more over she couldn't help but wonder how she would break the news to Squall. She felt like she was letting him down.  
  
"Well, let me walk you to the nurses station and give them my instructions, then you're on your own for a little while."  
  
The two women traveled down the polished, blank corridors, and Rinoa had to wonder why they had to make it look so much like a hospital. Okay, so it was a hospital, but this was one in which people lived, mostly against their will. Why couldn't they try to make it homier? After all, it wasn't their fault they were the way they were.  
  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
It was after lunchtime when Rinoa finally got free of her lessons. The nurses had given her live demonstrations on how to control a patient, after making her watch the 'proper procedure' for medicating an uncooperative patient. She still shuddered slightly at the memory of that frail, screaming woman and the desperate look in her eyes as the nurses sunk the needle into her veins. She was beginning to wonder if Quistis was right. Maybe she didn't have the stomach for this occupation.  
  
As she strolled aimlessly down the hall, she suddenly found herself face-to-face with Isabella, who was dressed in a pair of stretch sport pants and had a worn basketball tucked under her arm.  
  
"Where are you going?" Rinoa asked, turning around and falling into step with her.  
  
"It's one of our weekly, mandatory, 'outdoor recreation periods'. We go out to the recreation area, which is inside the gate of course, and spend some time in the great outdoors. Last time we had a tie game," she explained, attempting to spin the basketball on her finger, "so we're gonna finish it up today. Me and Zell against Georgia and Rob."  
  
"Who's Rob?"  
  
Isabella waved a hand dismissively. "Rob's in for substance-induced psychotic disorder. But he's made a lot of improvement. So much so that he'll be released in a few weeks."  
  
"So does everyone go out?"  
  
"Just about. Like I said, it's kinda mandatory, but it's one of the few things that Dr. Trepe shows any leniency towards. A lot of us get by without going. Ironically enough, however, our infamous therapy evader does attend these things."  
  
"You mean Squall? He actually goes outside?" Rinoa questioned.  
  
Isabella nodded. "He certainly does, though even then he keeps to himself. He likes to go out there and sketch or something. We've invited him to play before, but he just ignores us, so it's always been a four- person game. Molly's in poor health, and Mr. Jenson has taken up bird watching. as opposed to watching girls through their windows like he used to. So, why don't you come out with us?"  
  
"I don't know of I should."  
  
"Oh, come on! You don't have anything to do right now, do you? Besides, Margaret could always use the back-up."  
  
Rinoa sighed. "And who's Margaret?"  
  
"She one of the head nurses around here. And one of the nicer ones. So are you coming or not?"  
  
"I guess," Rinoa gave in reluctantly. Knowing Squall would be there just furthered her reluctance. She knew that when she saw him she'd have to tell him.  
  
Several people piled into the elevator together, heading down to the first floor and taking a hidden back door to the afore mentioned 'recreation area'. It looked just like any community park, save the giant chain link fence surrounding it. There was a basketball hoop hanging from the side of the building with ample space around it for a large game. On the outskirts of the area were wooden picnic table and benches. Rinoa took a seat on one directly across from the basketball hoop then slowly looked around, studying the tall pines trees looming over head, and the clusters of wild flowers growing just on the other side of the fence.  
  
"Hey, Rinoa, wanna play?" Isabella inquired, offering her the ball.  
  
"Nah, I'm not much of a basketball player," she replied. "Besides, that would make the teams uneven, right?"  
  
She nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess, but we wouldn't mind. If you change your mind."  
  
Rinoa just nodded, flashing her a tiny smile before looking around again. Most of the people there were patients that she didn't recognize, but she did notice a few that she was familiar with. There was Mr. Jenson, sitting on one of the benches with some binoculars over his eyes, aimed at the trees. Molly watched her 'adopted' daughter play in the game. And then, she spotted one dreadfully familiar person sitting off to himself. His back was turned to her, so she was unable to see his face, but there was no doubt in her mind that it held it's usual cold scowl. He wore a pair of dark jeans and a tight black T-shirt that caused the corners on Rinoa's mouth to twitch in admiration.  
  
"Ooooh, looks like someone's got a crush," Isabella teased, suddenly sitting beside her.  
  
Rinoa jumped, startled from her silent exploration of the exquisite form in front of her. "What? No! I was just. thinking is all, and he happened to be in my line of vision."  
  
"Yeah right," she rolled her eyes.  
  
"Don't you have a game to play?" Rinoa reminded, desperate to get the attention off of her.  
  
"Game's over. Me and Zell creamed 'em. Besides, I thought you could use some company. Of course, I see now that my presence is not needed."  
  
Rinoa heaved a reluctant sigh. "Well, your presence is much appreciated, but I've got something I have to do. I better go now before I lose my nerve."  
  
Isabella just nodded and watched her marched grudgingly toward Squall's table, with her head hung and shoulders slumped like an inmate on death row, walking his last mile.  
  
Rinoa put on her best smile as she walked around the table, for the first time that day seeing his face. Isabella was right. He was bent over a sketchpad with a pencil, focusing intently on his creation of lead. Her interest suddenly piqued, she made a grab for his drawings, but his reflexes were too fast for her.  
  
"What do you call yourself doing?" he demanded.  
  
She smile grew, and she took a seat beside him. "I was just curious was all. What are you drawing?"  
  
"None of your business."  
  
She was silent for a moment, her playful nature starting to kick in, then, made another quick grab for his drawing pad, this time proving successful. She jumped up from her seat and tried to take off with it, but felt a strong pair of arms reach around her waist and pull her back. She sucked in a deep breath as she felt her back hit his chest and stretched out her arm as far as she could to keep him drawings away from him. He had the advantage of longer arms however, and easily took hold on the notebook. She wasn't going to let it go that easy however.  
  
"Let go of it," he growled, suddenly finding himself in a game of tug- of-war.  
  
She shook her head, shimmering black locks rippling in the sunlight, and said, "First you have to promise me that you won't get mad."  
  
He stopped pulling for a moment. "Get mad about what?"  
  
Rinoa sighed again, all playfulness gone from her expression. "I asked Quistis to cancel your group therapy, and she flat out refused. I'm sorry."  
  
"Then forget it. The deal's off."  
  
"Please, Squall," she began in a desperate tone, "I just wanna help you, I promise." She let go of his notebook and, without thinking, brought her hand up to his cheek. "I told you before, I just wanna help you get out of here. Don't you want that?"  
  
He didn't move, just stared at her long and hard before finally saying, "I don't care if I ever get out of here. I have nowhere else to go. So take your 'help' and get the fuck away from me!"  
  
With these words he shoved her hand away from her and pushed her back, allowing him to get up and stomp off. Rinoa placed a hand over her eyes, attempting to shield the tears that were forming in her eyes, and collapsed on the bench where he had been sitting. A few moments later, she felt an arm drape over her shoulder, and squinted through blurry eyes to see Isabella smiling a sad little smile back at her.  
  
"That's just the way he is," she whispered.  
  
"No. I just. I can't do this. I'm not helping anyone, I'm just pushing them away! Quistis was right. I'm not good at this."  
  
Isabella shook her head; mentally making a note to knock Squall over the head next time she ran into him, and gave Rinoa's shoulders a squeeze.  
  
Already upstairs and in the safety of his own room, Squall stared out through his window, watching the woman below suffer the pain that he had caused her. With a furious, frustrated growl he stepped back from the window and through his sketchpad across the room, watching with blazing eyes as it hit the opposite wall and fell to the ground. Something within him was wrong. if only he could figure out what.  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
A/N: Well, I know this chapters kinda short, and uneventful, but bear with me. Next chapter is mostly going to focus on Squall, and what life is like through his eyes. 


	5. Chapter IV: Words Unspoken

A/N:  Well, here's the next chapter, as promised.  Just a little note, the song featured below is the one I listened to while writing this.  It's kind of the theme of this chapter, and one of a few for this whole story.  

"Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past 

_Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have_

_Sometimes I think of letting go, of never looking back_

_And never moving forward so that there would be no past"_

_                                                -_"Easier to Run" by  Linkin Park  _Meteora_

                                                                    Chapter 4

            Silence, darkness, the unbreakable void.  These things were so familiar when nighttime fell.  The curtains were pulled back, pale sparkling moonlight spiraling down from the blackened sky and illuminating the room, bringing animation to the stillness.  From the other side, loud monotonous snoring could be heard, rising from the pile of wrinkled sheets on the cast iron bed.  The violent thoughts would surface, the hushed, whispering voices would speak, but the urge would be quelled in an attempt to adhere to that last shred of humanity inside.  This was why he couldn't sleep.

            It never went away, the constant chatter in the back of his mind.  Whether they were just conflicting thoughts of his own, or words rising to his head from some unknown destination, he had yet to figure out.  And how long had it been now?  Two years, three years?  He'd stopped counting.  Every now and then he'd hear one of them say, "_What does it matter?  You'll be here for the rest of your life."_

            Tonight's 'conversation' was different.  He had long since grown use to the feelings of hatred and disappointment, both toward himself and the rest of the world.  But what was this feeling now?  Sympathy?  It was new, yet reminiscent of another emotion he held far too close to his tortured heart.  Guilt.  This was something he felt everyday, but not for one of _those _people.  Not for the people that kept his trapped within these walls, not for the people that force-fed him medication that made him feel more like an empty shell than he already did.  But now there was her, and it was for her that he felt guilty.

            He wanted to be left to himself, to rot away within the safety of his own silence.  He already resigned himself to the fact that life would slowly drain away from him as he suffered inside this building of stone.  So why couldn't they just give him his solitude, his last remaining sanctuary?  Why couldn't they let him dwell in his misery alone?  As much as he wanted this, he knew that hurting other people was useless, and only caused more problems.  What kind of pain had he inflicted on her this afternoon?  He had made her doubt herself, scream at herself, tear herself apart from the inside while she tried to find the answer to why she wasn't good enough.  Such was a process that he loathed, but knew by heart.

            He watched with narrowed eyes the spot where she had cried, hours ago.  True, she was proving to be a pain in the ass, but who was he to begin the deadly cycle?  Those in pain, inflicted pain upon another, and it spread from person to person, an incurable disease that caused their world to crumble. 

            "_Why should you care?  It's not your problem."_

_            "No, she didn't deserve it.  Quistis maybe, but this girl's done nothing to you."_

_            "Fuck them all.  Why should you suffer and they not?  It's only fair."_

            Squall gave a slight growl.  He was use to these feelings of indecision, these words of conflict in his mind, but this time he felt compelled to do something.  Whether it was to ignore her, or apologize, he was at a loss.

            His pondering was interrupted as Zell shifted away from his pillow, and his previously muffled snores became louder.  He paused for a moment to consider his tactics, but decided not to even bother to shut him up.  Instead he turned reluctantly from the window, irritated that he still had not figured anything out, and crawled into bed, pulling the covers over his head to try and drown out the rest of the world.  If only he could do the same for his own…

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

            Sunlight flooded the spotless white hallways, and heavy boots sounded against polished linoleum.  They passed several rooms, both private and public, as they continued their seemingly endless march.  Finally they stopped outside a heavy oak door, and he couldn't help but have that feeling of Déjà vu.  

            "Here we are, Mr. Leonhart," one of his 'escorts' announced in a deep voice.  "Nice to see you were more cooperative this time."

            Squall grumbled a reply before turning the cold brass handle and heading into the destination that he so dreaded.  As he entered every head in the room seemed to turn to him in shock and followed him as he stomped grudgingly across the room to take the last remaining seat.

            _"They're watching you, they're passing judgment.  They know everything that you've done."_

_            "They're hands are just as stained as yours, what right do they have to look at you that way?  Stop them, make sure they never look at you like that again!"_

            "You can't escape them.  No matter where you go, they're gonna hunt you down."

            He shut his eyes tightly, trying to block out the voices as they overlapped each other.  They could never be silenced.  He put his fingers to the bridge of his nose in exasperation, but opened his eyes again when he noticed the unbroken silence.  

            The first person he saw when he opened his eyes was Rinoa.  She glanced at him every now and then with wistful eyes that seemed to reflect a bit of shame at having failed him.  Even after how he'd treated her, she still felt bad.  He couldn't look at her anymore.  Instead his eyes wandered over to the woman sitting beside her.  In all her self-righteous glory, it was none other than Quistis Trepe.  She gazed at him with those eyes, the ones that sent his blood boiling.  No matter when or where, she always seemed to hold a 'holier than thou' glint in those faded cornflower blue eyes.  While at the same time swearing that she was only trying to help.

_            "She thinks she's everyone's savior.  But she was the one that-"_ the disgusted voice was cut off by one that disgusted him even more.

            "Well, nice to see you could make it, Squall," she said, smiling at him.

            "All thanks to you," he growled under his breath.  This time she, too, had sent guards to retrieve him from his room and drag him to group therapy. 

            Quistis gave a satisfied laugh.  "Yes, I wanted to be sure you joined us.  We want you to share, we want to hear what you have to say.  Tell us what's on your mind, Squall."

            He said nothing.  There was a sudden tightness in his throat, and he couldn't bear to look at anyone.  But he knew, he was absolutely certain, that they were all looking at him.  He could practically feel their eyes burning through him, silently picking him apart, and he couldn't stand it.  

            _"They're watching you, they know everything about you.  They can hear your thoughts.  There is no safety."_

            "Squall, I asked you a question," Quistis spoke again, her voice sharper than before.

            "You can't speak.  What would you say?  They're waiting for you.  What will you say?"

            "Squall-" Quistis began again, but Rinoa stopped her.

            "Quistis," she began in a quiet voice, knowing that the doctor was already cross with her, "I don't think this is such a good idea."

            Quistis frowned then turned to stare at her silent patient.  He still had his head down, as if in deep concentration.  This was how it always was with him.  Squall acted like a mute when he was anywhere near her, it was infuriating.  Why couldn't this man see she was just trying to help?

            Sighing, she leaned over and tried to place a hand on his arm in encouragement, but before she could even come close, he stood from his chair, so quickly he knocked it over, and turned to her with a look that was something between delirious fear and deadly rage.

            "I don't need this shit!" he growled before storming out of the room.  He knew well what would happen as a result of this, but at the moment he didn't care.  He just had to get away.

            _"Run, get away from them now!  If you run now they can't hurt you."_

            He hadn't been out the door very long when he heard the click of high heels behind him.  Thinking it was Quistis, he quickened his pace, not noticing, nor caring where he was headed.  This didn't stop her, however.  Only moments later he felt a hand on his shoulder.

            "_That filthy hand!  Stained with your blood!"_

            He whirled around, eyes aflame, only to have his anger suddenly drain away from him.  The eyes he met were glimmering brown orbs filled with desperation, and concern.

            "What do you want?" he asked, trying to sound angry, but failing miserably.

            "I… I just wanted to make sure you were okay," she replied cautiously.  "You looked like you were freaking out in there."

            He didn't know whether to scowl or to laugh.  'Freaking out' just wasn't a term you heard a professional psychiatrist use very often.  "I'm fine, thank you.  You should go back before you get in trouble, too."

            She laughed slightly.  "What do you mean, get in trouble?"

            He looked beyond her for a moment, his eyes focusing on someone or something at the other end of the hall.  She turned and followed the path of his eyes to see two men in white uniforms coming toward them.

            "That's what I mean," he replied softly.

            Rinoa didn't understand at first, until she noticed the needle in their hands.  She shook her head.  "I don't understand.  You didn't cause that big of a commotion."

            "It doesn't matter.  I left the room without permission.  That qualifies as 'uncooperative or violent behavior', which gives the nurse or doctor in charge the right to have her uncooperative or violent patient sedated, so they don't hurt themselves, or others."

            "But that's bull shit.  You wouldn't hurt someone else, or yourself, right?" she asked, uncertainty creeping into her voice when he refused to look her in the eyes.

            "Quistis is a controlling bitch, who insists on doing everything by the book," he pointed out, "but she does have a reason for doing this."

            Rinoa looked away from him, unsure of what to say.  Instead, she turned her attention back to the two men that were approaching.  

            "Please… don't let them put that stuff in me again," she heard him say, his voice nearly inaudible, a pleading whisper.  It was the first time she had ever really heard fear in his voice.   

            "I'll try," she whispered back, briefly taking his hand and giving it a squeeze.  He didn't respond, just looked away in shame of asking for help.  

            Rinoa took a deep breath and strode out to meet the men before they could reach Squall.  "Can I help you gentlemen?"

            "We've been told to find Mr. Leonhart," one man replied.

            She studied them carefully then asked, "What for?"

            "We've been told to sedate him, Ms…" he squinted at her nametag, "Heartilly.  Do either of you know where he's at?" he asked, looking from Rinoa, to Squall.  

            Rinoa struggled to hide the smirk that was threatening to break out on her face.  "Seen him?  No, I haven't seen anyone by that name.  Neither has he.  We were just heading to my office for our therapy session.  We're already late, do you two mind?"

            He shook his head, "No miss, please go right ahead."

            Rinoa brushed passed him, Squall following closing behind her.  When they were out of earshot, Rinoa started laughing.  "Are those guys new here, or something?"

            "They're probably from the first floor.  Quistis probably called down there so they could send two of their best," he explained, then shifted nervously.  "Thanks, by the way."

            "It's the least I could do," she replied.  "I'm sorry about yesterday."

            He shook his head.  "Don't be."  The words 'I'm sorry' came close to spilling out, but he just couldn't bring himself to say it.

            Neither was paying attention to where they were going.  They were just wandering through the halls aimlessly, preoccupied with each other for the moment.

            When the silence grew uncomfortable, Rinoa cleared her throat and turned to him slowly, wondering if she should ask the question haunting her mind.  "Who did you hurt?"

            He turned to her in surprise, not having expected such a personal question.  He was silent for a long moment, trying to calm the contradicting reactions within himself.

            "_Why not tell her?  Get it off your chest?  She seems nice enough."_

_            "No!  Don't say a word, you can't trust anyone!  She's trying to deceive you!"_

            "Tell her to mind her own damn business!" 

            "I would rather not talk about it," he replied after a few moments.  "You should be worrying about yourself, anyway.  At the rate you're going you won't have a job in a few days."

            She heaved a tired sigh.  "Well, making sure you're okay is more important to me than abiding by Quistis' stupid rules.  Even if it means losing my job.  I'm gonna have another talk with her about private sessions.  Groups therapy isn't doing anything but making matters worse," as she spoke, she looked him in the eyes, making sure that he realized the sincerity of her words.  "You know, you look awfully tired," she observed.

            He looked away, running a hand through his hair in a nervous habit.  "I have problems sleeping.  I'm a light sleeper, and Zell's snoring…"

            Rinoa smiled.  "I'll see if I can't do something about that, too."

            "Why?"

            Instead of replying, she slowly reached for his hand, turning it over to see his wrist.  It was just as she had suspected.  She gently traced the scars with her fingers, watching with fascinated eyes, as the red marks seemed to burn thin paths over his pale skin.

_            "This is the first time anyone's touched you this way in… how long?  Too long, don't scar her away."_

_"She's touching you!  Make her stop!"_

"Please don't do that," he murmured, gently tugging his arm away.

"So, it was yourself that you hurt," she said quietly.  "I didn't think you were really the type that would hurt other people."

"Yeah, well, at least this way I'm not bothering anyone else with my own problems."

She sighed again and shook her head.  "Look at it this way.  When you hurt yourself, you hurt me, too."

He gave her a strange look.  "Why would it matter to you?"

"Because I care about you."

"Why?  Because you're obligated to?  Because they pay you to?" he shot back.

"I know this may be difficult for you to understand, but not everything has a string attached to it," she answered, irritation getting the best of her.  "Yes, this is in a way a professional relationship.  Otherwise, it would be considered unethical.  But just because of that doesn't mean I can't be your friend, too.  I'm not here for the money.  I'm here to help people."

"Isn't that what they all say?" 

She stepped back and studied him for a moment, inwardly sulking at the realization that this man she was so attracted to could never be anything but a patient.  "Maybe that's what they say.  But I swear to you on my life," she began in a strong, steady voice.  "I mean it."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A/N:  First off, the dialog in italics (at least they should be) are the 'voices', if you didn't understand that.  I also realize that Squall may have seemed a little OOC in this at times, but keep in mind that in this situation he does have his vulnerable moments.  Things also might seem a little rushed, but trust me, it's gonna be a long road.    


	6. Chapter V: A Dance of Flames

Chapter 5  
  
It had been another long, nearly sleepless night. Zell's snoring was getting out of hand, and he didn't know how much longer he could keep himself from strangling Zell in his sleep. It wasn't only the snoring that had kept him awake, however. The never ending words of conflict, of anger, of indecision. they haunted him again, even worse than before. The same question kept running through his mind over and over again. Why did she care so much?  
  
Squall wasn't sure why it bothered him. After all, she wasn't the first person to try and understand him, to 'fix' him. But she did seem to be the first one to genuinely care. The smile on her face didn't seem so fake, the tone of her voice was more sincere, and that gleam of empathy in her eyes didn't look so forced.  
  
(Why does it feel so strange to have someone care?) he wondered, his last thought before sleep finally claimed him.  
  
Rinoa, on the other hand, slept soundly that night, and marched into Trepe's office early that morning with a look of utter determination. She burst through the office door, startling the young doctor who was seated at her desk.  
  
"Can I help you, Rinoa?"  
  
"We need to talk," she said, taking a chair in front of the desk.  
  
"Yes, we do," Quistis replied, pulling off her glasses and wiping them off on her coat. "They told me that they couldn't find Squall Leonhart to give him his medication yesterday. They said that you told them you hadn't seen anyone by that name, when I saw you run after him when he left. Why are you taking over my patient?"  
  
"I'm not taking over anyone. He's not an object. I just want to help him, and what I saw yesterday at the group therapy session just convinces me more that it's not what he needs."  
  
Quistis sighed, and stared at the stack of papers on her desk for a moment. "I've tried to help him, I've tried so hard, for so long, and nothing seems to work. All it's done is push him farther away from me. It's caused me a lot of pain, a lot of heart aches. more headaches then there is aspirin in the world. No one can help him, because he won't let himself be helped. It's been a long, hard road, and it hasn't led us anywhere. So now you want the burden of helping this man who can't be helped? Well, it's yours."  
  
Rinoa was silent for a moment, allowing Quistis' speech to sink in. For a moment she doubted herself again, the memories of their argument at the basketball court coming back to her. She shook it off. She had made a breakthrough yesterday, right?  
  
"Thank you, Quistis," Rinoa said before standing up and exiting the office.  
  
After her visit with Quistis, Rinoa headed for the room she believed to be Squall's, wanting to tell him right away about the good news. On her way there, she ran into Margaret, the nurse she had met before.  
  
"What's up?" Rinoa asked casually, nodding her head in greeting.  
  
Margaret smiled. "It's a bit of a change to have such a young face here on the staff. I'll have to get used to it. I'm just doing morning checks, making sure everyone's up by now. Almost everyone is, but we seem to be missing a few people."  
  
"Have you checked room." Rinoa paused for a moment to search her memory, "C15?"  
  
"No, I was just getting there."  
  
"Well, I was looking for someone residing in that room anyway, so why don't I go ahead and check it out for you?"  
  
"Sure, thanks," she replied, moving on to the next room.  
  
Rinoa scanned the numbers next to the polished wooden doors until she found the one she was looking for. She knocked lightly and waited for a moment. No response. Slowly, she edged the door open, peaking through the crack to make sure that anyone that might be in there was appropriately clothed. At first it appeared empty, one of the beds neatly made and the other a mess of wrinkled sheets and twisted blankets. It wasn't until she looked more closely at the second one, did she notice the unruly locks of brown hair poking out from beneath the pillow.  
  
She smiled to herself and quietly stepped into the room, closing the door gently behind her. With light steps she approached the bed where he slept and pulled away the pillow under which he had buried his head. She heard a slight grumbling leave his lips, but couldn't make out anything he was saying. She carefully placed her hand on what she assumed was his shoulder and shook him, sitting down on the edge of the bed as she did so.  
  
There was another round of mumbling before her hand was shoved away from him. She shook him harder, quickly growing tired of his little game. He rolled onto his back and shielded his eyes with his arm.  
  
"What do you want?" he growled.  
  
"It's time to get up, sleeping beauty," Rinoa replied. She was happy that at the moment his eyes were hidden. The blankets he had pulled up around him had shifted lower, baring his chest. She was glad he couldn't see where her eyes were traveling.  
  
(Snap out of it) she thought to herself. (He's just a patient. Gotta keep things professional.)  
  
He uncovered his eyes, squinting into the blinding sunlight that streamed through the barred windows, and raised his head to look at her. "What are you doing here?"  
  
She smiled at him. "Well, I ran into Margaret in the hall, and she told me she was checking to make sure everyone was awake. I was trying to find you anyway, so I told her I'd check your room for her. I had another talk with Quistis this morning, and I've got some good news."  
  
"She's retiring?" he guessed, hopefully.  
  
"No, but she's not going to be your doctor anymore. She's put me in charge of you. That means no more group therapy sessions, and no more being dragged out of bed by big guys in white jumpsuits. Well, so long as you show up when I ask you to."  
  
Squall sat up suddenly, his eyes widening slightly at this news. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. No more being paraded around like an idiot in front of a large group of people, no more being stared at and judged, no more being forced to speak in front of these strangers while they watched him with their critical gaze.  
  
"Thanks," he replied slowly, still reveling in the feeling of relief this brought him.  
  
Her smile grew. "You very welcome. Now get up and get dressed!"  
  
"Do you mind giving me some privacy first?"  
  
She just laughed, pushing some 'not-so-professional' thoughts aside as she did. She stood up from her place next to him and walked toward the door. "By the way, I rummaged through the supply closet early this morning and found something that might help with your sleeping problem." She pulled a small box from a pocket on the side of her coat and tossed it to him.  
  
He examined the box, eyebrows arched. "Breathe Right Strips?" he read.  
  
She nodded. "Stick one of those over Zell's nose tonight. That should take care of the snoring."  
  
With that she exited the room, allowing him to get up and dress in peace. She walked down to the rec room, which was now partially full with half-asleep patients, and found the other person she was looking for.  
  
"Hey, Isabella! Haven't seen you in a couple of days."  
  
Isabella smiled. "Yeah, I've been up to some things. How's it going?"  
  
Rinoa sat down next to her at a table, then noticed that she was holding 'Chester'. "How come you're holding Zell's bear?"  
  
"I'm the only one he trusts with Chester. And right now Zell's getting his morning meds," she explained pointing out Zell as a lady at a counter handed him a small clear plastic cup and a larger paper cup half- full of water.  
  
"You two are pretty good friends, huh?"  
  
Isabella gave a wistful sigh. "Yeah, we're good friends."  
  
"Sounds like you wish that you two were something more."  
  
She shrugged. "Yeah, well. I know Dr. Trepe would say that it isn't healthy to date someone you met in a mental asylum, but he's just so sweet. When I first transferred up here, he was really suspicious of me, just as he is of everyone, but we soon found something we had in common."  
  
"What's that?" Rinoa asked.  
  
Isabella grinned. "We're both big Green Day fans."  
  
Rinoa laughed. "I'll have to keep that in mind."  
  
"So, do you know what's going on next week?"  
  
"No. What's up?"  
  
"Next week is Visitor's Day," Isabella informed her. "That's when your friends and family come to spend part of the day with you. My friend Sally, she's a social worker that used to look out for me while I was in foster homes, is coming to visit me. Zell's parents are coming, too."  
  
"Sounds like a lot of fun," Rinoa replied, her eyes scanning over the room just in time to see Squall enter and take a seat near the counter where medication was being handed out. She watched him for a few moments, until she finally heard his name called. He stood up and strode casually over to the counter, grabbing his pills and quickly washing them down with the water.  
  
"Alright now, Mr. Leonhart, open your mouth and let me check," the nurse said. He tilted his head back and opened his mouth wide. "And under your tongue?" she asked. Squall lifted his tongue, rolling his eyes because he felt like an idiot, and finally slammed his mouth shut. "Very good Mr. Leonhart. You may be seated."  
  
Rinoa turned to Isabella with a questioning look on her face. Isabella laughed. "Not only does he have a reputation for skipping out on therapy, he has a habit of not taking his medication, too."  
  
Rinoa shook her head, still watching him as he sat back down in his chair for a moment. Being the observant person she was, she noticed his throat working, even though he wasn't talking or doing anything of the sort. Shortly after he stood up and headed toward the bathroom. Awfully suspicious, she thought. She'd have to remember to ask him about it later.  
  
She noticed Isabella get up and turned her attention back to her friend. "I'll be right back," she announced before marching up to the counter and taking her own pills. As she was heading back to her seat, a loud scream sounded from outside, followed by a loud 'thud' as something large hit the floor.  
  
Almost every head turned to look through the window into the hall, and watched as a middle-aged woman was sedated by a group of struggling nurses. The nurse at the counter grabbed a cup of medication and exited the room, meeting with the other nurses in the hall. When the woman had stopped fighting so much, they forced her mouth open popped a pill in, and held it shut, shouting at her to swallow her pill. She tried her best to spit it out, choking herself on her own sobs, until she finally didn't have any more fight left in her. She swallowed the pill, and the nurses went about their business, pulling her off to some unknown destination.  
  
"Some people are like that," Isabella explained. "They don't wanna take their medicine or anything. They don't wanna get better. They like being sick, I guess. I decided a few years ago that I did wanna get better."  
  
"Why did you burn those houses down in the first place?" Rinoa asked gently.  
  
Isabella was silent for a short stretch of time, the quietly said, "When I was little, me and my father were very close. My dad had it hard. He knew my mom was sick, but didn't know what to do, so he just took care of her as best as he could. But he also had to take care of me, too. It would've been easier just to leave momma in a place like this, but he wanted to be loyal to her. She wasn't the woman he loved anymore, but he still wanted to take care of her. That's why I'll never forget the look on his face when she pulled that gun on him. He tried so hard. and she killed him. She didn't want to be cared for anymore. Before she shot him, my dad and me would try and do things together, and one of our favorite things was to camp out in the backyard. I had always wanted to go camping for real, but of course we couldn't with Momma. So he would make us a little tent in the backyard, and build us a little campfire. I loved sitting around the campfire with him, it was so peaceful, so beautiful. I loved how the flames danced on his face. So when he died and I was taken to my first foster home, I was miserable. I wanted my father back, and the thing that reminded me of him the most were those campfires. I guess. I just wanted to see the flames dance again. Maybe I thought it would bring him back."  
  
Rinoa was at a loss for words. What does someone say after that? Instead she just put her arm around Isabella and gave her shoulders a squeeze in comfort.  
  
"I don't want to be sick like my momma was," she said softly. "I don't want to betray someone I love."  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
Rinoa could already feel drowsiness kicking in, and it was still daylight. She supposed that sitting in on one of Quistis' lectures would do that to you. Her eyelids felt as if they weighed a ton, as she dragged her feet down the hall to the fifth floor cafeteria for dinner.  
  
The first thing her eyes were met with was the 'doctor's' table. Quistis and some of her fellow psychiatrist friend were sitting together at one table, talking excitedly about the latest development on their section of the floor, and eating fancy salads or left over casserole that they had bought or made themselves.  
  
(While the rest of us get to eat cold meat loaf and rubber vegetables,) she thought. It reminded her an awful lot of the 'popular' table in high school.  
  
She grabbed one of the pre-prepared trays from the end of a table and scanned the tables for somewhere to sit. She wasn't yet 'popular' enough to sit with Quistis and her friends. Instead she headed over to a mostly empty table and sat down in front of none other than Squall Leonhart himself.  
  
He looked up at her in surprise, obviously not having expected any company. She glanced over at his own tray, which he had mostly just picked at. He had arranged his food in strange, intricate patterns, his mind obviously elsewhere.  
  
"Wow, I've never seen someone be so artistic with their food before," Rinoa commented, watching him intently.  
  
He just shrugged, and stabbed his fork into the middle of the tray. "I can't eat this shit."  
  
Rinoa popped a piece of broccoli into her mouth and made a face. "That makes two of us. So, I was noticing earlier, when you were taking your medication, that you looked kinda suspicious about it." She gave him her best disapproving doctor look. "Did you really take your medicine?"  
  
"What business is it of yours?"  
  
She waved a hand in front of his face. "I'm your doctor now, remember?"  
  
He rolled his eyes, "Fine, I took my medication, okay? Happy now?"  
  
"Are you telling me the truth?" she asked, leaning closer and trying her best to be serious despite the grin threatening to spread over her face.  
  
He looked at her for a long time, his gaze locked with hers in a way that made heat spread throughout her entire body. "Absolutely," he said finally, his face utterly serious.  
  
She laughed, breaking the intensity of the moment. "Somehow I don't believe you." She pointed her index finger in his face and said, "If I find out you're lying to me, you're going to be in big trouble, Mr. Leonhart."  
  
He shook his head, shoving her hand out of his face. "I'm so frightened. What are you going to do, lock me up in solitary confinement?"  
  
"No, I wouldn't do that to you," she replied.  
  
"They all say that, but they always end up doing it anyway. Why should I believe you're any different from them?"  
  
"Look, I promise to you that I won't lock you up. And if I break my promise, you can. lock me up in the padded cell and make me listen to Quistis' lectures all day."  
  
A smile tugged at his lips. "Very few things could be worse than that. I guess you've got yourself a deal."  
  
"Great!" Rinoa exclaimed. "So that settles it. I won't lock you in solitary confinement, but in return, you have to be a good patient. That means showing up for therapy, taking your medicine, and not doing that mute bit you do when you don't feel like talking. We got a deal?"  
  
"Fine."  
  
She extended her hand to him. "Shake on it?"  
  
His face remained emotionless, but his nervousness and fear was evident in his eyes. He had to fight with himself not to stand up and leave right then. It was an odd thing, even to himself. He'd watched so many times as people around him hugged, kissed, held and shook hands. Yet still, he couldn't feel comfortable being touched by another person. Part of him was scared of it, and part of him craved it, after so many years of shying away from any form of human contact.  
  
She gave him an understanding smile. "Maybe we'll save that for some other time."  
  
He looked away from her, uncertain if he was relieved or ashamed. "Yeah, maybe," he said, standing from the table and going to throw his uneaten food in the trashcan.  
  
Rinoa stared down at her own food and frowned. It was going to be a long, hard road for the both of them.  
  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
A/N: Next chapter I'll be covering Rinoa and Squall's second official therapy session, and visitor's day. Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review! Please? 


	7. Chapter VI: Beautiful Misery

A/N:  Well, here's the next chapter, thanks for all the great reviews!  I decided I would bring back my old chapter dedications, as a little thank you.  And, once again, dialogue is parentheses is someone's thoughts, dialogue in italics is the voices.  

Chapter dedication: Mayanoka!  Thanks for the long reviews, and you gotta send me that film you made!  I'm dying to see it!

                                                            Chapter 6

            It was happening again, that infernal noise so loud it even silenced the crickets.  The pitch of the sound seemed to strike a painful chord somewhere in his nervous system, to the point where he was beginning to develop a twitch in his right eye.  Every night he settled down for sleep in hopes that it would just stop.  Any normal, healthy person would've finished living this delusion long ago, but he wasn't exactly normal or healthy.  

            Squall rolled over and fumbled through the drawer in the nightstand next to his bed.  When his fingers touched on a small cardboard box, he withdrew the object and tore open the lid, squinting in the darkness as he shook out the contents.  Now, how to go about this the right way?

            Pulling off his blanket, he slowly stood up, his brain fighting with his body, which tried to convince him to lie back down.  He opened one of the strips that Rinoa had claimed would silence the ear-splitting monstrosity that was Zell, and quietly snuck over to where he was sleeping.  Examining the strip in his hand for a moment, he quickly pressed, adhesive side down, over Zell's nose, temporarily blocking off his oxygen.

            Zell's eyes snapped open suddenly and he let out a terrified scream, unable to make out the identity of his 'attacker' in the darkness.  Squall jumped back into his bed and hid beneath the blankets once again, barely stifling the urge to laugh.  

            Only moments later, the sound of scuffling feet could be heard down the hall, until finally several people burst into the room, flipping on the lights to reveal a wide-eyed and very pale Zell.

            "What's going on in here?" one of the nurses asked.

            "Someone tried to attack me," Zell squeaked out.  He was sitting up in his bed with his blankets pulled tightly around him.

            The nurse crossed the room, gazing out through the barred window before turning to the guard who had come with her.  "I don't see anything," she replied.  "Zell have you been taking your meds lately?"

            "I wasn't seeing things, I swear!" he screeched.

            The nurse turned to the guard again.  "Zell doesn't have a history of delusions," she admitted.  Her gaze slowly searched the room until her eyes landed on a person-shaped lump hiding beneath a blue comforter.

            She walked over to him and snatched the blanket back exposing the 'sleeping' man beneath.  She sighed.  "Mr. Leonhart, you're not breathing deep enough to be sleeping."  She looked at the guard.  "Mr. Leonhart does have a history of violence."

            "What?  I haven't done anything!" Squall protested, seeing that his sleeping act wasn't fooling anyone. 

            The nurse frowned down at him.  "Logic seems to indicate otherwise.  Get up, Mr. Leonhart.  If you don't come willingly, we'll use force."

            Squall sat up, but made no move to get to his feet.  "Where are you taking me?"

            "Solitary confinement.  Where you belong."

            "Hey wait a second!  I demand to see my doctor!" he yelled as the guard moved to drag him to his feet.

            "Mrs. Trepe is sleeping right now.  She'll hear of it in the morning," the nurse replied.

            "No, she's not my doctor anymore.  I demand that you get Ms. Heartilly.  She'll explain to you!"

            She nodded to the guard, jerking her head toward the door.  "Don't make me get the sedatives Mr. Leonhart.  I know how much you dislike those."

            "Bitch," Squall growled as the guard pulled him out the door.  With a frightening scowl, he yanked his arm from the guard's grasp and began walking on his own, acceptance slowly creeping in.  She wasn't going to listen to him.  He would be locked in the padded cell for the rest of the night at least.

            Finally they made it to that dreaded steel door.  The guard unlocked it and shoved him in, switching off the lights inside and leaving him in complete darkness as he left.  There were no windows in this room, no source of light other than the single light bulb overhead, which he no longer had the comfort of.  One would think that a person such as himself, a man that was always trying to get away from people, would revel in the chance to have a few hours to himself.  Squall did like to be alone… he wanted to be alone in the midst of a crowd, protected by the presence of others.  Hearing the voices of other human beings would keep him bound to the living world.  There, he was safe.  But here, in the pitch-black darkness and the hollow void of silence, he was vulnerable, sitting prey to those inner demons that lay dormant at his core, waiting for the chance to swallow him.  

_            "Why do you bother with this?  Just end it!  You're not worthy of their help; you're not worthy of the air in your lungs!  You good for nothing son-of-a-bitch… it was all your fault."_

            "You're alone now, you'll always be alone.  This is what you deserve, this is your punishment!"

_            "Look at yourself, what have you become?  Some raving lunatic that can't handle his own thoughts?  How shameful!  You live only because of their pity.  Is that how you want to be known?  It's a dead end, it's all over.  There's nowhere else to run, these people can't save you.  You don't deserve to be saved!  What would she think of you now?"_

_            "Don't blame yourself, it's all their fault.  It was a conspiracy from the beginning!  They're all against you, can't you see the hate in their eyes?  Trepe, it's all Trepe's fault.  You wouldn't be what she wanted you to be, and now she's out to get you!  Watch your back.  You gotta keep looking over your shoulder."_

            So many words, so many voices.  He listened, feeling his own hatred for himself rise again at those self-loathing words.  But there was also hatred for everyone else waiting there.  It was his fault, it was there fault, it was some conspiracy bigger than himself.  He couldn't shake the delusions, the false beliefs.  Most of all he couldn't escape that rage, that hate that seemed to burn in his chest.  Every time he thought he could break free of it, it took hold of him again, piercing through his skin and coursing through his veins in the form of deadly poison.  It would infect his system, choke the life out of him, and before he parted with his dying breath he would spread the sickness, contaminate another seemingly healthy person.

            _"Take it out on them, they deserve it.  Make them bleed!"_

_            "It's your own damn fault, now face up to it.  If anyone's blood should be spilt, it's yours.  You made her bleed, you made her die.  Were she alive now, she'd hate you!"_

            "End it now, you have to end it.  If you want to see her again you have to end it.  You'll meet her again."

            By this time he was leaned against a wall, sitting on the dirt-stained floor because he was suddenly too weak to support himself.  His mind was racing beyond the speed of light, and there were simply too many thoughts for him to keep up with.  He titled his head back, muscles tensed and trembling beneath the heavy burden of his pain.  He let loose a loud, animal-like growl that tore at his throat, frustration getting the better of him.  He was slowly driving himself insane, in here, by himself.  At this rate, he wasn't sure he'd survive until morning.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

            Rinoa stepped off the elevator, a small, serene smile on her face.  It was a fresh day, a new beginning.  Another chance to try and help _him_.

            As she leaning against the desk at the nurses' station, staring down into the glassy black surface of her coffee and frowning at it, she reached with her free hand for her file folder.  She set the steaming Styrofoam cup aside, and looked over her schedule for that day.  Today she would be taking care of group therapy on her own again.  This was to become a regular thing, now that she'd been there a little while.  She also had another lecture to attend, and at the end of the day, her second therapy session with Squall.  As her eyes reached the bottom of the page, she noticed a green post-it note stuck on the other side of the file folder.

            "What's this?" she wondered aloud, peeling off the folder to read it.

            "I found that in Mrs. Trepe's folder while I was filing this morning," Margaret explained from behind the desk.  "Whoever was working the night shift last night must not have known that Mr. Leonhart is in your care now."

            Rinoa frowned slightly and turned her attention back to the note.  It was short and simple, stating only that Squall Leonhart had been put into solitary confinement due to violence against his roommate.

            "What the hell is this?" Rinoa demanded of no one in particular. 

            "If you'd like me to call the head nurse on the night shift and ask her to come down, I can," Margaret offered.

            "Yes, please do," Rinoa muttered over her shoulder, already on her way to the infamous padded cell.  Once there she dug her set of keys out of her coat pocket and shoved open the heavy door.  Her frown only deepened when the contents of the room was revealed to her chocolate colored eyes.  

            Squall sat up against the far wall, much in the same fashion as he had that night.  His head was bowed, eyes focused on the floor below him.  He was absolutely still, as if he were merely a statue of his former self. 

            "Squall?" she began softly, cautiously approaching him.  It wasn't that she was afraid he would hurt her.  It was more that she was afraid she would scare or startle him.

            He didn't answer, just kept his eyes trained on the floor.  The only way she was sure he was still living was the slight rise and fall of his shoulders.  She was now standing right in front of him, but he still didn't look up.  Fear crept through her spine.  What had this done to him?

            She kneeled down beside him, gently putting a hand on his shoulder.  "Squall?" she asked again.

            He slowly turned his head and raised his eyes to meet hers.  There were dark rings beneath his eyes, as if he hadn't slept most of the night, and his eyes made him appear even more withdrawn than usual.  Yet still, there was a weakness there, a tiny gleam of hurt and vulnerability amidst the icy, abandoned, depths.

            She shook her head slowly, mentally kicking herself for not being there to stop it when this happened.  "I'm so sorry, Squall.  I didn't know… they didn't tell me until just now."

            His shook his head, his mind slowly returning to reality, "It wasn't your fault."

            "You look like you haven't slept in ages.  Is there anything I can get for you?"

            "No, I'm just… tired."

            Rinoa nodded her understanding and helped him up.  "I'll walk you back to your room so you can get some sleep.  I'll alert the nurses not to bother you, and I'll bring you your meds when it's time."

            He nodded and followed her silently, his mind for once void of thought after a long night of being utterly, and torturously alone.  As the two were passing by the nurses' desk a large, blonde-haired woman with a groggy look upon her face called out to Rinoa.

            "You wanted to see me ma'am?"

            Rinoa noticed the enraged look on Squall's face and decided that she must be the one responsible.  She beckoned for the nurse to follow her, then stopped when she reached the door of Squall's room.

            "I'll deal with you in a minute!" she hissed to the nurse before seeing Squall into his room.

            He sat on the side of his bed and rubbed the bridge of his nose in an attempt to free himself from the on-coming headache.  "I'll be alright.  You don't have to tuck me in or anything," he said sarcastically.

            Rinoa smiled at him.  "Well, if you're okay then I guess I'll be going."  She watched him for a moment, intrigued with how even when it was clear he was miserable, he still seemed so perfect… his pain and vulnerability seemed to give him a strange kind of beauty.  She wanted more than anything to know what happened to him last night.  Not just what he had done to get put in solitary confinement, but what he went through while he was there.  It occurred to her then that she really didn't understand him.  But she would give her life just know what went on within that tortured soul of his. 

            Heat spread through her cheeks as she realized that he was watching her too, half in puzzlement, half in fascination.

            (But what could possible be so fascinating about me?)

            "Like I said, I'll bring you your medication later on.  Just try and get some sleep."

            He nodded again, watching her intently through those indescribable eyes.  Then he said something that he had never said to anyone since he'd come to the mental asylum.  "Thank you."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

            Rinoa left his room with a small smile on her face, at least until she saw the nurse that was waiting outside.

            "What did you need me for, ma'am?" she demanded.

            Rinoa took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves before she began.  "Why did you have him put in solitary confinement?"

            "He attacked his roommate, Zell," she answered.

            "And did you have any proof of this?" she asked, her voice dangerously low.

            "Well, Zell woke up screaming, said that someone had attacked him, but he couldn't see who it was in the dark.  There was no evidence that anyone from outside, or from another room had been in, so naturally we looked to his roommate.  He does have a record of violence, you know."

            Rinoa shook her head, displeasure apparent on her face.  "You jumped to conclusions.  Why would Squall hurt Zell?"

            "I don't know, but we noticed that Zell had this strange white strip running over his nose," the nurse replied, running her finger over the bridge of her nose as she spoke.

            Rinoa was silent for a moment, but then it all became clear.  "Those must have been those Breathe Right strips I gave Squall.  Zell has a snoring problem.  Why the hell didn't you contact me first before you did this to him?" her voice rose in anger.  "Do you have any idea what this is like for him!"

            "Ms. Heartilly, we did the best we could."

            "I don't want to hear that.  From now on when you suspect Squall did something, come and get me first, dammit!  And just so you know, Dr. Trepe is not his doctor anymore, I am!"

            With those last words she stomped off, leaving the older woman baffled.  Rinoa knew that she'd probably hurt her feelings, but at the moment didn't care.  How could that woman hurt something so fragile?  It didn't seem quite the right description for someone as masculine as Squall, but in a way it was the only one that could fit.  Okay, so she could think of several.  Grumpy, stubborn, irate, muscular, sexy…

            (Stop it, stop it right now!) she commanded herself.  Instead of indulging her thoughts, she headed toward the common room to begin another therapy session.

            An hour and five minutes later, she was walking down the hall to his room again, holding two small cups, one paper, one plastic.  She knocked gently on the door and waiting for a response.

            "It's open."

            She slowly opened the door, as if worried about what her eyes would be met with, and entered.  He was leaned against the wall, gazing out the window just as he was the first time they met.  The sunlight streamed in, accentuating the well defined muscles of his arms, and the perfectly formed shape of his face, casting the rest of him in shadows of gray.  

            "I have your medicine," she announced, barely keeping her eyes from roaming where they shouldn't.  "I thought you were going to try and sleep?"

            He turned to face her, his eyes giving her a quick once-over before scratching the back of his neck in a sign of nervousness.  Were the light not to his advantage, she might've been able to see his blush.  "I did, for a little bit.  I can't sleep with all this light in the room."

            She simply nodded and handed him his medicine, watching carefully while he took it.  Once he'd swallowed the pill, she commanded him to open his mouth.  He rolled his eyes, but complied.  She leaned closer to him, fighting to restrain herself from closing the gap and kissing the life out of him.

            (Having a hot patient just isn't easy.)

            "Alright," she laughed.  "Now, we had an appointment scheduled today, but given the circumstances, I can understand if you'd want to reschedule."

            He shook his head.  "I've been through worse.  And then was dragged to therapy with Quistis."

            "Okay, then.  Four o'clock this afternoon, an hour before dinner is served.  I'll come and get you, okay?"

            He nodded.  "Yeah, that's fine."

            She patted his shoulder, forgetting for a moment that he didn't like to be touched by others, then stood and watched for his reaction, fearing another outburst like what had occurred with Quistis.  To her surprise, he only displayed mild irritation, if even that much, in his gaze.

            "I'll see you then," she said again, voice soft, and left the room for the second time that day.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

            The endless, rhythmic ticking seemed the only sound in the room, save the random shuffling of papers.  Squall sat, half-asleep, on the burgundy leather couch where he'd been forced to sit so many times before, and Rinoa stood in front of a filing cabinet, frantically searching through files before finally slamming the last drawer shut.

            "I can't believe this!  Where the hell did she put your file?  I found everyone else's files.  How am I supposed to conduct a proper therapy session when I don't have your files?"

            Squall opened his eyes and looked at her.  "Well, whatever you're going to do, you better do it now 'cause you only forty-five minutes left before I leave."

            She put her hands on her hips.  "Am I gonna have to lock you in again, Mr. Leonhart?"

            "You can't rightfully keep me in here more than the designated time."

            Rinoa sighed and seated herself in the chair across from him.  "Fine, then.  I'll just have to remind myself to ask Trepe about it later.  So, are you willing to tell me why you're in here in the first place?"

            He smirked slightly.  "I don't have to tell you anything.  And since you can't fine those files, I guess you'll never know."

            "I'm beginning to think you hid them," she replied, shooting him that disapproving gaze she was so fond of.

            He threw his hands up in defense.  "Don't look at me."

            "So tell me then.  Why are you here?"  When she the look determination on his, she knew that he was going to try his best to keep his secret.  So she pouted slightly, giving him her best puppy dog eyes.  "Please?"

            He sighed and covered his eyes with his hand in exasperation.  "Please don't look at me like that," he replied.

            She cocked her head to the side.  "Why not?  Tell me.  Please?  I'll be forever grateful."

            He heaved another disgusted sigh and aimed his eyes at the floor, preparing to tell her what he desperately didn't want to talk about.

            "What is this?  Do I sense a soft spot in you Leonhart?  Not good, not good at all."

            He pushed the voice aside and said, "I was committed to the asylum for attempted suicide," he admitted.  "Happy now?"

            She shook her head, looking at him with a mixture of sadness and disbelief in her eyes.  "Why would ever want to do something like that to yourself?  You have so much potential, Squall.  So many things you could do with your life."

            "Shut up," he growled.

            _"She sounds like Quistis, doesn't she?"_

            Rinoa was slightly taken aback.  Though Squall had never been exactly friendly to her, he'd never spoken so harshly to her before.  "Squall, I'm only telling you the truth.  You deserve to live a happy life, and I'm sorry that you haven't had one so far.  But I want to help you achieve that.  Death isn't a way out.  There are so many people that care about you."

            "How the hell would you know?" he yelled back.

            She jumped slightly, but held her composure.  "I know there has to be someone out there.  Visitor's Day is two days away.  Someone's coming to visit you then."

            He glared at her sharply, anger intensified to a dangerous degree.  "A sign of an amateur… you just assume that you know.  Well, you don't have any fucking idea!  I don't have anybody!  There, I said it, I'm alone.  I don't even give a damn about myself anymore!  Kinda spoils all your idealistic bull shit, now doesn't it?"

            "Amateur…" she repeated softly to herself.  There was glint of tears in her eyes, and he instantly felt guilty.  Still, he'd never been the type to apologize.  He was much too proud, in his own strange way.  She stood up slowly, tossing her notepad onto the desk and turning her back to him.  "Maybe we should end this session a little early."

            He watched her for a moment, part of him wanting to say something, anything that would ease her pain, the other part of him dead-set against it.  Finally he stood, and headed to the door in silence.

            "Oh, and Squall?" she said in a tremulous voice as he neared the door.  When she heard his heavy foot steps come to a stop, she continued.  "Even if nobody else does, I do."

            For a moment he was confused, not understanding what she said.  Then it sunk in.  Even if nobody else cared about him, she did.  He considered, at first, that she was just trying to make him feel guilty, but decided that her voice had been too sincere.  With nothing left to say, he quietly left the room, leaving a broken heart behind him.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A/N:  Okay, I know I said I was going to do visitor's day in this chapter, but the short intro I started working on a few days ago actually turned into ten pages, and I didn't want that long.  Also, this obviously shed some light on some of things that make Squall the way he is, and more will be revealed on this in the next few chapters.

Next chapter: Visitor's Day (this time for real), Rinoa searches for Squall's files, and somebody hasn't been taking their medicine.       


	8. Chapter VII: Tangled in the Aftermath

A/N:  About a week ago, I started a thing called livejournal, which some of you already know about.  I post entries there daily, and usually let you know what I'm working on at the time, and everything.  I'm thinking that all comments and questions will be answered there, so as not to clutter up the chapters.  Web address: www.livejournal.com. Just search under DarkRaion. 

Chapter dedication:  Optical Goddess

                                                            Chapter 7

_"I don't know what's worth fighting for_

_Or why I have to scream_

_I don't know why I instigate_

_And say what I don't mean_

_I don't how I got this way; I'll never be all right_

_So I'm breaking the habit_

_I'm breaking the habit_

_Tonight"_

                        --Linkin Park "Breaking the Habit" _Meteora_

            "So, how long have you been here?"

            "I've been here two years.  Ever since I was eighteen.  Can't say that I remember why I'm here, but it's home to me now."

            Rinoa looked at her newest patient over the top of her notebook and frowned.  "So you actually like being here?"

            The young, blonde-haired woman seated in front of her nodded enthusiastically.  "Yeah, I mean, everything's here," she continued, her voice soft and with a slight southern drawl.  "All of my friends, my mom.  I even have a staff to take care of me.  I think it's great."

            Rinoa rubbed her forehead for a moment.  "Uh, Georgia, as I understand it, your parents have… well, passed."

            She shook her head and smiled.  "I don't know what you're talkin' about.  My momma stays in the room with me."

            "You mean… Molly?"

            She nodded.  "Of course."

            Rinoa sighed.  This was one of the worst cases of denial she'd ever heard of.  "So what would you do then, if Molly passed away?"

            Georgia laughed.  "She told me she's not going to die."

            "Everyone passes away eventually.  And Molly is in poor health.  I don't want to make you sad, I'm just telling you this so you'll be ready when it does happen.  I know you look up to Molly as a mother, but…"

            Georgia suddenly broke in with a laugh.  "You haven't looked closely at my chart, have you?  Well, I'll let you in on a little secret, doc.  I know that Molly's not my mother, and that she's gonna die eventually.  I'm a pathological liar."

            Rinoa searched her charts for a moment and nodded.  "Yeah.  I see that now.  So why do you tell everyone else otherwise?"

            "Have you ever met someone, and you just… felt like you had to do something for them?  You know they need your help and you just feel like the only thing that matters suddenly is helping that person.  I didn't understand it when I first met Molly.  She was just a quiet, out-of-the-way roommate of mine.  Then one morning she forgot to take her meds and she went on a rampage.  She hurt me, and I guess I should've been angry with her, but I realized, it was just even more of a cry for help.  She wanted a daughter.  So I gave her what she wanted.  And now, she really is almost like a mother to me.  Do you hear what I'm saying?"

            Rinoa nodded slowly, oddly enough feeling that she could somewhat identify with her situation.  "I know what you mean.  But tell me this.  If you know it isn't real, why do you make others think that you think it is?  Is it just because of your condition?"

            "Partly," she nodded.  "But I also realize that it has to be that way.  Molly can be delusional but she's not stupid.  If everyone else knew the truth, she'd catch on.  And to be brought out of her fantasy would tear her apart."

            "So, let me get this straight.  You think that when she hurt you, it was just because she wanted your help?  And you keep the truth about your relationship concealed for her sake?"

            She nodded again.  "People are just like animals.  You ever had a pet that got its paw tangled in some rope or something?  They want you to help them get out, but a lot of times they'll hurt you in the process, because they're scared.  You hear what I'm saying?"

            Rinoa nodded, though she wasn't completely sure she understood.  "Yeah, I hear you."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

            "Well, how did it go?"

            Rinoa turned and shot an exasperated look at her purple-haired companion.  "It was… interesting.  Well, that's a bit of an understatement.  I'm afraid I can't give you the details, though."

            Isabella shook her head and laughed.  "Of course not.  That would be unethical."  She expected to get at least a smile, or nod of acknowledgement in return, but her friend's focus seemed to have slipped away.  She waved her hand in front of Rinoa's eyes.  "Rin, are you okay?  You've been out of it since yesterday.  What happened?"

            "Nothing.  Nothing important."  Seeing that Isabella wasn't about to let it go so easily, she heaved a sigh and tried to explain.  "It's just that… I really don't think I've done much good here.  I've been here for quite a while now, yet no one seems any different from when I first came.  I just don't think I'm cut out to be a therapist.  I'm seriously considering another alternative."

            "No, you're not going anywhere!  Now look at yourself!  What happened to the confident woman I first met?  What's gotten into you?"

            At that moment, Rinoa's gaze was drawn elsewhere again, as a certain someone entered the room.  She refused to speak his name again, whether aloud or even mentally.  The hurt in her eyes didn't go unnoticed by Isabella.  

            "So it was him again?" she asked, shooting a death glare in his direction, even while Rinoa refused to look at him.  "You've got to stop listening to him, whatever it is he's saying to you.  He's just a jack-ass."

            "Yeah.  I know," Rinoa answered before standing from her seat.  "I'll catch you around."

            She watched Rinoa head out the door, her steps unusually heavy, and sluggish.  That did it.  Isabella was going to do something about this, somehow.

            Rinoa brushed those unwelcome memories of the days before aside as she marched down the hallways toward Quistis' office.  As much as she didn't want to think about him, she had to track down his files.  They couldn't have just disappeared, after all.

            Rinoa paused for a moment to knock lightly on the door, before letting herself in.  Quistis gazed up at her wearily.  "What is it, Rinoa?" 

            "I need those files, Quistis.  How am I supposed to conduct proper therapy sessions without those files?"  

            She didn't respond but just studied the young woman for a moment with tired eyes.  "You're just not going to give this up, are you?  Look, I honestly haven't seen his file in at least a year.  My guess is, it was accidentally filed in the archives, down in the basement of the building.  If you want to, go look there.  But I swear I don't have it."

            "Fine," Rinoa sighed and headed out the door again.  Somehow she sensed Quistis was sending her on wild goose chase again, but she didn't have the authority to question her just yet.  Instead she stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the very bottom floor.

            The chrome doors slid open, signaled by a short beep, and revealed a dusty room, with black and white checkered tile, and dim overhead lights.  Directly across from the elevator was a desk, but there didn't seem to be anyone there.  The rest of the room was filled to capacity with bookshelves and filing cabinets.  On the desk there was a slightly rusted chrome bell, with a hand-written sign that said, 'ring for service.'

            Rinoa slammed her hand down on the bell, causing a loud 'ding' to sound off through the room.  For a moment no one showed up, and Rinoa thought she was just out of luck, but suddenly someone jumped up from behind the desk.

            "Hi, there!" a girlish voice announced very suddenly, startling Rinoa to the point of jumping.  The girl had smiling green eyes and short brunette hair turned up at the end in a way that defied gravity.  She wore a red over-all dress with a gray turtleneck sweater beneath it, topped off with a pair of yellow rubber gloves and a soapy sponge in one hand.  She laughed.  "Sorry to scare ya!  I was just scrubbing down the desk.  You wouldn't believe how dusty it gets in here!  Well, how can I help you?"

            "I need to find someone's file.  I was told that it might have accidentally been taken here."

            "Hmm…. I don't remember anyone bringing any recent files down here.  Files of current patients are kept with their doctors.  Only the files on those who died, or were released are down here.  Every patient that was every treated here is documented, and this place is fifty years old!  Even old financial and drug shipment records are kept here," she rambled on.  "Isn't it fascinating?"

            "I guess… If you like that kind of thing," Rinoa replied.  "But I would really like to get those files now, please."

            "Right!" she agreed enthusiastically.  "Name's Selphie by the way.  Now, just tell me the last name and the year he or she was admitted."

            "The last name is Leonhart, and he's been here for three years," Rinoa explained.

            Selphie nodded and typed in the information on an old, dirty computer with a loud and irritating buzz.  She quickly scanned the screen then said, "There's absolutely no one by that name archived here."

            "But she told me that she didn't have them," Rinoa said, more to herself than to Selphie.

            Selphie smiled.  "Let me let you in on something.  Doctors are human, they make mistakes.  But to other people, they're supposed to be infallible, otherwise, how could a person trust them to help?  So doctors, when they do make mistakes, don't like to think about it sometimes, and push all evidence of it off to the side, locking it away somewhere where no one will find it."

            "Sounds possible," Rinoa replied.  After all, Quistis didn't seem the type of person who would want to admit to her mistake.

            "Most doctors have at least one drawer in their filing cabinets that's locked.  That's where they keep their failures.  Mr. Kramer doesn't like for them to keep secrets, though, so he allows them to keep a locked cabinet, only if he is given a key to it.  Those keys just happen to be kept down here."

            Rinoa's eyes widened.  "Really?  Please, I've got to find this file!"

            "I don't know," Selphie speculated.  "We could both get in serious trouble."

            "Please, a patient's well-being is at stake."

            Selphie thought for a moment longer then said, "Okay!  But on one condition.  You have to do a favor for me."

            Rinoa nodded and listened.  "Christmas is coming up soon," Selphie told her.  "It's a time for family togetherness, but I haven't been able to see my brother for years.  I took this job, hoping I could see him, or write to him at least once, but they don't allow common workers like me anywhere near his floor.  I want you to give this to him," she produced a small, folded piece of paper with writing on the inside.  "I just want him to know that I'm thinking of him.  Here, I wrote down his name and his floor number on the top.  If you'll promise to give this to him on or before Christmas, I'll give you the keys you want."

            Rinoa considered briefly, then nodded.  "I'll do it."

            "Great!" Selphie squealed.  "Just give me the doctor's name."

            "Trepe," Rinoa replied.  "Quistis Trepe."

            Selphie disappeared beneath the desk again.  Rinoa could hear her digging through boxes and shuffling papers as she leaned tiredly against the gray and white speckled counter.  After several minutes of searching, Selphie finally came back into sight with a small copper key in her hand.  

            "Here you are.  The key to Quistis Trepe's filing cabinet.  And here's the note I want you to deliver.  Please get this to him," Selphie pleaded, handing her the key and the note.

            "I will," Rinoa promised as she made her way back to the elevator.  "By the way, what floor is he on?" she called over her shoulder.

            "He's on the ninth."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

            The world had only grown darker over the last day, if that was even possible.  The words she had spoken, her soft voice trembling in pain… it was now imprinted into his mind, just another stupid thing that he'd done, that he would regret for the rest of his life.

            _"She'd tried her best to help you, now she won't even look at you.  Are you happy now?"_

            He put his hand to his forehead tiredly, wishing that just for one moment it would stop, and let him have a single moment of peace.  As he was walking down the hall toward his room, seeking the temporary refuge of those four blank white walls, he heard footsteps behind him, tapping out a quick rhythm that seemed to be mimicking his own.  Was someone trying to catch up to him?

            For a moment, he felt something approaching elation and relief, knowing that the only person that ever bothered to follow him was Rinoa.  Was it possible that she had come to forgive him?  The footsteps behind him didn't quite match the light, steady rhythm he had come to know so well from his close, and quite secretive study of his new doctor.  Not wanting to have his hopes crushed, he decided not to turn around.  It wasn't long, however, before he felt a presence close behind him, and a small, still child-like hand grab him by the shoulder and roughly turn him around.

            "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

            Squall stared at his interrogator, a girl he barely knew, and recognized only because he'd seen her with Rinoa on several occasions.  He arched an eyebrow at her demanding question, but said nothing.

            "You bastard, I should pound your ass into the floor right here and now!"

            "Do I know you?" Squall finally asked.  He masked the amusement in his voice with irritation.  After all, was he really supposed to be intimidated by this tiny creature?  

            "No, I guess you don't.  And you don't need to.  I just wanted to let you know that if you ever hurt Rinoa again, I going to beat the living shit out of you!"

            He sighed, realization dawning on him.  "I didn't mean to," he mumbled.

            "I don't care if you meant to, or not, you did!  Rinoa's actually thinking about leaving now, because of your sorry ass.  Though I can't figure out for the life of me why she should be so concerned over whatever stupid thing you said!" 

            He was silent at first, a bit taken aback by the true affect his words had had on Rinoa.  Still, he shook his head.  "What do you expect me to say?  It's not like I can take back what I said."

            "Geez, you are so stupid!" Isabella complained in a frustrated voice.  "You could at least apologize!"

            "Whatever.  I don't do apologies," he replied as he started to turn away.  He was halted by a sharp smack in the head.

            "Don't give me that.  Look, it's none of my business if you really hate Rinoa that much, though how anyone could hate her is beyond me.  All she's tried to do is help you, so the least you could do in return is apologize.  Consider it an act of honor."

            Squall studied the floor, suddenly unwilling to look at the out-spoken girl in front of him.  Is that really what Rinoa thought?  That he hated her?

            _"What does it matter, you hate everybody."_

            "I'll see what I can do," he muttered beneath his breath before continuing on his way, this time without further disruption.  He was glad, as he now had even more thoughts and feelings to sort out.  He wasn't sure if he was angry that his stupidity was brought to his attention, or glad that he was now able to understand the full extent of his mistake.

            _"Forget her.  She's just another one of those pill-pushers.  All they care about is making you suffer more.  She's no different.  Let her suffer."_

            (No, I can't) he thought to himself, for once protesting those pesky inner voices.  (I feel guilty about it, yes.  Just guilt.  It's not like I care about her or anything.  I just need to right what I've wronged… that's it, isn't it?)

            _"Don't even try fooling yourself.  You've made yourself weak for her.  You should be ashamed!"_

_            "Attraction is what it is.  You don't want her to go away, because then you wouldn't have some pretty little doctor to look at anymore.  Quistis disgusts you too much.  The only reason you feel bad for Heartily is because of your hormones."_

            (Yeah, she is pretty.  No, beautiful, really.  Especially in some of those little skirts she wears.  But this isn't about hormones, or lust.  I just have to say something, do something.  I was the cause of her pain, yet again.  I can't stand to think that I was the one that made her cry.  Maybe I am becoming weak.  Maybe, just maybe I do… care.)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

            The hallways were crowded with strangers, young and old, while nurses struggled to keep order.  One at a time, they would be called up to the nurses' station and asked whom they had come to visit.  Once given the answer, they would find where that person had been assigned to go, and direct their visitor to that place.

            Because there were so many patients on that floor, and so many people coming to visit them, patients were grouped up and sent to different public locations around the building, where they would meet with their families.  Some were sent to various rec rooms, or common rooms, and others were sent to the fifth floor cafeteria.  Isabella was headed to the outdoor recreation center.

            "Zell's parents are gonna be down there, too," she said, walking alongside Rinoa through the masses of people in the halls.  She had yet to say anything to Rinoa about her discussion with Squall the day before.  She was hoping Squall would go ahead and apologize.  "Zell says he's gonna introduce me to them.  I hope they like me."

            "I'm sure they will," Rinoa laughed slightly.  "What about your visitor?"

            "Sally?  She'll be there, too.  I can't wait to see her.  She's kinda like a big sister to me, so of course I have to introduce her to Zell.  We have so much to catch up on, too."

            The pair stopped at the elevator and waited for the doors to open.  "Well, I hope you have a good time."

            "You don't want to come down and meet her?" Isabella asked, disappointment creeping into her voice.  

            "I will later today.  They'll be here until five, right?  You should spend the first couple of hours alone together.  I'll meet her later, I promise."

            "Okay!" Isabella agreed for stepping into the elevator and disappearing.  Rinoa watched her go with a small smile upon her face.  Isabella was almost always a cheerful girl, but today she seemed especially so.

            (It must be nice to have someone care about you so much) she thought, despite herself.  (No, I have people that care, too!  They're just… not around anymore.)

            Even Quistis was being visited by some of her family members over in the doctor's lounge.  It seemed Rinoa was the only one without company.

            (I have family, too.  He's just… too busy to come.)

            Rinoa sighed to herself, still standing in front of the elevator, and pressed the button for the sixth floor.  Now, while Quistis was occupied elsewhere, would be the perfect opportunity for her to retrieve Squall's file.  At least, that's what she told herself.  She mostly wanted something to do so that she wouldn't have to think about her loneliness.  

            (What about Squall?  He's alone, too.  But he likes it that way, doesn't he?  How anyone lives like that is beyond me, but that's the way he really wants it, isn't it?)

            By this time, Rinoa found herself standing in front of the office door.  She turned the knob, finding it unlocked, and let herself inside.  She let out a gasp in surprise and considered for a moment backing out of the door, unnoticed, but it was too late.  He had seen her.

            Squall, who was seated comfortably in Quistis' padded leather desk chair and turning in slow, bored circles, gazed at Rinoa in surprise.

            Rinoa cleared her throat, and attempted to sound nonchalant as she closed the door behind her.  "What are doing here?"

"My room was invaded by Zell's parents.  There's nowhere else to go where this isn't someone else.  So I came here," he explained. 

"Zell shouldn't be in your room.  He's supposed to be outside," Rinoa said.

"Like anybody follows those stupid rules.  So what are you doing here, doctor?" he spoke the last word in a tone of slight contempt.  "Don't you have some family or friends to go see?"

Rinoa seated herself on the couch where Squall usually sat during their sessions.  She crossed her arms over her chest protectively, and frowned.  "I… I'm too busy today to receive any visitors."

            "Somehow I don't believe that," Squall replied as he stood from Quistis' chair.  "Everyone was given the day off, even doctors.  Since doctors rarely get out of this hell hole, either, they get to have a break, too."

            "Well, I'm not a full-fledged doctor, yet.  I'm still an intern."

            "Interns get the day off, too.  You forget, I've been here for a while.  Quistis has had a few interns before you."

            "Oh, I forgot, huh?  I guess that's just something else that makes me an amateur?" she choked out angrily.

            He sat down in the chair across from her, the one she usually sat in.  Perhaps he'd had the intention to apologize at first, but now he was becoming angry, mostly with himself over not being able to speak two simple little words.  "And why are you being so defensive, Ms. Heartilly, if you're confident of your abilities as a doctor?  Shouldn't you just dismiss what I say as angry, unfounded accusations from an angry, bitter man?"

            Her frown deepened.  "Who said I was being defensive?"

            He leaned forward, his eyes staring intently into hers.  "How can you ask that I tell you the truth, when you won't do the same for me?"

            She broke away from his stare, unable to handle the intensity blazing in those cool, frosty eyes.  "It doesn't matter what I say.  I'm not the one in therapy, am I?"

            He smirked a little, but his tone wasn't the least bit playful.  "No, not today.  It's time for a little role reversal.  Today you're the patient, and I'm the doctor.  You're the one with the problems and I'm the one spouting off all that optimistic bull shit like it's the answer to all your pain.  So tell me, Rinoa.  What seems to be the problem?" he asked, his voice low and mocking.

            Rinoa shivered slightly upon hearing her first name escape his lips.  Was it really the first time he'd called her by her first name?  She shook away the thought, and replied slowly, "I'm an only child, I have no siblings.  I didn't have much time for friends while trying to study for this job, so they all forgot about me.  My mother died when I was little, and my father doesn't have time for me.  Is that what you wanted to know, Dr. Leonhart?"

            He stared into her eyes, neither happiness nor displeasure showing in his expression.  Rinoa fought the urge to shiver again, feeling as though he were peering right down into her soul and judging her.

            (It's almost like… he can tell what I'm thinking, how I feel about him.  But, how would he be able to know, when I don't know myself.  He's just a patient… but if that's true, why do I feel so guilty about the way I feel for him?)

            "So you'll admit, then, that the world isn't perfect," he said finally.

            "I never said it was."

            "I might've assumed that there was someone out there that cared about you.  That there had to be.  But it sounds to me like you have no one."

            Her eyes began tearing up, and she turned her head away from him.  She would not show him weakness, even though he had just struck a deathblow to a very sensitive nerve.

            "What's the matter?  Can't handle the truth?" he asked harshly.  "This is what I have to face everyday.  I live with the truth.  But you, you're living in denial, making yourself believe that there are tons of people out there that care about you, when you've been completely left behind.  So tell me what's better!" he demanded.  "Suffering with the truth or living a lie?"

            She stood up and turned her back to him while she tried desperately to control her tears.  She was silent, trying to collect the remnants of her shattered composure in deep, solid breaths, until she finally gave up.  She whirled around, her face alight with rage and irrepressible pain.  "Haven't you done enough?  What kind of point are you trying to prove?  I know that I'm not good at this, I don't need you to keep reminding me!" she cried.  "So just shut up!  I can't take it anymore!"

            "I'm sorry," he mumbled, a sharp pain surging through his chest at the sight of her tears, and the sting of her words.  "I really-"

            "No!" she interrupted.  "Don't tell me you're sorry, I know you're not!  You want out of here?  Fine, give me the damn papers, I'll sign the fucking things myself!  There's no point to you being here!  You know why nobody can help you, Squall?  Because you won't let yourself be helped!  Quistis wasted a good chunk of her time and effort on you, and I wasted several years of my life ever thinking that I could succeed at this," her voice lowered, now hoarse from so much yelling.  "I don't know what to do anymore," she whispered, leaning against the desk as the strength seeped out of her body.  

            A heavy silence hung in the air, Rinoa worn out from her tirade, and Squall at a complete loss of what to say.  The only thing he knew was that he'd never felt so terrible in his life.  He couldn't look at her, but he could hear her as she turned away again, and sobbed quietly to herself.

            _"Isn't this what you wanted?  To be rid of her and everybody else here?  Leave it well enough alone."_

            Squall ignored the thought and slowly stood up, considering his options.  Fleeing the room and never looking back was a highly appealing idea at the moment, but he knew that if he didn't do something now, he could never make it right again.  He slowly approached her, though she didn't notice, and gently, hesitantly placed his hands on her shoulders.  Whether it was in support, or just to show that he was still there, he wasn't sure.  He had no idea what he was doing.

            When she felt the touch of his hands on her shoulders, she turned around slightly, studying him from the corner of her eye before abruptly turning to face him and burying her face in his chest, still crying.

            If he was clueless before, he hated to think of what he was now.  He simply froze, not knowing what to do, or say, not knowing if he was helping or making matters worse.  All he could do was stand there, his hands rested gently on her arms, and her warm tears dampening his shirt.  He finally gathered the courage to whisper, in a faintly trembling voice, "I'm sorry.  I really didn't mean it."

            He wasn't sure how long they stayed that way, nor did he care.  There was a strange warmth in his heart, an odd little piece of him that liked the close proximity of her body, and reveled in it.  Was it possible that Squall Leonhart had a tender side?

            (Stranger things have been known to happen) he thought to himself.

            Finally, she picked up her head, and reluctantly brought her eyes to meet his.  "I'm sorry," she whispered.  "I didn't mean to-"

            "Don't apologize," he interrupted.  "I'm the one who's at fault.  I don't know why I say things I don't mean… maybe it's just a defense mechanism.  But really, I… you are good at what you do.  And you should never doubt yourself because of some stupid thing I say."

            She nodded, still so close to him.  Closer to him than she thought was really healthy.  "I know.  It's just hard."

            "I-I guess… I guess I do need your help," he stammered.  It wasn't something that was easy for him to say.  He'd never admitted it to anyone before, not even himself.  

            She smiled to him slightly.  "I'll help you.  And that's a promise."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A/N:  Whew… Got a little intense there for a minute.  Well, hope you liked it!  And remember, comments or questions will be responded to in my live journal.

Next chapter: Squall & Rinoa's third session, Rinoa steals Squall's file, and Squall & Rinoa get it on in Quistis' office?  


	9. Chapter VIII: Forbidden Attraction

A note to my NAMELESS reviewer: Look, I'm sorry that you were placed in a mental hospital, I sympathize with you. But I'm going to continue to do my fic the way I had originally intended, and I think if you continue reading, you will see that your fears of me making a 'mockery' of the topic are misplaced. I would also appreciate it if you would not use the review board to yell at my reviewers that happen to support me and share a different opinion than you do. If you have any further comments, please e- mail me at Sarah53088@aol.com, or instant message me at Sarah53088 so that we can settle this personally. Thank you. ~Dark Raion  
  
Chapter dedication: To everyone that likes and supports this fic.  
  
Chapter 8  
  
The room was covered in grayish light that flowed in through the open window and cast the world beyond in shadows. A cool, fresh breeze gently blew in, caressing her face and playing in her strands of raven hair. It had been a long while since she'd awoken to a beautiful, peaceful moment such as this. For once, there was time to just sit at the open window and gaze out at the creatures below as they began to stir. She'd been awake for an hour or so, and had taken a long, hot bath, that had done much for her spirits.  
  
She wasn't sure what had caused her to wake up so early. Perhaps it was just that she'd slept so soundly. For the first time since coming there, she felt she was making progress. Still, there was something that made her feel even more at peace, at a depth that she could feel down in her soul.  
  
(He touched me. no, more than that. He sort of held me. It was so sweet. And it felt so right. If only I could tell him.)  
  
Despite the serenity of the moment, there was a small bit of sadness inside Rinoa. She couldn't help but think of him, and how it had felt to be so close to him. The memory of those sensations played itself over and over in her mind. But she knew things could never be that way. She was his doctor after all, and to be anything more would be dangerous. No matter how badly she wanted it.  
  
(He needs a friend now. Someone he can trust, without the complication of hidden feelings, or physical attraction. If Quistis knew about the thoughts I've had of him, she'd fire me on the spot.)  
  
Rinoa allowed a small smile to grace her lips as she looked out into the world of colorless life. The asylum was quite isolated, but the skyline of the city was visible ahead, the sun slowly climbing it's way into the sky behind it. Someday, she would live in that big city, and open up a psychiatric office of her own, but for now, she was content to be where she was. After all, she was young now, still a child chasing after her dreams in the distant horizon. Though she often didn't have the time to sit back and think about it anymore, she silently celebrated the fact that she was living, which was exactly what was supposed to be done with life. No matter how bad things got, there was always that.  
  
(He doesn't understand that, though. Maybe no one's pointed it out to him. Or maybe, he was just never given the chance. If only I knew more about his past. I know he won't tell me himself.)  
  
That reminded her of today's mission. She was going to get Squall's files, if it was the last thing she did. The only problem was, getting into the office when Quistis wasn't there.  
  
(I wonder what she could possibly have to hide, anyway. I know things didn't turn out quite right with him, but what reason is that to lock all of his information away? )  
  
Rinoa reluctantly turned away from the window, and grabbed her coat off the back of a small desk chair. Her's wasn't exactly a luxury suite, but it suited her, and her few belongings just fine. Closing the window, and casting one last glance around the room, she made her way to the elevator, hoping that if she went to the office early enough, no one would be there.  
  
The elevator was, of course, empty. It was really the first time since coming there that she had felt alone. Everywhere she went, there were masses of people, whether they were patients, nurses of doctors. It seemed, however, that nobody was really awake at this hour in the morning, except the building guards.  
  
She strolled into the office casually, relieved at the fact that it was empty. She glanced around cautiously and noticed a security camera mounted in the corner of the room, but chose to ignore it. Nothing would seem strange to security about an intern retrieving a file, right? She found the locked drawer, the one at the very top of the filling cabinet, and sunk the key into its hole. It was a perfect fit. She quickly turned the key and jerked the drawer open, suddenly anxious to have the deed over and done with, lest she be caught. There were really very few files kept here, most of them appearing to be older files, wrinkled and torn at the edges with a faded coloring. Rinoa did, however, find one that was perfectly intact and only slightly bent. On the tab at the top, it bore the name 'Leonhart, S.' in red ink.  
  
(Perfect) Rinoa thought as she grabbed the file and slammed the drawer shut. She was tempted to look over it right then and there, but realized that she'd have to keep her curiosity in check until she was in a safe area. Instead, she tucked the manila folder beneath her arm and exited the room, the key safely in her pocket.  
  
She took the elevator back to her room and hid the file in a drawer in her desk. She was dying to look at it, but soon everyone would be awake, and she couldn't risk getting caught with it. If Quistis knew what she had done, she'd be fired instantly.  
  
(The things I do for that man.) Rinoa thought to herself. Still, she really couldn't be angry about it. It wasn't his fault Quistis had some sort of secret to hide.  
  
Rinoa heaved a loud sigh, mostly to herself, and headed out of her room once more. It was going to be an agonizingly long day.  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
"I've scheduled you another appointment with Georgia for next week. I understand you also have an appointment with Squall that week. the day before, I believe. Are you sure you can handle that?"  
  
Rinoa laughed slightly. "Yes, I'm positive."  
  
Quistis nodded, with her usual somber expression, and said, "That's good, very good. Tell me, did you ever find that file you were looking for?" she asked this with her eyes trained on the paper before her, and her tone carefully restricted to one of innocence.  
  
Rinoa tried her best to hide the mockery in her voice as she answered. "No. I never did find them. The girl at the archives office didn't have them."  
  
Quistis nodded, putting upon her face a sympathetic look. "That's too bad, really. They would've been a great help."  
  
"Yeah, I'm sure," she replied before standing up from the burgundy leather chair where she had been seated for the past hour. "If that's all, I guess I'll be going to lunch now."  
  
Upon Quistis' nod, Rinoa gathered her things and left the office, her high heels clicking madly as she rushed away from the room. There were few things worse that having to sit in that office with Quistis while she asked the same questions over, and over, and reviewed schedule changes with her.  
  
Shoving her disorganized notes in her coat pocket, she went down to the fifth floor cafeteria and grabbed herself lunch, which consisted today of pizza.  
  
(Is pizza cheese really supposed to be this orange?) she wondered as she took a seat at her usual table.  
  
"So, how was your session with Quistis today?" Rinoa asked of her purple-haired friend.  
  
Isabella scrunched up her nose in an expression of disgust before saying, "I'd rather not talk about it, if it's all the same to you. You, on the other hand, seem in a better mood. Care to tell?"  
  
Thoughts of the day before caused Rinoa's eyes to scan the room involuntarily, searching until they landed upon a familiar face. The sensation of being watched lured his eyes to hers, and she shot him a wide smile, causing him to look down at the table in embarrassment.  
  
Isabella laughed. "Looks like you two made up."  
  
"We resolved our argument, if that's what you mean," she replied innocently.  
  
She laughed, shaking her head. "If you say so. Why don't you go talk to him? I'll be alright on my own for a moment."  
  
"Come to think of it, I do need to talk to him," Rinoa muttered, turning slowly to her friend. Isabella was grinning like a perverted idiot. "It's not like that! We have to reschedule is all," she clarified, standing up and trashing the remains of her cheese blob and tomato paste on a really big cracker.  
  
She sat down cautiously in front of Squall and smiled at him once more. "Good morning, Mr. Leonhart."  
  
He glanced up at her briefly, clearing his throat and absent-mindedly stabbing at his lunch with a plastic fork. "Morning."  
  
"So, tell me, what's caused this aggressive behavior that you seem to be taking out on your lunch?" she asked, attempting to keep a straight face and a professional tone as she teased him.  
  
He shook his head and tried to sound like his usual, cold and aggressive self by growling out, "What do you want?" But Rinoa could tell his heart wasn't in it. It was merely an act of pride.  
  
Rinoa glanced around quickly, as if assuring that no one was listening in on them, then leaned in closer, saying, "I found your files," in a hushed voice.  
  
His eyes widened slightly in surprise, and he was uncertain of what he should feel. He and Quistis had kind of a silent agreement that his files would stay hidden, for both their benefits. Now Rinoa had somehow managed to dig it up, and she would learn every little detail about his past. Still, he tried to act nonchalant. "So?"  
  
"I thought we could schedule an appointment sooner. This newfound information could make a big difference. So. I was wondering. what about this afternoon?"  
  
"Have you read it yet?" he asked quietly, his eyes grave, and his jaw set.  
  
"No, I haven't had a chance. So, what do you say? I've got an hour clear this afternoon at three."  
  
"Fine," he grumbled.  
  
She smiled at him as she stood up, and said, "Great, I'll see you at three."  
  
With that she turned and walked away, headed out of the cafeteria. Squall eyes followed her, without his mind's permission. He didn't want to admit that he liked looking at her, and watching her, but the truth was undeniable. It wasn't just the way she looked on the outside, but something that went much deeper than her skin.  
  
"You've been alone too long. Maybe the doctor's interest in you isn't such a bad thing?"  
  
He sighed and shook away his impure thoughts before standing to leave. He still had several hours to kill, until he went to see Rinoa again.  
  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
Rinoa entered the room slowly, eyes searching the area for any sign of Quistis. Good, she'd already left. She carefully pulled the folder from beneath her coat and walked over to the desk, seating herself in the chair. She still had a few moments before her appointment, and she intended to use the time to satisfy her curious mind.  
  
She carefully flipped open the folder, and studied the first page. It was neatly organized with all of Squall's basic information, from his name and age, to his place of birth, and diagnosed disease. The next bit of information was more intriguing. There was the date he was admitted, and the cause, which she already knew about. But the thing that caught her attention the most was the person that admitted him. It was none other than a Dr. Quistis Trepe.  
  
A small gasp escaped her throat, as her eyes were drawn repeatedly back to the familiar name. Quistis must've known Squall before he came to the asylum. Why didn't she ever tell Rinoa?  
  
(For the same reason she locked away the file) her mind concluded. (Something went terribly wrong, obviously.)  
  
Just as she was reading on to the next line, there came a quiet knock on the door. Rinoa quickly shut the folder, and called, "Come in."  
  
She let out a relieved sigh as Squall stepped into the room and shut the door behind him. Her paranoia over stealing the file had told her that it was Quistis behind the door. She shoved her fears aside and grabbed the folder off the desk before seating herself in her usual seat across from Squall.  
  
"Quistis admitted you," she stated simply, looking to her silent patient for answers.  
  
"Yes," was all he said in return.  
  
"You're not going to explain it to me?"  
  
"Ask Quistis. She'll be able to explain it better than I will," Squall replied, watching her intently. She fidgeted slightly beneath his gaze, feeling heat spread into her cheeks.  
  
(Does he have to keep staring at me like that?)  
  
She took a deep breath to calm her nerves before saying, "Well, just give me a minute to go over the rest of your information, and then we'll begin."  
  
He nodded in agreement, but still didn't take his eyes off her. Bright sunlight streamed in through the window, bathing her in whitish light and giving her an almost angelic glow.  
  
She must have noticed his sudden infatuation with her, as she slowly raised her eyes from the file, peeking at him over the top and shooting him a small, mischievous smile. Rinoa stood from her chair and sat down on the couch next to him, causing his muscles to tense in surprise. Still, her close presence was not unwelcome.  
  
"Do you like what you see?" she asked, her voice lowered to a seductive whisper.  
  
He didn't answer, couldn't look her in the eye. He could feel his heart thumping at an unsteady rate in his chest, and wondered if it would explode as he felt her fingers gently brush his ear while trying to tuck a stray strand of hair behind his ear. Only one person had ever touched him with that kind of tenderness, but it was in no way the same as it was now.  
  
"You're awfully tense," she observed. "You shouldn't be so nervous around me. I won't bite."  
  
He took a deep breath and managed to calm his nerves enough to meet her steady gaze. The ends of her lips curled into a small smile, and she slid a hand down the rigid muscles of his chest. He wanted to push her away, but realized he was enjoying this. Instead of shying away, he gently placed a hand on her cheek and pulled her into a kiss.  
  
She didn't resist, but instead seemed to revel in the act, moving as close to him as was possible. The soft scent emanating from her skin combined with the feel of her lips succumbing beneath the forcefulness of his own was intoxicating, luring him into enchantment. He was lost within her.  
  
Rinoa moved into his lap, hands pushing beneath his shirt and gliding over his sensitive flesh. He bit back a groan, and carefully rested a hand on her thigh as he broke the almost sacred contact shared by their lips and softly devoured her neck.  
  
"Squall." she murmured in a breathless voice. "Squall. Hello, Earth to Squall, are you there?"  
  
Squall's eyes snapped open as he was rudely snatched from his dream- like fantasy. His face instantly reddened, and he tried to hide his embarrassment beneath his hand. It was certainly not the first time he'd gotten lost within his mind, engrossed in thoughts that had dared to run wild, but this was the first time any of his imaginings had strayed to something of that nature. He couldn't say he was displeased by it, but it was certainly unexpected, and startling. He supposed it was the side effect of getting too close to a woman he was attracted to.  
  
"Are you okay?" Rinoa asked, true concern in her voice. "You looked a little. out of it there."  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine," he replied gruffly. "Let's just. get on with it. If you're finished reading that is."  
  
Rinoa nodded. "Yes, pretty much. You don't have any living family," she stated, cutting straight to the subject. "What happened to them?"  
  
"I never knew them."  
  
"None of them? Certainly there had to be someone. Who did you live with?"  
  
"Why should I tell you?" he asked, his voice edging on anger.  
  
"So I can help you," she replied calmly. Part of her had expected this sort of reaction, and she somewhat felt she couldn't blame him. It would be a touchy subject to anyone. "I know this isn't something you want to talk about, but I need to know. Please."  
  
"I lived with foster parents. and my. my sister."  
  
Rinoa watched with concerned eyes the affect the mention of his sister had on him. She kept her eyes on him, but quickly jotted down a note about it. "What about your sister, Squall? Were you close to her?"  
  
He was silent for a long moment, long enough to make Rinoa feel extremely uneasy. ".Yes," he finally answered, his voice so low she could hardly hear it, and his eyes distance and troubled.  
  
"And what happened to her?"  
  
He visibly flinched at this question, as if he had known it was coming, but couldn't bear to actually hear it spoken. He covered his eyes with his hands and let loose a shaky breath. Rinoa frowned deeply and placed her hand on his free one, which balled into a fist beneath hers. "Don't," he whispered, voice quivering with barely suppressed rage.  
  
Still, Rinoa did not remove her hand. "Squall," she began quietly, but steadily. "I know this is hard for you, but-"  
  
"No you don't," he replied, his voice still tight with a barely contained explosion.  
  
Rinoa sighed, but tightened her grip on his hand. "My mother died, Squall. I was young, but I loved her very much. Then one day, she was just gone. Her things, things I could've kept to remember her by, were destroyed in the same fire that killed her. So yes, I know what it's like."  
  
He released a loud sigh, and slowly raised his eyes to meet hers. "I guess sticking my foot in my mouth is my hobby?"  
  
She smiled at his dry humor, and said, "Yeah, but I can always help you find a new hobby. What do you do for entertainment, anyway?"  
  
"Stuff."  
  
Rinoa rolled her eyes. "Stuff?" she repeated. "What kind of stuff?"  
  
He smirked slightly. "Secret kind of stuff."  
  
She laughed aloud, and said, "I'll tell you what. We'll take this slow. We'll go ahead and move onto something else now, and in a few day's time, we'll try touching on the subject again. How does that sound to you?"  
  
He studied her face for a moment before settling on the warm brown orbs of her eyes. She looked at him with such concern, and understanding. she was trying to help him feel less pain, he realized. That was something he thought that Quistis would never have considered.  
  
"Alright, Dr. Heartilly. You've got yourself a deal."  
  
Rinoa shook her head. "Please, enough with the doctor stuff, really. I think we know each other well enough now that you can call me Rinoa," she teased.  
  
"Okay then, Rinoa," he said, her name rolling of his tongue like it was the most natural thing for him to say.  
  
She felt the all too familiar warmth spread over her face, and looked away, allowing her hand to drop away from his. It was another one of those moments where she just wanted to reach over and kiss him. Instead she took a deep breath, and decided to get back to business. "So, Squall, tell me about your day.."  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
A/N: Well, there it is. The ever '-controversial' chapter that some people were in an up-roar over. I decided to tone it down a bit, at least for now, so sorry to those of you that were expected a full-fledged lemon. But worry not, there will be one. As always, comments are welcome, flames are discouraged, reviews are well loved. 


	10. Chapter IX: A Tale of Childhood Blues

Chapter 9  
  
The sound of singular footsteps echoed through the mostly empty halls at a steady rate after leaving the carpeted floor of the elevator. It was another morning in which she had woken before the rise of the sun, and she was now on her way to check her schedule before heading to Quistis' office. Her eyes were trained on her feet, her mind too tired to register anyone or anything else, until she noticed the multi-colored blurs spotting the edges of the floor. She looked up, for the first time that morning noticing her surroundings. The main lights in the hall were turned off, and Christmas lights were strung up along the walls, casting an eerie glow throughout the hall.  
  
"What the hell." Rinoa mumbled.  
  
Margaret poked her head out from around the corner, a string of Christmas light wound around her arm. She flashed a smile. "Next week is Christmas. Don't you remember? We decorate every year, and try and get everyone in the spirit. Of course, it's somewhat of a useless task. The depressed ones couldn't care less, and the other ones. sometimes they get a little too excited."  
  
Rinoa leaned against the wall and watched as Margaret tacked up another few inches of lights. "I don't imagine that too many people here get excited. After all, they have to stay shut up in this place, all alone. They can't go out and see their families or friends. It must be horrible."  
  
"Quite the contrary. We have a special little rule here for Christmas. Patients can be checked out for Christmas by the ones that checked them in. Well, at least the patients on this floor can. Many of them will be going home for Christmas, as well as many of the doctors. Dr. Trepe will be leaving next week. What about you, Ms. Heartilly?"  
  
Rinoa frowned slightly, and offered a half-hearted shrug. "I don't know. Maybe I'll stay around and look after things while she's gone."  
  
Margaret shrugged. "Suit yourself. Thing will get pretty boring about now."  
  
As the words left her mouth, a loud beep sounded from down the hall. It was a familiar sound, undoubtedly a flat-line. But who on this hall would be hooked up to a heart monitor?  
  
"Molly," Margaret mumbled before running off, Rinoa not far behind.  
  
By the time they reached the room, it was too late. She was old, and had been in poor health for so long. A simple heart failure had been her end. That morning, as the patients awoke one by one, they stepped out of their rooms to see the hall was crowded with paramedics, and a zipped up body bag on a stretcher. Quistis stood, leaning against the wall with Molly's files in her hand, a slightly saddened look upon her face. Rinoa came to stand next to her, and for an agonizingly long moment, not a single word was spoken.  
  
"It's sad, isn't?" Quistis said finally. "She spent the past few years in this place, her life nothing more than a denial-enforced delusion."  
  
"You don't sound awfully torn up about it," Rinoa pointed out, her voice distorted with tears. "I mean, I didn't really know her, but."  
  
"But, she went just in time," Quistis interrupted. "We received a new patient just this morning. We didn't have a place to put her before, but now we have a room available for her." She turned and studied Rinoa's expression, which was one of pure horror, and disbelief. "I know what you're thinking Ms. Heartilly. Why am I brushing this off as if her life were nothing? As if she were just wasting our space? I've been meaning to have this discussion with you for quite a long time, and now is a good time, I think. It's textbook Rinoa. you don't get too involved with your patients. They spend years in college drilling that into your head, but it seemed you discarded the lesson the minute you walked through that door. I know you want to be their friend, but you can't. Some of these people are dangerous, you-"  
  
"They're not criminals!" Rinoa interjected, her voice rising in anger.  
  
"I never said they were. But they can become criminals. It's best not to get attached to them anyway. Eventually they'll either get better and leave, or they'll die here like Molly did. You'll never see them again. So don't get too involved, Rinoa. It's dangerous, and unethical. It's supposed to be a business-like relationship, only."  
  
She glared at Rinoa pointedly, and for a brief moment paranoia overcame her, and she wondered if Quistis knew how she really felt. She quickly regained her previous anger, however, and decided now was as good a time as any to ask the big question that had haunted her mind for so long. "So, if that's the case, then how did you know Squall before you admitted him? It couldn't have been a business-like relationship," she countered with a satisfied smile.  
  
Quistis gasped, and her eyes widened. "I. how did you.?"  
  
"You thought if you buried the past it would never come to light? Well I'm sorry to disappoint you, but it doesn't work that way. Don't you realize what could've happened as a result of you hiding those files? No can ever help him when they know nothing about him, and he sure as hell wouldn't talk about it himself. You jeopardized his well-being so that you wouldn't have to face whatever mistake it was that you made with him!" Rinoa accused.  
  
"It's none of your damn business what happened!" Quistis yelled back. "And I suggest you drop that insubordinate tone with me. In case you've forgotten, you're still just an intern here, and it's well within my power to fire you!"  
  
"I'm not gonna drop the subject until you tell me what happened," Rinoa growled out in a low voice.  
  
Quistis sighed heavily before turning on her heel and hurrying down the hall. "I don't have time for this right now!"  
  
Rinoa took off after her. "You're not gonna get out of it that easily!" She was cut off suddenly as she bumped into some thing tall, and hard.  
  
Rinoa stumbled back a few steps, having lost her balance, and was just about to fall flat on her ass, when a pair of strong arms caught her and steadied her. She drew her eyes up until they met with a pair of amused, crystal blue ones. "In such a hurry to get away from me?"  
  
Rinoa felt the all too familiar heat spread over her cheeks as she shook her head. "No, I was trying to ask Quistis a question, and she blew me off."  
  
Squall nodded. "Probably better off not having to talk to her."  
  
"It was kinda important," she explained. "I guess it's gonna have to wait now, though. So, where are you headed?"  
  
"Outside. I figure I might as well enjoy the outside world while I can. even if it is inside a twenty-foot chain-link fence."  
  
Rinoa shook her head, about to say something, when the sketchbook tucked beneath his arm caught her attention. "So. are you finally going to let me have a look at your drawings?"  
  
He began walking toward the elevator again, knowing that she would follow him. "Why would you be interested in it? I'm not any good."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "That's not the point, though knowing you, you're probably not giving yourself enough credit. I just want to get to know my patient is all. And, you happen to be a very interesting person, believe it or not." He cast her an annoyed glance, but said nothing. "Ah- ha! You're getting more sociable, I can tell! A week or so ago, you would have told me to leave you alone."  
  
They stepped into the elevator together and were silent for a moment as the doors slid closed. "Well, if you must know the truth." Squall began. "You were so damn persistent I gave up on trying to put you off."  
  
"You're mean," Rinoa stated simply.  
  
"And you're loud," Squall replied.  
  
There was a moment of silence as the elevator slowly made it's way down to the bottom floor. They both leaned comfortably against the back wall, as far apart as they could get though neither one seemed to have taken too much offense to their earlier exchange of insults.  
  
"I told Quistis I found your file," Rinoa said at last. "That's why I was chasing her. She panicked and ran. She didn't want to answer my questions."  
  
"Try cornering her in her office later."  
  
"I plan to," she replied, then turned to look at him with an amused look on her face. "You know, you're the last person I expected to get help from on this."  
  
He shrugged. "Whatever shuts you up."  
  
She didn't say anything, the corners of her mouth twitching until finally she finally couldn't hold back her laughter any longer.  
  
"What's your problem?"  
  
"It's just that your insults have been so half-hearted lately. I think maybe I'm getting to you." She laughed some more, edging closer to him. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you liked me!"  
  
A small 'ding' sounded, and the elevator doors slid open once more. "I hate everyone," he replied, walking out into the main lobby with her following closely behind.  
  
She just laughed again. "If you say so."  
  
He stopped and turned to look at her, more than a little annoyed this time. "Stop trying to pretend you know me!"  
  
She sobered up immediately and walked past him. "You're in a rather foul mood this morning. I guess I'll quit bothering you."  
  
He watched her walk away, his face twisted into an angry frown. He slowly followed suit, opening the door to the outside, and taking a seat at a bench in the far corner. He scanned the area, a habit he'd had since as far back as he could remember, though now it was for a different reason. He spotted his target on the other side of the basketball court, sitting alone while she watched her friends have fun. Even with the melancholy expression on her face, she shone with an extraordinary beauty.  
  
Taking his pencil into his hand, and flipping his sketchbook open to a clean page, he was suddenly struck with inspiration.  
  
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"You know you can't hide from me forever."  
  
The door slammed shut with a loud crash, bringing whatever peaceful moment had been there to a halt.  
  
"You're just not going to give it up, are you?" she asked quietly, dull blue eyes staring tiredly up at the intruder. "It's true, I don't want to tell you, I've been avoiding it all day. But you won't call it quits until you know the big dark secret, huh?"  
  
"Exactly. It's time to share your secret."  
  
"Fine then. But once I've told you, I don't want to hear another word about it. Do you understand me?" Upon seeing Rinoa's nod, she sighed, and pointed to the leather chair where she sat during sessions. "Take a seat then."  
  
Rinoa did as she was instructed, and waited patiently as her boss took a big sip of her coffee, as if to calm her nervousness. "So, you want to know about my relationship with Squall before he was admitted? Well, it's not what you're probably thinking it is. I was his sister's best friend, originally. Since we were in the fourth grade, we were inseparable. Right away, I noticed her adorable little brother, three years younger than we were. Even when he was young, he was quite the little genius. Being somewhat of a child prodigy myself, I was quite interested." She paused for a moment, taking another long sip from her mug. "It turned from interest, into somewhat of an obsession. As we got older, I suppose you could say that I. developed feelings for him." She looked away for a moment, staring off into blank space. When she spoke again, her voice was quivering. "I only wanted the best for him."  
  
Sensing that Quistis was having trouble continuing, Rinoa gently urged her to carry on. "So, what happened?"  
  
"Everything he did. I was always there, looking over it, making sure it was done correctly. As I said, I only wanted the best for him. I saw so much potential in him, much of it he wasn't using. He didn't really care, but I did. I had always thought I was doing the right thing, encouraging him. I never realized that I was pushing him too hard. Never realized how much resentment was building within him. That's why he hates me now. No matter how well he did, it was never good enough for me. At least, that's the way it seemed to him. It pissed him off even more because he didn't believe it was any of my business, and he was probably right. But, back then, I thought I knew everything."  
  
"How did it happen, then?" Rinoa asked gently. "It couldn't have just been that that brought him to this place. What happened?"  
  
"Squall may have hated me, but he loved his sister very much. She was really the only family he had left. I tried to become part of that family, too, but it only made things worse. Anyway, just a year before he was admitted, there was an accident. I don't know exactly what happened, the only thing I know is that Squall was driving the car, and his sister was in the passenger seat. Something happened. there was a horrible accident. He was injured, knocked unconscious. His sister was pronounced dead on arrival. When he woke up, I had to break the news to him. Something in him turned numb that day. He thought it was all his fault. Because he was driving the car, because he swore that he did something wrong. He couldn't forgive himself. He felt so guilty, he couldn't even bring himself to go to the funeral, he couldn't face all the people that had lost someone because of his mistakes."  
  
"So, that's what it was all about? He still blames himself for his sister's death. he never even went to the funeral, never got any closure."  
  
Quistis nodded. "Yes, exactly. As time slowly wore on, it only got worse. He became. suicidal. Couldn't live with the guilt. I went to his apartment one evening, and knocked on the door, but he wouldn't answer. I had taken it upon myself to get an emergency key, so I finally just let myself in, only to find that he had slit his wrists, and was on the verge of passing out. I bandaged him up, waited until he felt better. then I let him know just how furious I was with him. Told him he had too much potential to waste in such a way, and that his sister would've been furious as well. He went crazy then. I don't remember all the things he said, but it was something along the lines of me trying to takes his sister's place. I left that night so upset, and by the time I'd reached home, I'd made up my mind to bring him here. I had it in my mind that I would save him from himself. But bringing him here only made him hate me more. He feels like I took his freedom away, and I guess he's right. I had convinced myself over the years, that any doctor he'd be forced to deal with would make him feel the same way. But then you came along. I can see a change in him already."  
  
Rinoa shifted uncomfortably as the silence closed in. She didn't know what to say after a confession like that. At least everything seemed to make a lot more sense.  
  
"So, now you know," Quistis said. "Are you happy now?"  
  
"I'm not sure that's the right word for it. I'm glad that now I know, so I can help him better, but."  
  
"Well, I've told my story, there's nothing more to talk about. So, if you would be so kind as to leave me to my own thoughts for awhile, I would really appreciate it."  
  
Rinoa nodded slowly, as she stood from her seat. Without another word, she left the room, quietly closing the door behind her with no particular destination in mind. She drifted through the halls, her mind too cluttered to process the information she'd just received. Thoughtlessly she made her way toward the cafeteria, her instincts telling her that it was time for lunch. The moment she stepped into the cafeteria, her eyes fell upon a familiar figure, and felt an immediate heaviness in her heart.  
  
"I'll make things better for you. I swear it. This isn't just professional anymore."  
  
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A/N: Sorry this wasn't too exciting, or anything. Next chapter is all about the action! Well, a little action, a little romance, and a little suspense. And, a bit of a break from all the drama while we're at it. Be sure to read on! 


	11. Chapter X: Winter Wonderland

A/N:  Well, there is a little bit of drama in this chapter, but not a lot!  Hell, with a story like this, it's kinda hard to escape.  But, the rest is action, romance, and suspense as promised.

                                                            Chapter 10

_I don't feel a thing_

_And I stopped remembering_

_The days are just like moments turned to hours_

_Mother used to say_

_If you want you'll find a way_

_Bet mother never danced through fire showers_

_Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain_

_I walk in the rain, in the rain_

_Am I right_

_Or am I wrong_

And is it here that I belong 

Tiny sparkling dots drifted slowly to the icy pavement below, like stars falling gracefully from the black winter sky.  The world was frozen in silence, only a speeding blur of movement cutting through the stillness.  The quiet roar of the motor was the only sound within the vehicle, save the muffled, static screeching of the out of tune radio, turned to a low volume.  The clock and other dashboard fixtures cast an eerie green light throughout the car, illuminating one side of his face and casting the other in complete shadow.

            It had been a long evening of traveling down the desolate road between the home they used to share and the small apartment she'd called home ever since she'd gone off to medical school.  She'd been so tied up in her studies that she'd missed spending Christmas with her family, but she at least intended to enjoy what was left of the holidays with them.  At the moment, she was leaned comfortably back in the passenger seat, sleeping her exhaustion away.  He smiled slightly at the peacefulness of the moment, glad to be able to see her again.  The house had seemed awfully empty since she had left.

            With his free hand he rubbed his eyes, feeling his own fatigue beginning to catch up with him.  He'd had the opportunity to stop off at a hotel and rest, but he thought it unnecessary.  Now he was regretting his decision, but there was nothing he could do about it now.  The next town was still several miles away.

            He gripped the steering wheel tightly, trying to keep his heavy eyelids from lowering any further.  It was a battle he was quickly loosing.  In the distance he vaguely noticed a blur of bright white lights coming closer, but couldn't rouse his brain from the depths of slumber enough to register what it was.  The bright lights came closer, wandering gradually on to his side of the road.  It seemed he wasn't the only one plagued by sleepiness.

            The blaring horn of a semi-truck in close proximity sent his mind into over-drive, and forced his eyes wide open.  He slammed on the brakes, trying to steer off the road but the pavement was slick with ice, and the tires slid with a mind of their own, until their journey was cut short by a fierce collision with the front of the truck.  

            The world became nothing more than a haze of crippling pain, as the sound of screeching tires and shattering glass played on in the background.  When his senses slowly returned, he found himself lying on his back in red tinted snow.  He tried to get up, to stumble to the wreckage and search for her, but he couldn't move, and little by little, he stopped caring.  Warm liquid trickled down his forehead, around the bridge of his nose, and down his frostbitten cheeks like crimson tears.  His senses dulled once more, something within going numb as he stared up at the dark canopy of midnight above.  Snowflakes rained down around him, like heaven's frozen sorrow pouring down from the sky, descending in slow motion, as his eyes finally began to close.  He took another shaky breath, steam rising from his lips as he strained for the next one.  The world drifted away, becoming irrelevant.  He took one last look at the black winter sky above, the tiny sparkling dots falling softly upon his face, before closing his eyes to the hell around him, and expecting it to be the last thing he saw.

His eyes snapped open, fists clutching at the sheets as he relived the painful memory he'd tried so hard to forget.  He gently ran his fingers over the scar across his forehead, and cringed slightly.  It was as if he could still feel it bleeding.  

            He sat up in his bed, knowing that sleep would not come for him a second time that night, and rested his elbows on his knees.  His chest rose and fell erratically, the well-sculpted muscles glistening with sweat in the light of the half-moon.  For nearly two years after it had happened, he'd seen it play in his mind over, and over again, until finally he could take it no longer.  He shut away all his memories of her, hoping to rid himself of the guilt as well.  Instead, he forgot all the things that had been so important in his life, and was consumed by his guilt, until he was left to dwell in the pit of his own darkness.

            With shaking limbs he climbed out of bed, ignoring the shiver that climbed up his spine as his bare feet touched the icy linoleum floor.  He stepped over to the window, not even feeling the bite of the cold as it closed in on his bare chest and ate away at the warmth he'd had from being curled up beneath his blanket.  He stared through thick glass and steel bars that covered the window, searching the realm beyond the prison he knew to be his own.  The sky, a deep black, ringed with navy blue at the edges, appeared to be completely clear of clouds, yet still, the small white flakes plummeted to the earth and sprinkled the dead, frozen grass below.  A single tear drifted down Squall Leonhart's cheek as he thought to himself how much he hated the snow… and how it was the snow, that turned him so cold.      

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            Rinoa pushed her way through the hall to the nurses' station and leaned tiredly on the counter.  "Mad rush today, huh?"

            Margaret looked at her and smiled over the top of her clipboard.  "You're telling me.  Everyone's in such a hurry to get out of here."

            "Will you be leaving for home today?" Rinoa asked politely.

            "Oh, no, definitely not.  Someone has to stay and look after the place, after all.  Of course, there will hardly be anyone left here to watch over."  She glanced at her clipboard.  "There are only ten patients left on this floor, and there are still people in line ready to go.  Most of the people cluttering the halls and trying to get their things together and catch the elevator.  There's only one, you know."

            Rinoa nodded.  "Can I see the list?"

            Margaret handed her the list.  Rinoa scanned over the remaining names until she struck upon one that was very familiar.  She quickly handed it back to her and turned to follow her employer as she made her way to the elevator with a suitcase in her hand.  "You couldn't have at least given him Christmas off?" she called to Quistis.

            Quistis turned around, a weary look in her eyes.  "You know as well as I that he has no one to go home to.  If I did check him out, he'd have to stick with me all week, and you know there is nothing he'd hate worse than that."

            Rinoa nodded as she watched Quistis step into the elevator.  "Hey, Quistis!" she called after a moment.

            "Yes?"

            "Have a nice holiday."

            Quistis smiled tiredly at the younger woman as the elevator doors slid closed.  "You, too."

            Rinoa was beginning to feel slightly out of place amongst the celebrating crowd when she felt a light tap on the shoulder.  She turned to see Isabella grinning behind her, with a tall, curly-haired blonde standing next to her.  "I'm glad I caught you before I left!" she exclaimed.  "Merry Christmas!  Hey, I'm thinking of dying my hair red and green for the occasion, what do you think?"

            She laughed at her friend's excitement.  "Stick with the purple."

            Shouting one last goodbye, her friend headed toward the elevator, asking her guardian for a match for her cigarettes.  Not but a few moments later, Zell went shooting by her in an attempt to catch Isabella before she left.  Rinoa shook her head as she watched it all happen, suddenly feeling very alone, and isolated within the crowd.  Was she the only one that didn't have someone?

            No, she decided.  She wasn't.  There was another very lonely person that would be left behind here as well.  Unfortunately for both, he wanted to be alone.  She thought briefly of visiting him, but instead headed for the cafeteria for lunch.  Her feelings were still slightly sore from their confrontation the day before.

            Inside the cafeteria, there were one or two clusters of patients sitting together and talking, and one in particular that sat off to himself.  Rinoa grabbed her tray and watched him from behind for a long moment, debating on whether or not she was feeling brave enough to face him again today.  Settling on the thought that being with anyone was better than being alone, she slowly made her way toward his table and sat down in front of him.

            "What do you want?" he growled, barely looking up from his food at her arrival.

            "Company," she replied.  "I thought maybe today you'd be in a better mood, what with Christmas coming up and all."

            "What's so exciting about that?" he asked as his eyes wandered over to the window.  

            She followed his gaze, a serene smile playing on her lips as watched the gentle descending on the snow.  "It's gorgeous, isn't it?  It seems so cold, and void of life, yet there's a strange, almost melancholy beauty about it.  An exquisite sadness, that seems to freeze time in its place."

            (Kind of like you) she added silently as she watched the blizzard of emotions in his glacial eyes.

            "I hate it," he finally said.

            She turned to him, surprised at the animosity in his voice.  "How could you hate something so wonderful… so beautiful?"

            "What's so beautiful about something so cold, something so deadly?"

            She studied him carefully, taking every feature into her memory as she spoke.  "I guess it has an appeal all it's own.  Something so cold, needs something to warm it, don't you think?"

            "No," he replied.  "I hate it.  Everything about it."

            A stray lock of hair fell in his face as he turned to stare at his food once more, and suddenly, she couldn't resist the urge to reach out and touch him.  Without thinking, she raised her hand to his face, pushing the hair from his eyes, as her icy fingers gently brushed the scar on his forehead.  She felt him shudder beneath her fingertips, and quickly withdrew her hand, heart pounding as she wondered what she'd just done.

            The screeching sound of tires and the feel of blood pouring over his face flashed through his mind, resurrecting the memory that had haunted his dreams that night.  "Don't touch me," he growled.  "Ever."

            "I-I'm sorry," she mumbled, feeling a mixture of fear and rejection swell in her throat.  "I didn't mean-"

            "I don't care what you meant to do, or what you didn't mean to do," he interrupted, his voice a soft, silky rumble that was even more frightening than his yell.  "Get away from me, now."

            She didn't dare speak another word, but instead just gathered her things and hurried away.  She dumped her unfinished meal in the garbage, never once looking back.  She wouldn't allow him to see the tears glistening in her eyes once more.  She had already forsaken her pride with the tears she'd shed in front of him before.  She refused to suffer the humiliation again.

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            He looked out at the endless sea of white below, mind still churning with thoughts.  A dull ache throbbed in his heart as he thought about the look on her face, the rejection in her eyes.  He really hadn't meant to snap at her the way he did, but the memories that resurfaced when she touch him that way was too much to handle.  Now he sat at his window anxiously, waiting for her to return.  

            Hours ago, as he gazed out the window again, he saw her walk through the gates to the parking lot outside.  She got in her car, which she had barely used in the months that she'd been working there, and drove away, down the ice-ridden road.  He felt himself tremble inside at that scene, fear rising within him that she would never come back…

            _"Why should you care?  She's nothing more than an annoyance."_

            He shook the voice away and ventured into the darkened corridor in search of the rec room.  He was thirsting to death, not having had the heart to finish his meal or his drink at lunch earlier, and he knew there was a vending machine in the rec center.  

            It was after dark, meaning he should have been in his room until morning, but with so few nurses still on duty he wasn't worried about it.  As he was passing the doorway that opened up into the main hall where the nurses' station was located, he heard a voice that made him stop in his tracks.

            "Yeah, I splurged on dinner tonight.  I used some of the money I've been saving since working here, and I really shouldn't have."

            The only nurse left on duty just laughed.  "It's only right to treat yourself to something on the holidays.  It's just a shame you hadn't anyone to accompany you.  Tomorrow evening, I'll probably-" she was cut short as the phone rang as she rush to answer it.  There was a long pause before she turned to Rinoa, and sighed.  "There's a problem, it seems.  So kind of technical difficulty on the ninth floor.  Some of the patients' doors have come open.  They're short on staff, and they want you to go up and see if you can't sedate any of the patients that might be lose."

            Rinoa was silent for a long moment, her heart thumping in fear, but slowly she began to remember a promise she'd made not long before.  "All right.  I guess I have no choice."

            "Just a moment, I'll get you some tranquilizer shots," the nurse replied before heading into the storage room.  She returned shortly with several loaded needles, which Rinoa slipped into her coat pocket before heading into the elevator.

            As the door closed, sealing away his view of her, Squall sunk back into the shadows, his worry for her only increasing.

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            Rinoa slid her I.D. card through the slot next to the keypad before punching the number nine button.  The elevator slowly lurched upward, making each moment feel like an eternity before the doors finally slid open with a small 'ding'.

            She stepped slowly out into the hallways, studying the dirt-stained, black-checkered flooring, as it was bathed in dim bluish light that shone in through the double barred windows.  The click of her heels echoed against the slick white walls, as if the entire floor were empty, and abandoned.  

            With shaking hands, she brought the note that Selphie had given her from her coat pocket and studied it in the light so that she could see the name and room number written on the front.  It was addressed to an Irvine Kinnease, room A6.

            She glanced around until she saw a small plastic sign on the wall marking the letter of the hallway, and the room numbers on it.  The sign was cracked, barely hanging on to the wall with something like red marker spelling out all sorts of rude sayings.  It looked more like a sign in a high school bathroom than in a mental asylum.  

            She slowly began walking again, searching for the proper room number.  The shadows drifted in and out around her, like dancing little demons that reached out for her, hoping to draw her into their darkness.  A thundering crash sounded from the wall on her left, causing her to jump and stumble back, nearly loosing balance and falling to the floor.  Somewhere down the hall, a demented scream sounded, and bloodied fingers poked through the tiny bars at the top of the door, desperately clawing at the solid metal and reaching out to the world beyond.  It was like something out of a horror movie, but she found little comfort in that thought.  Unlike a movie, all of this was real.

            An ear-splitting screech shattered the eerie silence, as a door swung open in front of her, and banged against the wall.  She stopped in her tracks, a sickening, cold feeling spilling through her limbs.  She turned on her heels and hurried back the way she came, but she didn't make it very far.  A hand clamped over her mouth, and strong arms drug her back into the open room.  As she was thrown to the floor she heard the door slamming shut, and then a pair of heavy footsteps quickly approaching her.

            Not daring to open her eyes, Rinoa scrambled away from the sound until she felt the wall behind her.  She crushed her back into the wall, as if attempting to hide in the corner of the room, and reached for her tranquilizer with wildly trembling hands.  

            "No, no, no," a deep, dark voice murmured as it closed in on her.  "I don't think you want to do that."

            A whimper escaped her throat as the needle was roughly torn from her hands and stabbed into the soiled padding on the wall beside her head.

            "Look at me!" he commanded, and she was too scared to do anything but comply.

            She allowed her eyes to crack open, and stared up at her attacker.  He was a tall, and broad shouldered, with long, unkempt hair tangled around his head.  His eyes glistened dangerously in the faint light of the room.  He bent down and grabbed her small wrists roughly in his calloused hands and jerked her up from the wall.  She pulled with all her strength, hoping to get at least one hand free to grab another tranquilizer, but this only made his hold on her tighten painfully.

            "Sorry, sweetheart, but I want you fully awake for this."

            Another anguished cry escaped her lips as he roughly began to grab at her.  She squeezed her eyes shut, sobbing, when suddenly the grip on her wrists loosened.  Opening her eyes, she found her attacker laid out on the floor.  Without questioning, she pulled another loaded needle from her pocket and stabbed into his arm.

            Tremulously, she began to fall back into the wall, her strength leaving her, but another strong pair of hands grabbed her by the shoulders, this time much more gently, and steadied her.  She lifted her tear-stained face, studying with fearful eyes her new enemy.  Her eyes were met with a familiar pair of icy blue ones.

            "S-Squall…" she stammered.  "What are you doing here?"

            "Never mind that now," he replied, gently taking her by the hand and starting to lead her out of the room.  He paused as he felt another pair of eyes upon him, and looked down to see the demented man glaring at him.  Squall kicked him in the face before pulling Rinoa out the door again.  

            Once they were in the safety of the elevator again, Rinoa collapsed into the wall and turned her head to look at her hero.  "How did you ever get up here?  How did you know I was up here?"

            He jerked his thumb at the keypad on the wall, which was barely hanging on by a few wires.  "Just a simple rewiring job.  Basic stuff, really.  I overhead the nurse asking you to go up there."

            Rinoa laughed, relief still thick in her voice.  "Yeah, that stuff must be easy for you.  What were you doing out of you room at a time like that, anyway?  Oh, never mind.  It doesn't matter.  What matters is that you were there.  I… I don't know how to repay you."

            Squall had his head leaned back and his eyes closed while she spoke.  He could feel himself slipping away, into that ever-present daydream at the back of his mind.  Ever since that day in Rinoa's office, he had made sure never to let go of reality in her presence again, but he just couldn't help it this time.  He opened his eyes and pushed himself up from the wall, coming to stand before her.

            Her breath caught in her throat, as he came close enough to her that she could feel his breath on her lips.  Part of her was afraid, and part of her was hopeful.  Afraid that he would do something unexpected, as was typical for him, hopeful that he would do what he appeared to be doing.  

He placed a hand beneath her chin, lifting her face up to his.  Slowly, at an excruciatingly slow pace to her, he brushed his lips across hers, before pressing them more firmly down.  His lips moved softly against hers, teasing her with the gentle sensations, making her long for something more.

He slowly broke away from her, whispering, "Now we're even," before backing away and leaning against the wall in the same place he was before.  He took several, deep, even breath and closed his eyes once more before coming back to reality and saying, in his normal, heartless tone, "Don't worry about it.  I just did it so I wouldn't have to have Quistis as my doctor again."

Before she could question his words or his actions, the elevator opened, and he stepped out, leaving her in a dazed awe behind him.  She stuck her head out of the elevator for a brief moment turning to the nurse who was watching Squall walk down the hallway with a perplexed look on her face.  "Tell the people upstairs I sedated the patient I found.  I'm off to bed now," Rinoa murmured before turning back into the elevator and pushing the button for the ninth floor.  As the doors closed, as she was left to herself, she gently touched her lips with her fingertips, and sighed dreamily.

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A/N:  Hmmm, looks like Squall had a momentary lapse of reality.  I just know I've pissed someone off with this.  Oh well!  Next chapter:  Rinoa does the unthinkable, at least in a certain someone's eyes, and Squall finally gets some closure on an issue that's haunted him for years.  


	12. Chapter XI: Goodbye

                                                                Chapter 11

I don't hear a sound

Silent faces in the ground

The quiet screams, but I refuse to listen

If there is a hell

I'm sure this is how it smells

Wish this were a dream, but no, it isn't

Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain

I walk in the rain, in the rain

Why do I feel so alone

For some reason, I think of home

                                    ~ Mai Yamane _Rain_

            Wind blew with untamed ferocity, rattling the bare branches of the trees as the sun was slowly devoured by the horizon.  Patches of glistening snow covered the frozen earth, fresh footprints in the icy white powder telling of a recent visitor to the desolate wasteland that had long since been forgotten by the living.

            Grey, stone slabs poked up from the hardened soil in neat, orderly rows, collectively casting a monstrous shadow over the hill upon which they sat.  Fingers gently traced the engraved letters, the granite burning with a frosty bite.  

            "Only a few years… seems like an eternity.  All this time that I suffered, was it really all in vain?  Was I wrong, for feeling that I was wrong?  Am I wrong, for even being here at all now?"

            The wind picked up again with a faint howl, scattering blood red petals over the blank white expanse of snow.  

            "Life has been like some kind of distant dream.  These past few years have drifted away, into nothingness.  There's nothing of it in my memory, because none of it was worth remembering.  I just wanted to waste away.  Now, my mind is flooding with all these memories, and I can't hold them back.  Can you tell me… why I can't keep her out anymore?  Could it be, that I'm finally awaking from my dream….?"

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  

            Rinoa lay sprawled across the over-stuffed couch in the rec room, watching the silent images flicker across a dusty television screen.  Her bare feet pushed against one arm of the sofa, while her shoulder blades rested on the other, allowing her head to dangle off the other end.  It was the only position she hadn't grown bored of yet.

            Two days had pasted since the incident in the elevator, and they hadn't spoken to each other since.  He was being his usual distant self, and she knew she couldn't face him without bringing up their kiss.  Her problem was, that she had no idea how to approach him about it.  So, she had avoided him, and had driven herself into boredom at the same time.  There was nothing to do now, except watch cliché soap operas on mute, and contemplate all the unanswered questions of her life.  

            "It's official," Rinoa murmured to herself.  "I've hit a new low in life."

            She closed her eyes, and distantly wondered about her future.  She had been at the Angel Haven mental asylum for nearly six months.  Soon, she would go from being an intern, to a full-fledged doctor.  But what then?  She had decided she would stay there at the asylum for as long as she was needed, but after that?  She had always dreamed of her own little practice in the city, with a nice apartment and a small family.  A loving, supportive husband with a nice job, a child or two, and maybe even a dog.  These were the things she'd always wanted out of life.  But was she still the same person now, as she was then?

            A swift rapping on the door sent her spiraling from her reverie.  Margaret poked her head in the door shortly afterward, and said in a cautious voice, "Ms. Heartilly?  I'm sorry to disturb you, I was just wondering if you were alright?"

            Rinoa sat up and cracked her stiff neck.  "Yes, Margaret, thank you."

            After the older woman had left, Rinoa stood from the couch with a frown, deciding that it had long since been time for her to stand up.  Slipping on her shoes, and wrapping her arms around herself to keep out the cold, she left the rec room behind, hurrying off to the elevator with her eyes trained on the floor.

            One would think that by now she'd have learned her lesson about walking blindly down the long blank corridors of the fifth floor.  But the lesson apparently escaped her, as she narrowly missed colliding into a patient again.  As she looked up to see who had almost knocked her down, she cursed her bad karma and forced a smile.

            "Sorry," she muttered, attempting to bypass.  She was startled when she felt a hand firmly wrap around her wrist.

            "That's no way to apologize."

            Rinoa tried to ignore the heat in her cheeks, as she glanced up and was met with the eyes of the person she'd been avoiding for days.  Something about the distant glimmer in those eyes, the indecipherable shadow that had fallen over his gaze, made her forget very quickly about her own problems with him.  "Is something wrong?"

            He stared down at her, something between a perplexed and pained look twisting his features.  He said nothing more, but instead began to walk away, drifting aimlessly down the hallway as if nothing at all had transpired between them.  

            Rinoa quickly chased after him, calling out his name in a futile attempt to get his attention.  Finally, getting frustrated with his unusual behavior, she planted herself directly in his path and grabbed him by both shoulders.  "What the hell's your problem?!"

            With a low growl he knocked her away from him, nearly sending her crashing to the floor.  His angered look softened slightly as he noticed the shocked look on her face.  While he'd almost always been rude, he'd never been violent with her.  "Sorry," he mumbled.  "I just don't wanna talk about it."

            "Too bad," she replied softly.  "You're going to tell me, even if I have to spend the rest of the day weaseling it out of you.  So, why don't you make this easy on both of us, and just tell me what's wrong."

            He leaned against the wall, sighing deeply as he covered his face with his hands.  "Why do you always have to go meddling in things that don't concern you?"

            "Well, for one thing, it's my job.  But more importantly, because I care about you."

            "Well you shouldn't!" he snapped.

            "Why not?"

            "Because… because it makes things harder for me."

            "That's kind of selfish don't you think?  Just tell me what's wrong.  Maybe I can help you," she said, her voiced hushed to a soothing whisper.  She gently took his hand and led him back into the rec room, where they would have privacy.  She pushed him down onto the couch and shut off the TV before sitting down herself.  "So?"

            Squall gave a disgusted sigh and turned from her.  "If you must know," he began angrily, "Today's… today's the day that… my sister…"

            "Squall…" Rinoa interrupted gently.  She could see the pain growing in his eyes with every word, and couldn't bear to let him continue.  "You're still blaming yourself, aren't you?"

            He crossed his arms over his chest.  "I have at least another few days before I get dragged back into therapy with you."

            "You're avoiding the question."

            "I don't need this shit!" he yelled, standing quickly and charging for the door.  "I don't know why the hell I bother with you!  Things would be so much easier for me if you would just stay the hell out of my business!"

            She stood up and stared after him.  "Nothing will ever be resolved this way.  If you'd just talk to me-"

            "Enough!  I'm tired of hearing this from you!  I'm tired of you, period!  The past few months you've been nothing but a pain in the ass, and I'm not putting up with it anymore!"

            The room fell silently for a moment, the air still ringing slightly with angry roars.  Rinoa's expression twisted into something hurt, and angry, and bitter, as she marched up to the fuming man and calmly slapped him across the face.  "A pain in the ass, huh?" she repeated in a low whisper, a stark contrast from his voice a moment ago.  "Maybe so.  Maybe, I should have just given up on you a long time ago.  I don't know what ever made me think-" her voice broke off painfully for a moment, but then she continued with a renewed resolve.  "I don't care what problems you have with me!  That isn't why I'm here.  Yelling and raging every time somebody strikes a nerve doesn't do anything but push the world further away from you.  I don't understand why you blame yourself for what happened.  Does it make it easier for you to except the fact that she's gone?  Are you scared to admit that it was just her time because then you'd have to admit that your life is not entirely in your hands?  Tell me.  Enlighten me.  Why?"

            He couldn't answer for a very long moment.  An overwhelming mixture of despair, guilt, and shame was swelling within him, and for once, he just couldn't detach himself from it.

            "I'm sorry," he murmured.  

            She grabbed both of his shoulders again, bringing his eyes to hers.  The deep chocolate orbs glittered with unshed tears and powerful determination.  "Don't tell me you're sorry.  Your words are empty.  No matter how many times you apologize, you always end up doing it again!  Just tell me why!  You owe me at least that much."

            It hit him with chilling intensity, then, that she was right.  He truly was sorry; he really did feel remorse for his actions.  So why did he continue to act the way he did?  Why did he keep lashing out with hollow anger at the innocent people around him?  "I don't know why," he finally admitted.  "I don't know anything about myself anymore."

            Rinoa gave a deep sigh as she slowly opened the door to the hallway.  "Then you'll just have to make an effort to learn."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

            The endless patterns etched into the blank ceiling had never been the most fascinating thing, but there was really nothing else to do but stare silently at the top of his prison.  He was just drifting off into a restless sleep when he felt something bump his bed.  He opened his eyes into narrow slits and stared up at the intruder.

            Rinoa crossed her arms over her chest, the keys in her hands jingling slightly as she moved.  "Come on, get up," she urged.  "We don't have much time."

            Squall rubbed the sleep from his eyes, but made no move to stand.  "What do you mean?"

            Rinoa flung open the door to his closet and dug out a coat before tossing it to him.  "Put that on, it's cold out there."

            "What the hell are you talking about?" Squall demanded as he stood up and slid the coat over his shoulders.

            She grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the room wordlessly.  The nurses' station was mostly deserted, so getting to the elevator was easy, but she still seemed cautious.  When the doors slid closed, she let out a relieved sigh.  "Well, that went fine, now we just gotta get out of the lobby."

            "Where the hell are you taking me?" Squall asked again.

            "You'll see," was the only answer she provided.  

            Luckily, the receptionist at the lobby desk also seemed to be off duty, as well as the guard at the gate.  Rinoa led Squall out to the parking lot, and motioned for him to get in the passenger side.  The ride was passed in silence.  Rinoa dared not speak, or she would release the anxiety she felt about taking him out of the asylum without permission.  She didn't ask, of course, because she knew they wouldn't let her.  

            Squall decided that it was better not to question Rinoa's strange actions.  She apparently had some plan up her sleeve that would reveal itself it time.  Still, the curiosity was killing him, especially when she stopped for a few moments at a small florist shop and came out with a bouquet of roses.  She tossed them into his lap, and started off again, still saying nothing.

            Finally, as she pulled off the main road and on to a narrow dirt path that ran alongside an open field, she said, "I did some research earlier.  It wasn't easy, but…" her voice trailed off softly as perfectly-shaped gray stones began to dot the empty fields next to them.  She slowed the car, steering off the road and coming to a stop in the grass beside the path.  "I found where your sister was buried," she finished at last, slowly opening the door and stepping out.

            With his usual blank expression, he grasped the flowers tightly in his hands, following her through widely spaced rows of gravestones, until she finally stopped in front of one in particular, and turned to look at him.  "You never got to say goodbye to her.  You never got closure.  So, this is your chance… I want you to really think about what your life's been since she died.  Think about how she would feel, if she knew how you lived your life now, because of what happened in the past."

            With that, she turned and headed to an old willow tree up the hill, leaving him alone to face his own ghost as well as his sister's.  For a long time, he couldn't say anything at all.  Words burned paths through his brain and caught uselessly at the back of his throat, choking him on his own emotions.  He laid the rose bouquet at the foot of the headstone and sighed.  What did Rinoa expect to come of this?

            "This is hard," he mumbled to himself, feeling tempted to stand and leave.  "Too hard."

            "_Since when have you been a quitter?"_

The voice echoed through his brain, bringing the world around him to a complete stop.

            "_Haven't I told you before how you can't just walk away from things?  No matter how far you run, your problems will always follow.  Hey, are you even listening to me?"_

_            He rolled his eyes.  "No."_

_            She put her hands on her hips and sighed.  "Well, if you ever want to get rid of that bully at school, you're gonna have to just face him.  Got it? It you keep running away, it'll make him even more determined to get you."_

_            She looked down at the little boy in front of her, her loving gaze settling on the pair of blue eyes that peeked out at her through locks of messy brown hair and a ring of purplish skin.  "I don't want you to get hurt.  But sometimes, you have to stand your ground, or you'll never find true happiness."  Her lecturing tone was interrupted by a giggle.  "Besides, if all else fails, I'll teach that bully a thing or two myself!"_

Her joyful voice faded away, leaving a delightful ringing in his mind.  Odd how a distant memory could still hold such meaning after so long.  In fact, he hadn't remembered anything of her at all in a long time.  He locked away all his memories of her in hopes of riding himself of the pain.  Instead, he lost all the things that made him happy in life, and was left with the feeling of guilt that haunted him every second of the day.

            (I tried to run away from my problem) he thought to himself.  (But it still follows me after all this time…) he laughed bitterly to himself as he allowed his fingers to trace the engraved name that conjured up a whirlwind of turmoil in his soul.  (I guess you were right after all… after these few years between us… your words can never die.)

            Suddenly, he found his voice, the words leaving his lips of their own accord.  "Only a few years… seems like an eternity.  All this time that I suffered, was it really all in vain?  Was I wrong, for feeling that I was wrong?  Am I wrong, for even being here at all now?"

            He shivered beneath the onslaught of the wind, but it was more than just the frosty air that made him tremble.  Images of a life long since lost flashed past his mind's eye, as if that one memory had opened the floodgate.

            "Life has been like some kind of distant dream.  These past few years have drifted away, into nothingness.  There's nothing of it in my memory, because none of it was worth remembering.  I just wanted to waste away.  Now, my mind is flooding with all these memories, and I can't hold them back."

            (So what happens now?  Do I face my own guilt?  What will happen… what will life be like?  Could I actually be happy like _she _always says?)

            He shook his head, realizing that even at this time, he thought of her.  

  "Can you tell me… why I can't keep her out anymore?" he asked of his sister's memory.  "Could it be, that I'm finally awaking from my dream?  That I'm finally going to live again…?"

            The ride back to the asylum was spent in silence.  Squall stared out at the scenery as it flashed by, too deep in thought to really see anything.  Rinoa was dying of curiosity.  Obviously, something must have happened, as he seemed to be contemplating things so hard.  Still, she was afraid to ask.

            Upon returning, Rinoa left Squall to his own mind, heading off to the cafeteria for a late meal.  He retired to his room for the rest of the night.  

            When Rinoa awoke the next morning, she found herself staring into a pair of cold blue eyes, but they were not the same ones that entranced her every time she thought of them.  No, this pair made her heart slam into her chest, and her stomach twist into knots at the disapproving look within them.  

            "Get dressed," the stern voice said.  "Then you will come to my office.  We've much to discuss."

            Rinoa grudgingly dressed herself, and took the elevator down, a feeling of unease tightening in her throat.  Quistis shouldn't have come back already.  But the fact that she had, was a flashing neon sign that things had gone horribly, horribly wrong.  She steeled herself, then turned the knob and entered the infamous room, taking a seat before the desk.

            "I was helping to prepare food for a New Year's Eve party at my friends house last night, when I received a call on my cell phone.  Most of the nurses and guards had left their post for the evening, since there was hardly anyone here.  The security cameras never take a moment off, however.  The head nurse on the night shift took a look through it.  It's usually Mr. Kramer's job to review the tapes, but he too, is on vacation.  As soon as she saw the video from two nights ago, in which Mr. Leonhart took the elevator up, and both of you came down at the same time, she called me, and told me.  By the time I got here, she was nearly speechless with shock.  Shock that you had actually taken a patient off the premises without permission."

            "It's not what you think!"  Rinoa began to protest.  "It was just that-"

            "I don't give a damn what it was!" Quistis replied, for the first time raising her voice.  "You had taken far too many liberties with him as it was, but this more than crosses the line.  The day that you came in here and suggested you two do one on one therapy, I should've put my foot down.  The day Mr. Kramer informed me that the latest tape in his office revealed the two of you in here alone, and embracing, I should've fired you!"

            Rinoa's cheeks reddened at the mention of that incident, but she refused to stay silent.  "You don't understand!  It wasn't like that at all!"

            "Bull shit!  Ever since you came here you've done nothing but break the rules and cause problems for everyone.  You took our simple little operations here and turned it into something chaotic!"

            "I haven't done anything wrong!" Rinoa cried back.  "I did what I thought I needed to do to help these people!  Human lives aren't written in black and white.  When are you gonna realize that?!"

            "I realize that perfectly well, but getting close to the patients like that is strictly forbidden!  You don't know what could happen!"

            "All these people need is a friend.  Someone who doesn't listen to them just because they're paid to.  Someone who doesn't fake sympathy for the sake of their jobs.  How are we ever supposed to help these people heal by isolating them?!  Besides, you were in a personal relationship with-" Rinoa stopped all of a sudden and glared back at Quistis with a tiny smirk on her face.  "I see now.  You're jealous, aren't you?  You're jealous because Squall would never let you get that close."

            She knew she'd said the wrong thing as soon as the words had escaped her lips.  Not only did it ruin any chance she had of keeping her job, but it was spiteful of her as well.  She knew it was a sensitive subject for Quistis, and as much as she disliked the woman, she didn't want to hurt her in such a way.  Still, what was done in the heat of the moment could not be recalled, and the flash of her hurt in her eyes, quickly masked by rage, told her that there would be no mercy.

            "I'm sorry," she murmured, praying her sincerity would show through.  "I shouldn't have… I didn't mean to-"

            "Gather your things, Ms. Heartilly," Quistis spoke with renewed calm as she sat back down in her chair.  "I want you gone from here by tomorrow morning."

            As dinner came and went without any sign of the raven-haired woman that plagued his mind, he began to worry.  She was never a very prompt person, but it wasn't like her to skip dinner all together.  It actually seemed kind of strange to have a meal pass without her cheerful face across from him.

            He left the cafeteria early, walking aimlessly through the halls as he wondered where she was, and what he would say to her, once he found her.  As he was passing by the open door of the rec room once more, a slight sniffling caught his attention.  He poked his head in the door, searching the mostly darkened room until his eyes landed on a dark-haired woman, sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest.

            "Rinoa?" he asked, stepping into the room until he was standing next to the ancient sofa where she sat.

            She looked up at him for a brief moment, before looking away again, but he didn't miss her red puffy eyes, and tear-stained cheeks.  "What happened?  What did I do this time?"

            She couldn't help but laugh slightly.  "It's not your fault, for once.  It's mine.  I shouldn't have been so careless."

            "What do you mean?"

            She was silent for a long moment, choosing her words carefully.  "They fired me."

            He sucked in a deep breath.  "Fired you?  That means… you won't be coming back…  It was my fault, wasn't it?  It's because you tried to help me."

            She stood up quickly, gently placing a hand on his face.  "No, it's not your fault at all!  I did some things I shouldn't have, and now I just have to face the consequences.  This has nothing to do with you."  He didn't look convinced at all.  She sighed and allowed her hand to fall to her side.  "Look, there's no use arguing over it now.  I have to leave in the morning, and I don't want it to end that way."

            "End…" he repeated to himself, as he felt a sharp pain in his chest at the meaning.  "But… you can't.  I was just… I was finally starting to move in the right direction."

            Her tears swelled once more, until they over flowed.  "I'm sorry!  I should've been more careful!  I've ruined everything for you, haven't I?"

            He shook his head.  "No, if you had never broken the rules for me like you did… I doubt I would've made any progress at all."

            She wiped furiously at her tears.  "Yeah, maybe so.  It's getting near curfew now.  I'd hate for you to get in trouble to."

            He rubbed his neck, a sign of nervousness that she'd come to recognize.  "Alright, but… Will you stay with me for awhile?"

A/N:  Well…. I had a lot of fun writing this, and it's been such a wonderful experience and… Oh yeah, we're only halfway through it, huh?  Well, next chapter, we join Rinoa back in the present to attend a funeral, and reflect on the past.     

                 


	13. Chapter XII: Divine Retribution

A/N:  You might need to refer back to the prologue, as this chapter picks up right where it left off.

                                                                        Chapter 12

In the present… 

            _"So tell me.  Did I really make a difference here?"_

Her limbs trembled slightly, her fists tightening on the paper she gripped in her hands until it began to crumple at the edges.  "He… he couldn't have.  He was never the type to do such a thing!"

            Xu shrugged.  "You knew him, huh?  Well, the evidence against him is damning.  He killed his therapist, a doctor," she paused long enough to scan the paper for information, "Dr. Quistis Trepe.  Stabbed her ten times with a knife.  I'm afraid there's no denying it, his fingerprints were found all over the murder weapon."

            _"Of course you did.  Whether I want to admit it or not… you changed me.  For the better."_

"No…" Rinoa whispered to herself.  "He said I changed him."  Tears slowly spilled down her pale cheeks and she leaned against the wall for support.  "I thought I'd done something, that I'd made a difference in him!  How could this… how could he…?"

            "You worked with Dr. Trepe, didn't you?" Xu asked gently.  Rinoa could only nod her reply. "Well, her funeral is tomorrow, if you want to go.  Maybe it will help you… deal with things."

            _"So you won't forget me?  And everything I've told you?"_

_            "No, never.  I promise."_

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

            _"Alright, but… Will you stay with me for a while?"_

_            She swallowed hard, her heart pounding wildly in her chest.  These were the kinds of moments she'd secretly dreamed of, the fleeting instances when his voice was quiet and kind, and his eyes were soft and desperate.  "I'm not sure… I mean, I've caused enough damage."_

_            "You can't just leave like this, though.  You can't just walk away forever without really saying goodbye."_

_            Rinoa bit her lips slightly.  (It's probably the last time I'll ever see him… what could it hurt?)_

_            "Okay," she answered softly, offering her hand.  _

_            He stared at her hand for a moment, fear evident in his eyes before he finally reached for her.  Hand in hand, he guided her through the darkened halls until he reached an all too familiar door.  Silently, he rejoiced in the fact that Zell was still away on vacation, as he opened the door slowly and led her inside._

_            There was no lamp in the room, and turning on the overhead light would catch the attention of any nurses roaming the halls.  Instead, he led her over to the window, where bright, silver rays of light spilled in from the full moon above.  He reluctantly let her hand slip from his and she smiled up at him, tears glinting in her eyes._

_            "You're certainly acting a lot different than usual," she said with a tone of light humor._

_            "Well, I guess… you're leaving changes everything," he answered, looking away from her._

_            "You can't lose hope because of this.  There are still other doctors here."_

_            "But they're not like you," he replied, almost inaudibly.  "They don't really care what happens to me, or anyone else here.  Everything is black and white to them.  You went out of your way for me… even when I practically slapped you in the face for it."_

_            She wanted to pull him into her arms; wanted so bad just to reach out and touch him, but fear stopped her from doing so.  Even as different as he seemed at the moment, she doubted that he would allow her that freedom._

_            "So, tell me.   Did I really make a difference here?"_

_            He looked at her again, with those eyes that made her tremble.  Normally, they were cold, and expressionless, but now they held a deep sadness, and the simple fact that it was all for her brought tears to her eyes._

_            "Of course you did.  Whether I want to admit it or not…" his voice trailed off for a moment, his eyes searching the heavens above for the words to continue on.  "You changed me.  For the better."  _

_            "No matter what happens… I'm glad to at least have had that opportunity."_

_            "What will you do after this?" he asked._

_            She shrugged, seating herself casually on his bed.  "I don't know who will want to hire me after this, but… You know, I haven't thought about it at all until now.  When I first went into this job, I thought I'd stay here for a year or two, then open up my own office in the city.  It was the perfect dream for me, to come home from helping people all day to a nice, peaceful little family.  My own little piece of golden paradise.  Suddenly, that dream doesn't seem so bright anymore.  I… I would give anything just to stay here."  She looked up at him, her cheeks flushed and her lips curled into a longing smile.  "You're the only one I've ever talked to about this," she admitted. _

_            He crossed his arms over his chest, fighting a whirlwind of conflicting emotions within.  Part of him wanted her to leave him there, in the dark sanctuary of his room where he could hide away from the world and all its injustices.  Another part of him was thrilled at the fact that she was there with him, honoring him with her own secret hopes and dreams, sharing hidden parts of her soul without hesitation.  It was the gift of a true human connection, something he hadn't had since that fateful night on an ice-ridden road._

_            "So, what was your dream for the future?" _

_            He drew in a deep breath to keep himself from snapping at her.  After all, that was his natural reaction when anyone tried to pry into his life.  But she wasn't just anyone.  She shared a part of herself with him, and the best way he could express his gratitude was to return the favor.  "I'd always wanted to be an artist, or a writer, or something.  I'm not any good at it, though."_

_            "You know," she whispered faintly, "You never did show me your drawings."_

_            She could see him start to tense at her words, and for a moment, she wished she'd never said it at all.  He turned away from the window, and she felt a pain shoot through her chest, thinking that he was going to leave her there, without so much as another word.  Instead, he went to the dresser and pulled open the top drawer.  He returned moments later with a beaten and worn sketch book in his hands.  Wordlessly he placed it in her hands and stepped back, frowning as he watched her gingerly flip back the front cover.  This was yet another piece of himself he was revealing, and he hated the vulnerable feeling that came with it. _

_            Her smile widened unknowingly, as she flipped through the skilled sketches of the distant skyline that loomed on the horizon, and of colorful sunsets taken from the sky and etched into eternity on the formerly blank piece of paper.  The last drawing she came across, colorless, but still filled with life, made her gasp.  "It's… me."_

_            Squall's blush deepened, though it was hard to tell in the pale moonlight, and he rubbed at the back of his neck again.  "It's… no big deal."_

_            "It's amazing.  It looks just like me.  When did you do this?"_

_            "The other day… outside.  You were mad at me, and had walked away.  I don't know why I drew it, I just did."_

_            "I'm flattered to be worthy of your artistic skill," she said, a note of true joy in her voice.  "Can I… keep it?"_

_            He shrugged.  "If you want."_

_            "Thanks," she replied, gently tearing it out of the notebook.  "Could you sign it for me too?"_

_            He seemed about to protest, but once again he kept silent, and signed the bottom of the paper with his pencil.  "I guess now, at least, you'll have this to remember me by."_

_            "What about me?" she asked.  "You don't have anything to remember me by."_

_            He shook his head.  "I don't need anything to remember you."_

_            "So you won't forget me?" she questioned.  "And everything I've told you?"_

_            He sat down next to her on his bed, feeling those familiar urges begin to tug at his control once more.  "No, never.  I promise."_

_            She drew in a shaky breath as he leaned closer to her, her chest tightening in anticipation.  Yes, this was her new dream, the one thing that she longed for with her entire being, other than staying with him.  In her mind she couldn't believe his words and actions, but her heart, as well as her body, cried in happiness._

_            His lips gently caressed hers, coaxing a satisfied sigh from her mouth.  He took the opportunity immediately, and deepened their kiss, his tongue dancing playfully with hers.  She couldn't help but moan as she felt a delightful heat spreading through her body.  Her trembling limbs slowly lifted until they circled his neck, and she clung to him, feeling hopelessly weak.  Nothing had ever felt that way before._

_            He pulled away from her unwillingly, gasping for air as he stared into her eyes.  A shudder rocked his body as she whispered his name, and he slowly backed away from her.  "Leave," he breathed in a husky voice._

_            "What?  But why?"_

_            "Just go," he replied in a tone reflecting pain.  "Please.  Go!"_

_            Casting one last tearful look in his direction, she picked up his drawing of her and ran from the room, sorrow and confusion quickly draining away her energy._

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

            Rinoa bit deeply into her bottom lip as she stared down at the drawing in her hand.  It seemed like an eternity had passed since then.  Still, she remembered everything as clearly as if it had happened that very day.  She had gone back to her room and cried, her heart too distressed from all the different emotions to hold out anymore.  She'd gotten up early the next morning and packed her bags before making her way into the lobby, where Quistis stood waiting for her.  After having a night to think about it, the older woman had decided she could at least write her a recommendation.  Rinoa took the news with a grateful nod, and a forced smile.  Squall was nowhere to be seen.

            Placing the drawing carefully back in the drawer of her desk, she stood from the chair and straightened the plain black dress that she wore.  "Squall," she murmured to herself.  "Is this really the path that you've chosen?"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

            The gray sky stretched on endlessly, creating the perfect atmosphere for an occasion such as this.  Rows upon rows of people adorned in black stood at attention, facing a small wooden casket at the front.  Cold gray stones jutted up from the green earth, marking the presence of lives long since forgotten.  On the other side, a tall brick church rose from the ground, the steeple reaching forth into the heavens.  Lingering near the wrought iron gates that enclosed the holy ground, a lone woman stood with her arms crossed protectively over her chest.  She felt she had no place there, but she had come anyway, out of respect.

            "Rinoa?"

            Rinoa picked her head up from its intent study of the ground to search for the source of the voice.  Her eyes landed on a smiling young woman, with short blue hair framing her face.  "Isabella!"

            "Rinoa, it's been such a long time!" Isabella said as she rushed up and embraced her friend, before pausing to take a look at their surroundings.  "Come on. This really isn't the place for cheerful reunions."

            The two entered the church and seated themselves somewhere in the middle of the completely empty chapel.

            "It's so great to see you again!" Isabella exclaimed, barely stopping herself from hugging her friend once more.  "I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again."

            Rinoa nodded.  "Yeah, I'm sorry I never called or anything.  I was just so upset for such a long time…" Rinoa allowed her voice to trail off, before gently tugging a strand of her hair.  "You changed the color."

            Isabella laughed.  "Yeah, it was time for a change.  But my hair's not all that's changed," the younger girl broke into a grin.  "I've been released from the asylum!"

            Rinoa laughed, feeling a wave of true happiness for her friend.  "That's great!  What about Zell?"

            "He'll be getting out soon.  When he does, I'm planning on getting an apartment near his house.  That way we'll still be able to see each other a lot.  We've gotten a lot closer, you know, and because of that, Zell's gotten a lot better.  He talks to me more than he does Chester now.  So, how's your life been?"

            The smile on Rinoa's face slowly faded, and she looked away.  With a shaky sigh, she allowed her eyes to flutter closed, and two crystal tears slowly dripped down her cheeks.

            "What's wrong?" Isabella questioned, brows furrowed in concern.

            "It's nothing like I wanted," she replied quietly.  "I wanted my own office… but that takes money, lots of it.  I didn't even know where to begin.  There was already an abundance of them in this city, anyway.  I had to settle for a job as a criminal profiler.  I always wanted to help people with my job, but everything I do just seems so useless now.  I hate it.  And then… then there's this," Rinoa finished, her voice cracking at the end.  She held up her left hand and revealed a sparkling diamond on her ring finger.

            "You're engaged?!"  Isabella nearly yelled, jerking Rinoa's hand closer to her face so she could study the ring.  "But Rinoa, that's great!  Isn't it?"

            Rinoa's body shook with silent sobs, and more tears fell.  "No!  I mean… I like him, otherwise I never would have agreed to it, but… every time he goes to hug me, or whenever he tries to kiss me, I keep seeing someone else."

            "Then why are you with this other guy, if you're obviously in love with someone else?"

            "Because I'll never see him again!" Rinoa cried.  

            Isabella's eyes widened in realization.  "Oh, Rinoa…" she wrapped her arms around the raven-haired girl in a comforting embrace.

            "Do you think he really did it?" 

            "I honestly can't say.  I was in the lobby checking out the morning they discovered Quistis' body.  I thought things seemed kinda weird that morning, but I had no clue why.  It wasn't until Zell called me later and told that I found out.  I didn't know him personally, but… Squall never seemed the murdering type.  But the evidence against him is hard to argue.  And…"

            "And what?" Rinoa pressed.

            "After you left, he stopped talking as much again.  Quistis put him back in group therapy, but that, as you already know, was a useless effort.  He didn't know that it was Quistis that fired you, though."

            Rinoa nodded.  "I left that part out on purpose, last time I talked to him."

            "Well, he found out eventually.  It was inevitable, I suppose.  After that, he literally went mute.  He wouldn't acknowledge anyone, much less talk to them.  Quistis tried, but he wouldn't look at her, no matter what she said or did.  So, she gave up, let him do his own thing.  It had been that way for months when this happened, all of a sudden."

            "Mute…"

            Isabella nodded.  "Yeah, in fact, the last time I personally ever heard him talk, was right after I got back from vacation.  He walked up to me with this look in his eyes… I can't describe it, but it was heart breaking.  He said 'Rinoa was fired.  She won't be coming back'.  Then he just walked away." 

            Rinoa felt fresh tears swell in her eyes.  "It was bad enough that I had to be miserable because of this, but him too?  I don't know what to do. It's too much to think about.  Too much to take…  I somehow feel guilty for Quistis' death now…"

            "Don't.  After all, she was the one that fired you."  Isabella couldn't help but chuckle slightly.  "I know it's not right to speak ill of the dead, but still… it's like some kind of divine retribution, isn't it?"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

            Rinoa took her hair down and shook it out as she traveled down the desolate hall to her office.  She'd had the day off because of the funeral, and moreover, it had long since been after hours.  She should have been heading for home, but just wasn't in the mood for it.  She just couldn't stand being there in that mostly empty apartment, surrounded by pictures of her and the wretched life she'd been forced to live.  She could stand to sleep there in that room again, with that photograph of him that she was beginning to hate.

            She opened the door, kicking off her high-heeled shoes and closing the door behind her before turning on the light.  As she did so, she felt a strong arm grab her from behind, and a hand clamped over her mouth as she went to scream.

            He heart pounded in her ears as she struggled futilely to get away from her attacker.  Whimpers escaped her throat as she felt warm breath upon her ear and neck.  She squeezed her eyes shut, trying once more to scream for help, as she was certain that she was about to meet some horrible fate.

            "Shhh…" a deep, soothing voice whispered in her ear.  "Don't scream, it's just me."

            She suddenly felt herself being freed from her attacker's grasp.  Sucking in a deep breath to steady herself, she whirled around, only to lose her bearings again.  "S-Squall?"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A/N:  Well, I hope you enjoyed. I tried to make their moments together as intimate as possible without there being too much physical activity.  Not time yet.  Well, I hope to have the next chapter up as fast as I had this one.

             


	14. Chapter XIII: The Ring

                                                                        Chapter 13

            For a long time, she could only stand there, paralyzed by the rush of feelings that swelled in her chest at seeing him.  She felt as if her very soul were trembling within her.  Certainly her eyes were betraying her.  It couldn't be…

            Her body finally kicked into life once more, and she threw herself into his arms without thinking.  She didn't want to cry, but tears were flowing out freely despite her efforts.  It had been six long months, each day stretching into its own eternity as she slowly was forced to process the fact that she would never again gaze into those heavenly eyes.  Yet, here he was, not a dream like he had appeared to her so many times before, but as a real human being.

            "I just knew I'd never see you again," she managed to choke out.  "I just knew it.  How are you here now?  After so long of being just a memory… how can you really be here?"

            She knew, some where in the back of her mind, that she must have looked like some ridiculous child to him, but at the moment she didn't care.  Every agonizing second that passed, his presence haunted her, filling her with such a burning need to be anywhere near him that with every moment she was denied that need, she died just a little bit more.  

            (How?  How did I ever become this way over him?  Over anyone?  It hurt so much…)

            She was brought from her reverie as she felt him timidly rub her back.  She could tell from the tentative way he returned her embrace that he still felt a bit awkward with close contact.

            Rinoa untangled herself from him, a faint blush staining her cheeks.  She lost herself once more in his eyes, before reality finally sunk in.  "Squall… what are you doing here?  This is a police station, and you're a wanted man!  Come on, we have to get you out of here," she said frantically as she pulled him toward the open window through which he'd come.

            He stopped, gently loosening her fingers from his arm.  "Rinoa, stop.  I'm well aware of where I am.  I came to see you."

            She could only stare at him, her heart giving off another dull ache at his voice, and his words.  "To see me?" she repeated.

            He nodded.  "I need your help, Rinoa… I… I didn't do it. I swear."

            The corners of her lips tugged downward, and her eyes shone with a new sadness.  "Squall… they found your fingerprints on the knife."

            "You don't believe me?" he demanded.

            "It's not that I don't believe you," she replied hurriedly.  "It's just… what do you want me to do?  I mean, I can't just run off with you.  I have a job here, and I'm engaged!  I can just leave that all behind," she replied, missing the look of hurt that flashed over his face at the mention of her engagement.  She wanted more than anything to go with him, but to run away with an alleged criminal would have very serious consequences.  And of course, there was the matter of the evidence.

            "You don't believe me," he repeated, more to himself, than anyone else.

            "No, Squall, it's just that-" she was interrupted by a knock at the door, and a deep male voice calling her name.

            "Dammit!" she hissed, jerking Squall by the arm and shoving him beneath her desk before sitting down and flipping open a random file.  "Come in!" she called sweetly.

            Squall held his breath trying not to make any sound whatsoever.  Heavy footsteps pounded over until their intruder was standing next to Rinoa's chair.  Curiosity got the better of him, and he peeked out at the tall man standing too close to Rinoa for Squall's comfort.

            "What are you doing here?" the blonde haired man asked.  "Didn't you have the day off for that funeral thing?"

            Rinoa resisted the urge to roll her eyes at his lack of sympathy.  "I wanted to go over a few cases of mine before I went home."

            "Always the workaholic, huh?" he said with a slight chuckle.  "Well, I'm gonna be here all night.  Some lunatic from some mental asylum escaped.  Murdered his doctor.  I want you to be careful when you head home."

            "Yes, Seifer," she sighed in exasperation.

            With every word the man seemed to move closer and closer to Rinoa, and Squall didn't like it one bit.  In fact, he was seriously considering biting the man's leg, which was now only a few inches from his face.  Instead, he studied the excellent view he had of Rinoa's long, shapely legs bared by her short skirt.  This succeeded in distracting his mind with other thoughts.

            "Well, I guess I'll see you around," Seifer, said, leaning in to capture Rinoa's lips.

            She abruptly jerked her head to the side, so he met her cheek instead.  "See you later, Seifer."

            Grumbling slightly to himself, Seifer left the office.  As soon as the door was safely closed behind him, Rinoa let out a sigh of relief and pushed her chair back.  Squall stood immediately and headed for the door.

            "Squall, what are you doing?" she demanded as she grabbed him by the arm once more.  

            He shrugged her off.  "Forget it.  I don't know why I bothered."

            "Squall," she whispered once more, her vision becoming blurry yet again.  "I want to believe you but it's just so… How do you know you didn't have some kind of episode and you just don't remember?"

            "I never had one before, why would I start out of the blue?"

            "Isabella told me that you became unstable again, after I left," Rinoa explained.  "If it happened that way, I don't blame you, Squall.  You couldn't help it."

            "Dammit, I told you I didn't do it!" he growled.  "I didn't have an episode," he insisted, slowly backing Rinoa up against her desk.  "I didn't do it because I hated her, I didn't do it because the voices told me to!" he finished in a hiss.

            Rinoa trembled for a moment, feeling her lower back hit the edge of her desk.  At first glance, Squall seemed to seethe with an incredible rage that scared even her.  But the longer she watched him, she realized it was just anguish and desperation.  She leaned her forehead against his chest.  "Look me in the eye, and tell me you didn't do it," she whispered.

            Without hesitating, he gently lifted her chin with his fingertips, and looked down into her eyes.  "I did not kill Quistis Trepe."

            She took a deep breath, her mind finally clearing for the first time that night.  "Come on.  We need to get away from here first.  It would probably be a good idea to leave the city, too.  They'll be tearing it apart looking for you."

            He grabbed her hand and stopped her as she headed toward the open window.  "You believe me?"

            She smiled slightly, her heart aching in an almost pleasant kind of way.  "Yes.  More than anybody else… I believe you."

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            Rinoa flipped on the light, revealing a small, chaotic living area.  She tossed her heavy brief case down on the floor, not caring where it landed, and collapsed on the couch with a relieved sigh.

            "Nice apartment," Squall said, his eyes absorbing every detail of his former therapists new dwelling.

            "That's nice of you, but you don't have to lie," she said.  "I'm so busy at work that I barely have time to clean.  I moved her five and a half months ago, and I still have half my stuff packed in boxes."

            "So you really like your job that much," he replied quietly, studying a picture of Rinoa and her family.

            She stood up, walking across the room until she stood next to him.  "To tell you the truth, I hate it.  But I have to make a living some how.  I was… a lot happier with my job at the asylum."

            "So that blonde man was your fiancé, huh?"

            Rinoa bit her lip until she thought it might bleed.  Squall almost sounded… angry, or jealous, though she found it hard to believe.

            _"Leave." _

_            "What?  But why?"_

_            "Just go.  Please.  Go!"_

Despite all that time, she had never forgotten those words.  It was adding insult to injury, rubbing a ton of salt in an open and bleeding wound.  It was bad enough that she'd had to leave him that night, but for him to reject her in such a way was unbearable.  That intimate moment they'd shared had been everything she had hoped for.  To him, it must have been nothing more than a physical release for his frustrations.  Perhaps he had told her to leave because he didn't want to use her.  Or maybe, he just didn't feel the bliss that she felt when their lips touched.

            "Yeah, that was him," she sighed.  "He's the chief of police, actually.  We met at work."

            He only nodded, deciding to say nothing more on the subject.  Silence invaded the room, causing both people to shift uncomfortably.  It was amazing how one little ring could awake so much pain in a relationship as close as their's.

            "Well, we should get some sleep.  We need to leave the city as early as possible.  Getting you here in the dark was hard enough," she said.

            He nodded with a deep sigh.  "Where will I sleep?"

            "Well, this is a one bedroom apartment.  But the couch is pretty comfortable."  She looked over at him and smiled, her heart fluttering in relief once again at the mere sight of him.  "Breaking out of the asylum and all must have taken a lot out of you.  You take my bed, I'll take the couch."

            He shook his head.  "It's supposed to be the other way around."

            She gently placed her hands on his shoulder, turning him around and marching him toward her open bedroom door.  "It's my apartment, so what I say, goes."  After successfully getting him into the room, she leaned in the doorway and allowed her eyes to take in everything she'd missed the past several months.  His beautiful eyes, his tempting lips, his lean, muscular body hidden beneath the trappings of his clothes… no matter how many times she'd seen it all in life, and in dreams, she'd never tire of the sight.  "I'd offer you something more comfortable to sleep in, but I don't guess you'd wanna wear my lacey night clothes, huh?" she joked, barely managing to speak through her dry mouth.

            "I'll be fine," he replied, stifling a yawn.  She was right.  All the running he'd done after breaking out had taken quite a bit out of him.

            "Goodnight Squall," she said quietly.  She gently closed the door, shedding her work clothes as she heading back into the living area.  Grabbing a loose black shirt from a pile near the washing machine, she pulled it over her head and collapsed once more on the couch.  Tomorrow was the day she'd leave everything behind.  Still, she couldn't help but smile.

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            Squall stared at the door for a moment, as if expecting Rinoa to burst back into the room.  He didn't feel comfortable with putting her out of her own bed.  Finally, deciding to give in to his body's cry for mercy, he stripped down to his boxers and buried himself beneath the covers.

            The mattress beneath him felt like heaven, and that scent… what could only be described as _her_ scent, clouded his mind.  She just wasn't going to make it easy.  Being near her and knowing he couldn't touch her was bad enough, but sleeping in her bed?

            He didn't know what he had expected to find when he finally saw Rinoa again.  He knew that she would've moved on with her life, but the fact that she was engaged caught him totally off guard.  He didn't blame her… in his mind she deserved someone better than a raving lunatic like him.  Still… he couldn't help but want to strangle her fiancé.  

            Inwardly, he cursed himself for not taking the opportunity he'd had to be with her before.  He'd never wanted anything so bad, but his heart battled against him.  It was bad enough that she was taking a piece of his soul with her when she left, whether he wanted to admit it or not, but to just give her his heart like that… only for her to walk out of his life forever.  As much as he craved her kiss, and yearned for her touch, he just couldn't do it.  

            The way she looked at him when he told her to leave… it still made his chest tighten in anguish, as if a hand had been squeezing his heart.  And now it was too late.  She loved another man.  The only thing he could do, he decided, was accept the fact, and be glad that he still had her friendship.  So long as she was happy, he could survive.

            Squall grudgingly resigned himself to this conclusion, and closed his eyes in preparation of a long, deep slumber.  Just as he was drifting off to sleep, a stray thought startled him back into the waking world.

            (Did she say lacey nightclothes?)

            He groaned in frustration, before burying his head beneath her pillow.  Yet, there was that scent that made his blood burn with desire.  Sighing, he tried to imagine that she was there with him, with no ring to separate the two of them.  Slowly, the thought lulled him into a comfortable sleep.

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            A heavy pounding on the door roused Rinoa from her dreamless slumber.  She cracked her eyes open, sunlight burning into her pupils until she was forced to squeeze them shut again.  Another round of insistent knocking sent her stumbling from her temporary bed to the door.  

            She rubbed her eyes furiously before peeking through the peephole at her unwelcome guest.  She immediately recognized the uniformed man, and sighed in exasperation.  Opening the door just a crack, she sent the man a weary look before saying, "Can I help you, Raijin?"

            The broad-shouldered man smiled at her, tipping his officer's hat.  "Seifer asked me to come check on you.  He did some digging, and found out that you worked at the same asylum that crazy murderer escaped from.  He wants you under twenty-four hour surveillance in case that nut comes after you."

            "That's really sweet of him, but I don't think that's necessary.  I kind of worked behind the scenes there.  None of the patients ever really knew me," she lied.  

            "Well, it's Seifer's orders." He replied.  "So, can I come in and have some coffee?"

            Rinoa studyed the man's goofy grin before saying, "At least let me get properly dressed first."  She didn't wait for an answer before slamming the door shut and running to her own room.

            "Squall!" she whispered desperately, taking hold of his shoulders and shaking him.  "Wake up!"

            "What?" he grumbled, cracking open a single eye to stare up at her.

            "Seifer sent one of his friend's to look out for me.  He's out in the hall now, we have to hurry and leave!"

            He nodded, standing abruptly and pulling his clothes on.  Rinoa temporarily forgot her problems and watched him, the world not returning to her until he was once again hidden from her eyes.  Finally, she pulled a suitcase from her closet, and flung it on the bed.  

            "I hate to ask you," she said, digging out a pair of jeans and slipping them on.  "But if I just leave him out in the hall, he's gonna get suspicious.  Just throw some of my clothes in there, and anything else I might need.  I've gotta go make that idiot some coffee.  Stay in here.  After he's occupied, we'll go out the window and down the fire escape."

            Rinoa ran back out to the door and let Raijin inside, giving him her best fake smile.  "Thanks for waiting.  I just had to straighten up a little bit."

            Raijin shook his head.  "Women.  It always takes forever for you to do the simplest things.  Can I have that coffee now?"

            Rinoa nodded, escorting him into the living room and sitting him down on the couch.  "Yeah, just let me go make it."

            She went through the usual process of making coffee, just like she did every morning.  That simple action reassured her once and for all that she wanted to leave this mundane life behind.

            (Everyday… always the same thing.  There has to be something better.)

            She served Raijin his coffee, then sat there for a few moments, trying not to appear rushed.  Finally, when she thought it had been long enough, she stood and gave him another forced smiled.  "I forgot there was something else I needed to do.  If you'll excuse me…"

            She didn't wait to hear his reply before heading back to her room, where Squall was waiting patiently.  She grabbed her purse from the top of her dresser, then turned to her companion with a genuine grin.  "Let's go!"    

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A/N:  Well, what do you think?  Sorry I made Rinoa cry so much, but I thought it was an appropriate reaction.  Next chapter:  Life on the run, and how long does Raijin sit there before he realizes something's wrong?  


	15. Chapter XIV: Retrospect

Chapter 14  
  
She stared out at the world beyond the glass, every image rushing by too fast to really distinguish. There wasn't anything worth seeing, anyway. It all reminded her too much of the way life had been up until just yesterday. Everything blurred around her, none of it worth really caring about. Like being stuck in a crowd of faceless people that came and disappeared with every passing moment.  
  
Sighing, Rinoa turned to her companion, who appeared to be asleep, chest rising and falling rhythmically, and face relaxed into an almost peaceful expression. So, there was one face that stuck out of the crowd. Now, if she could only keep him from disappearing.  
  
Rinoa shifted uncomfortably in the bus seat, before gently resting her head against his shoulder, and hooking her arm around his own. She decided that with him sleeping, it probably wouldn't hurt if she got a little closer to him. She took a deep breath, enjoying that scent that was uniquely his, and nuzzled her face into his jacket.  
  
"How did it ever come to this?" she whispered to herself.  
  
"I'm sorry," came a quiet, almost inaudible reply next to her.  
  
She started, surprised that he was awake, but dared to stay in the comfortable position she had chosen. "I thought you were asleep," she responded softly. "Don't be sorry. I don't regret anything. It's just that. I'd always imagined that we would meet again over happier circumstances, if I ever did see you again. Misfortune just seems to follow you around, huh?"  
  
"Yeah. and now I've brought it upon you, too."  
  
"Don't think of it that way. I would rather share your life of misfortune than." she stopped abruptly, realizing that she was just about to make her feelings very clear. She couldn't do that, not knowing that he wouldn't return the feeling. Instead, she struggled for a moment with different words to reply with. ". Than force you to bare it alone."  
  
"I still don't quite understand why you care."  
  
The corners of her lips tugged into a frown. "And me. do you care about me?"  
  
"Yes," he answered without hesitancy, but with a small amount of fear. "But you've done everything for me. I've done nothing but drag you down with me."  
  
"That's not true! Believe it or not, I do know how to put my foot down. I wouldn't have come with you if I hadn't wanted to."  
  
"So why would you want to give up everything for me?"  
  
"Because I care about you."  
  
He rolled his eyes, though she couldn't see it. "Sometimes I think you purposely lead me around in a circle, just for the fun of it."  
  
"What else are former patients for?" she asked with a small giggle. "You know. I hate to have to ask, but if we're going to get to the bottom of this, I have to know exactly what happened. Start with the night of the murder."  
  
He sighed deeply, not wanting to return to the subject, but knowing she was right. "Everything went as normal. I started to feel a little bit drowsy after dinner, so I went to bed early. When I woke up, there were big guys in white suits digging through me and Zell's stuff. There was some big guy hovering over me. He jerked me out of bed and pushed me out into the hall. Before I was out of the room, though, I saw them pull something out of the dresser drawer very carefully. Later I found out it was the knife, hidden in my drawer. Anyway, all the other patients were standing around in the halls, and from what I could gather, none of them knew what was going on. Next thing I know, they throw both Zell and me into solitary confinement. They came back hours later and let him free, before announcing that the test results from the lab had revealed Quistis' DNA on the blade. and my DNA and fingerprints on the handle."  
  
"So, whoever handled the knife before you must've worn gloves or something," Rinoa speculated. "Not that that really helps much. So, after that?"  
  
"They put me under arrest. but being that I was already in a mental asylum, I guess that they figured putting me in jail was a bad idea. So they put me in solitary confinement on the ninth floor until my first court appearance."  
  
"How long was that?"  
  
"Three or four days. I couldn't tell for certain. No one ever came in, or anything, they just slipped food through one of those little slots."  
  
"Three or four days?" she repeated in disbelief. "All alone. you always hated to be in there for even a few hours." She silently took his hand, entwining their fingers and giving him a comforting squeeze. She felt his pain, but also her own anger at whoever had put him through that.  
  
"They came and got me, then. They put shackles around my wrists and ankles and put me in the back of an armored van. Of course, it was driven by a couple of low-level idiots. I told them I was feeling ill, and they came to check on me. I knocked them both out, took their key to my restraints, and that's how I was able to escape. I drove the van into the city, ditched it in an alley, and looked you up in the phone book. Your name was there, along with the various police station numbers."  
  
"They treated you like a criminal, even before you'd been convicted."  
  
"In their eyes, it was an open and shut case."  
  
"I promise I'll get you out of this, Squall," she whispered. "No matter what it takes."  
  
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He sat at his desk, vigorously going over all the research he had managed to dig up. He couldn't help but be worried. He had this gut feeling that something bad would happen to her unless he caught the crazy criminal from her old job.  
  
At the thought of her, his eyes automatically wandered to the picture on his desk. He had his arm around her, dressed in his fancy officer's uniform and smiling as if it were the best night of his life. She smiled as well, but, although he had never really noticed until just that moment, her smile was forced, and painfully empty.  
  
He frowned at the image, his mind briefly scanning over every moment they'd spent together, and every picture they'd ever taken. Perhaps that night, she'd simply had too much wine, and wasn't feeling well.  
  
Slowly, Seifer Almasy realized that he had never seen a true, full smile from his own fiancé. It was one of those revelations that twisted your heart with a heavy steel chain. One of those realizations that you realized you should've seen before, but were just to busy enjoying the fake perfection to see the ugly truth beneath the glossy surface. He sighed inwardly. Was it really just too beautiful to be true?  
  
He thought back to the night he proposed. Her eyes had glistened in the candlelight, with what he thought were tears of joy. He replayed the image in his head again and again, trying his best not to see that emptiness, and deep sorrow that had been hidden in her smile as she accepted the diamond ring onto her finger. It had all been locked away at some far corner of his mind, the knowledge of her true unhappiness staying trapped within his subconscious efforts to suppress it. He always knew, didn't he? He just wouldn't let himself see it before.  
  
Seifer felt a sudden tightening in his chest, his mind racing as he wondered if it had all just been a lie. No. No, it just couldn't be! In a blind panic, he reached for the phone to call her and ask her the truth, but as his fingers touched the smooth plastic surface, it vibrated beneath his fingertips, and gave off a ringing cry of its own.  
  
He picked up the phone with trembling fingers, willing his heart to slow down. "Hello?" he forced out, feigning a tone of complete calm.  
  
"Seifer, this is Raijin."  
  
His heart seemed to sink to the floor, and his stomach lurched, seeming to jump into his throat. At that moment, he knew. He knew what Raijin was going to say.  
  
"Seifer, Rinoa's missing. her bedroom window's been left wide open. I think. I think she's been kidnapped.  
  
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Waves gently rolled in and out, lapping at the off-white sand beneath creaking, iron grating that served as a boardwalk for the small town. Small buildings made of rusted sheet metal dotted the coastline, the furious ocean breeze rattling the thin walls. Small children played in the surf, and watched the massive fishing ships sailing on the horizon. It was the perfect setting for a lovers' getaway, or an old couple's retirement. Or, maybe even the perfect place to hide from the police.  
  
"Maybe we could just stay here, and forget about all our problems," Rinoa mumbled beneath her breath as she stared out at the sapphire waters that seemed to stretch on forever, past the edge of the earth. "Just me, and you. nothing to worry about."  
  
Squall studied her closely, the sun illuminating her skin and the sea winds playing in her hair. He couldn't help but feel guilty, for dragging her along with him. He felt ashamed. for once he had allowed himself to be selfish, wanting her to be with him even though it was dangerous to her. "I'll find some way to make this up to you," he found himself saying. "Anything you want."  
  
She turned to look at him, a sad, indecipherable little smile on her face. It was painfully ironic. The one thing she wanted was the one thing he would probably never give her. But at least, she had his company. "I have everything I could ever really hope for," she replied, staring deeply into his eyes and trying her damnedest not to let the tears she felt swelling in her heart, show in her eyes.  
  
Silence claimed the pair again as they walked along the iron path, held over the water by strong steel beams. Most of the buildings by the ocean appeared to be private residents, or small fishing companies, almost every one complete with a small boathouse next to the pier. After walking nearly half-way around the edge of the little bay side town, they came across a house made of brittle, sea worn wood with a sign out front that stated simply, 'Seaside Tavern'.  
  
The ringing of a small bell over the door announced their arrival, drawing the attention of an older woman at the bar, and two older men sitting at a table near the entrance. The woman, a serious-faced, slightly plump lady with dark hair gave a nod in acknowledgement. "What can I do ya for?"  
  
"We need a room," Rinoa answered. At her words, Squall turned to her and arched his eyebrow, but his questioning look when unnoticed.  
  
The woman gave another nod and handed them a key from behind the counter. "Cash only, no credit cards. We ain't too strict about checkout time, but we would like you out before noon. The fishing ships come in around dark, and the place will get pretty crowded then, just to let you know."  
  
Rinoa accepted the key and the change back for the room before taking a quick look at her surroundings. It was mostly dark, and smelled strongly of fish and booze, as was to be expected. The walls were covered in fishing nets, mounted fish, and ship rigging, creating a rather trite fisherman's atmosphere, like the kind you'd see at a sea food restaurant hundreds of miles from the ocean. There were two doors on the opposite wall, one was a bathroom, the other was the door to the rooms. Rinoa quickly grabbed Squall's hand and led him to the other door, the pungent smells making her light-headed.  
  
They found the room with ease, as there were only a total of seven, and entered, setting their one suitcase down next to the door and observing their small room. There was only one bed, barely big enough for two people, and a small table. A door on the other side of the other wall led to what they assumed was the bathroom.  
  
"One room, huh?" Squall muttered with a slight frown.  
  
Rinoa felt herself blush at the thought, but justified her actions. "Well, I thought, that if anything were to happen and we needed to get out of here fast, we would be able to do so faster if we were in the same room. If you want one for yourself though-"  
  
"No!" Squall replied, and then kicked himself inwardly for sounding too eager. "No, it's fine. It's a good idea to stay close, anyway."  
  
He watched Rinoa as she kicked off her shoes and flopped down on the bed that they would have to share for the night. Just when he thought things between them couldn't get more tense. more difficult. Now he had to share a bed with her, without touching her, or so much as letting on that he wants to. Even putting his arms around her would be going to far. Things would only get more awkward that way.  
  
"After we prove your innocence, and you're acquitted of the charges, what will you do?" Rinoa asked, propping herself up on her elbows so she could look at him.  
  
He leaned against the door and shrugged. "I don't know. They'll probably make me go back to the asylum, even if I'm not guilty."  
  
"Yeah, but who will take care of you, with Quistis gone?"  
  
"They'll probably hire someone to take her place."  
  
"Someone that doesn't know anything about you," Rinoa pondered aloud. "I don't know what good I can do, but when everything is over, I'll see if I can't get you out of there for good. You can't spend the rest of your life in a place like that."  
  
Squall's usual frown deepened as he thought about it for a moment. "But what would I do? I've spent most of my adult life locked up from the rest of the world. No bank account or savings to fall back on. Just what small bit of property my sister had. I don't really know what it's like to live in the real world, all alone."  
  
"Well, I'll help you through that, too. You could even stay with me while you get settled."  
  
"Yeah, your fiancé would love that," he retorted.  
  
Rinoa frowned for a moment, looking toward the window as she tried to hide the pain she knew would show through to him. Finally, her eyes returned to his figure leaning uncomfortably against the door. "You know, you don't have to stand all the way over there," she said softly. "I promise I won't bite."  
  
The look in her eyes, and the deep vulnerability in her voice made him quiver inside. Sometimes the way she spoke, or looked, and the things she said would give him hope, if only for a brief second, before reality set in. There was a sadness, a longing in her eyes, and he wanted so badly to believe that it was for him. Then he realized she was probably just missing her fiancé. Sighing, he pushed himself off the door and strode across the room, struggling with his own emotions and desires before sitting down on the bed next to her. So hard to be so close, and so far at the same time.  
  
"You know, you're a lot nicer to me now than you used to be," Rinoa pointed out, reaching desperately for anything to talk about.  
  
"Yeah, well, if you get angry at me now, and run off, I'd be up shit creek without a paddle, wouldn't I?"  
  
"Is. is that the only reason? You don't wanna piss me off because you need me to help you? Is that the whole reason you came to see me that night?" Rinoa demanded, her voice rising with every question. "Tell me the truth!"  
  
Squall opened his mouth to offer some explanation, but nothing would come. His instincts screamed to retreat back into his usual uncaring attitude and lie to her, for the sake of his pride, even if it would hurt her. Still, there was that throbbing ache eating away at his heart, tightening his throat and trying to squeeze the truth from him. Every waking moment, his mind was plagued with images of her smile, and the sound of her voice, whispering kind words to sooth the tortured and broken soul within him, left behind from years of solitude. Even his dreams offered no sanctuary from the persistent disease that threatened to swallow him, and he didn't care. He didn't want to be saved anymore.  
  
(I finally let myself feel something, I finally feel like expressing something, and I can't. It would be humiliating, no matter how nice she would try and be about it. That's what would make it so hard. to have her smile at me like that while she told me that I'd find someone else someday. I can't do that. I can't give her my heart if all she'll do is crush it.)  
  
"Yeah," he said finally, in a tone of forced calm. "Yeah, I guess that's what it all comes down to."  
  
She stared at him for a short eternity, an indecipherable look coming over her face. He couldn't tell what she was thinking, but it made his heart wrench all the same.  
  
(Yeah, so you spared yourself the rejection. and hurt her in the process. That's so much better) he thought to himself bitterly.  
  
"Bastard," she whispered, so low he could hardly hear her. "I don't know why I ever thought you would change."  
  
"I can understand. if you want to leave me now," he replied slowly.  
  
"No. I made a promise that I'd help you. And, though I certainly can't understand why, I still care about you, even if I'm just a tool for you," she snapped.  
  
"Rinoa," he began, desperate to take away that pain that was rooted so deeply in her eyes. He'd hurt her more than enough in the past, he couldn't stand to do it again.  
  
"No," she interrupted, in a quiet but strong voice. "You've made everything very clear to me. I'm going for a walk, and then I'm going straight to bed when I come back. You stay on one side, and I'll stay on the other."  
  
With that, she left the room, never once looking back at him. He wanted to follow her, to tell her he hadn't meant a word of what he'd said, but realized she'd probably never believe him.  
  
(With all the things I've said before, how could she ever really believe a word that comes out of my mouth? I say I don't mean it, and say it again. She probably is better off with that other guy. I'm not worth all the pain I put her through.)  
  
He took a long shower in the tiny bathroom next to their room, hoping that the scalding water would wash his problems, if only for a little while. It lessened the tension in his body, but did nothing for his low spirits.  
  
When he came out, he noticed Rinoa passed out on the bed, sleeping like a peaceful child without a care. He felt his own drowsiness kick in at that moment, and wanted nothing more than to sleep next to her, arms tight around her, and holding her body close.  
  
Giving a deep sigh, he shed all clothes but his boxers and a shirt, and slowly approached the bed, pausing for a moment to look down at the sleeping woman. He pulled the blanket over her, like a mother would to a child, and gave her a small, chaste kiss on her forehead, before getting settled onto his side of the bed.  
  
"Goodnight, Rinoa," he whispered, staring at her back that she had probably turned to him purposely. "I'm sorry, and this time I swear I mean it. After this is over, I'll leave you alone for the rest of your live if that's what you want. I'll find some way to make you happy. That's my promise to you."  
  
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A/N: Yeah, I know, those crazy kids. suffering so much over a little misunderstanding. But hey, that's how life goes, right? Sorry if you're getting sick of all the drama, and the uselessness of this chapter. I've been debating on whether they should get together before or after the mystery is solved, so I want your input. My fair readers, I ask you: before or after?  
  
Next chapter: The manhunt is on, as well as the silent treatment. Can our heroes make it through? *dramatic drum roll* Tune in next chapter! (I'm not on anything it's just kinda late, okay?) 


	16. Chapter XV: The Pain of Irony

A/N: Well, my dear readers, I checked reviews this morning (Nov. 18) and found the 'before or after' votes at a deadlock. Three for three, and some that didn't give their opinion. I know I didn't give very long, but I'm ready to write, so, I'm counting myself as the deciding vote! And I decide: *drum roll* Before! I have two main reasons for doing this, which I'll tell you about at the bottom. For now, I'm gonna stop boring you and get to the story.  
  
Chapter 15  
  
So, his gut feeling had been right on the money. He hadn't been fast enough to stop it, and now she was gone, possibly forever. He shuddered at the thought. The police chief's fiancé, stolen right out from underneath him. What would people think? He shook his head, feeling ashamed that such a thought had even dared to cross his busy mind. Her safety was more important than his reputation.  
  
As Seifer stared idly out the window, his stomach twisted into a maze of knots as he waited for something, anything to drop down from the heavens above and lead him to the love of his life, he wondered is she was thinking of him at that moment.  
  
Yesterday's revelation still burned at the forefront of his mind. He wanted to believe that he had been wrong. He wanted to find her, and settle his worries once and for all. He just couldn't understand why she would've carried on as far as she did with him if she was never happy.  
  
A ghost of a smile appeared on his lips as he thought of how they'd first met. He'd noticed her right away, of course, just as all the other men had. She was beautiful, with a hauntingly dark air about her, something brought upon her by living in the depths of misery. At the time, Seifer was the biggest playboy at the station, and at first, trying to date her was just a game. But her utter resistance to his attempts had drawn him in deeper, her apathy towards his tearing apart his ego, and forcing him to face his own selfishness. He was no longer the same man. Was he?  
  
It occurred to him then, that he'd never asked her why she had been so distraught in the first place. She had never volunteered the information, and he had never once cared to ask. Some pieces of the past were meant to stay buried, and at the time, he assumed she had let go of her pain for a life of happiness with him. The truth was, that the past had never let go of her, and whatever it was that caused her so much sorrow still had a death grip on her. He tried to think. what had she said of her life before coming to the city? Where had she been, what had she done?  
  
Before the answers could come to him, Raijin entered the office, a mess of papers in his hands, and a wide smile on his face. "We've got a lead! She withdrew all of her money from the bank the morning she went missing, and a woman at the bus station identified her. Said she was heading to FH with some man. Now all we have to do is go after them!"  
  
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Squall slowly opened his eyes, a foreign feeling of warmth covering his body. He instantly felt at peace, despite everything, and was nearly lulled back to sleep by the gentle touch of heat surrounding him. He couldn't help but wonder, somewhere deep within his mind, what it was, and where it was coming from. Suddenly, he was aware of a warm rush of air against his neck, sending tingles over his skin. He shifted slightly, and realized there was a long, smooth leg hooked around one of his, and a small, delicate hand resting on his chest. He cautiously reached a hand up and stroked it through the mass of silky raven hair that was spilled over the pillow next to him. This elicited a contented sigh that was breathed against his throat, and the soft body next to him snuggled closer until he could feel her every curve pressed against him.  
  
A smile started to form on his lips, as he relaxed into the comfortable position he'd suddenly found himself in. It was certainly an improvement from last night, when she was barely talking to him. Perhaps she'd decided at some point during the night to forgive him?  
  
(Even if she had decided to forgive me, this is a little closer than you'd usually get to someone who's just a friend) he mused. (This is more like something you'd do with someone that you.)  
  
His thoughts trailed off as reality settled in, and a cynical thought popped into his mind. A frown twisted his face once more, as he felt her stir next to him. He closed his eyes, feigning sleep, and quietly lamented the loss of her warmth as she slowly sat up.  
  
Squall reached a hand up to rub his eyes then, as if he'd just woke up, before chancing a look at her. A look of confusion graced her features for a brief moment, before she quickly pushed away from him, trying to act as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred.  
  
He sat up as she hastily pulled a pair of jeans on, and reached for her hairbrush. "Where to today?" he asked quietly. She violently tugged the brush through her dark locks but showed no other sign of acknowledgement. He sighed. "So you're not talking to me at all today?" Still no reply. "You know, this isn't going to do either of us any good!" he growled, quickly growing impatient. "If anything this is going to cause even more problems, and that's the last thing we need right now."  
  
"Well, if I'm just such a problem right now, why don't you just go on without me!" she hissed. "You're the damn genius, you can figure all this out yourself. So what am I good for anyway? Are you gonna hold me hostage or something if the police do catch up with us? Have you got a gun hidden somewhere so you can point it at my head when they show up? I mean, what's my life matter to you?"  
  
"Rinoa, you're over-reacting. You know I would never do something like that."  
  
"Bull shit! You don't care what happens to me at all! If you really did then how could you have possibly expected me to give up everything in my life for you. How could you even ask me in the first place?"  
  
"Don't even try it. I didn't force you to do anything; you did it of your own accord. Yeah, I asked you. I needed your help and I thought I could trust you."  
  
"You trusted that you could use me!" she spat.  
  
"And what about you?" he demanded.  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"Aren't you just using me as a temporary replacement for him?"  
  
She couldn't help the gasp that escaped from her. "How could you even think that? I mean. what the hell ever gave you that idea?"  
  
"This morning," he retorted angrily. "Cuddled up to me like you probably do with him every night. did you think that if you shut your eyes tight enough, you could pretend that I was him?"  
  
A visible shudder ran through her body, and she could barely keep the sob swelling in her throat from reaching the open air. Her fists clenched at her side, and she tried with everything that was in her to be calm. When she had finally composed herself enough, she grabbed the cell phone from her purse and headed for the door, pausing for just a moment. "For you information, he and I have never shared the same bed," she replied coldly, without ever turning to face him. "And if my being there really bothers you that much, then I can assure you that you and I will never share a bed again, either. I'm going to call Isabella. I'm sure if you go to the front desk, you can arrange to have a room of your own."  
  
As the slamming door signaled her departure, Squall collapsed back on the bed, burying his face in his hands. He couldn't stand it much longer. Rejection would be painful in a way that he would never recover from, but at least it was simple. To keep lying like this, to keep hurting her again and again just so he could delay the inevitable. He would be lucky at this point if she didn't hate him for the rest of her life. Nothing, in his mind, could ever be worse than that.  
  
Then, of course, there was her claim that he'd made her give up everything for him. While he knew it was just something she'd thrown out in the middle of an argument, he couldn't help but curse himself for his actions. He'd dragged her into this with him, not really considering how it would ruin her life. All he knew at the time was that he needed to see her, and be with her, if only for the sake of proving his innocence. In the end, it only hurt them both.  
  
Grabbing a pencil and a piece of paper from Rinoa's purse, Squall slowly transferred his feelings to the paper, struggling to get every word exactly as he wanted it. He wanted her to know precisely what he felt, after he set her free.  
  
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Rinoa walked with slow, leisure steps around the boardwalk, waiting until she could get a signal on her phone. Her hands trembled so much she could hardly read the screen, and her face was still damp with tears. She knew a lot of the things she said weren't true. He hadn't forced her to do anything. she had been all too willing to run away with him. But what did it matter in the end? He was even more selfish now than before.  
  
She finally stopped her pacing, with a relieved sigh, and dialed the number Isabella had given to her at the funeral. She bit her lip, praying she would pick up the phone. She needed to talk to someone, someone that would cry and curse Squall's name right along with her.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hi!" Rinoa exclaimed upon hearing her voice. "I'm so glad I could reach you!"  
  
"Rinoa? What's up?"  
  
The excitement drained from Rinoa's voice and she sighed once again. "I'm. I'm with Squall, at a place called FH, I think. I need someone to talk to."  
  
"You're. but he's. Look, if I'm not mistaken, FH isn't that far away from Dollet. If you'll go there, I'll hop a bus and meet you at the station, okay? It shouldn't be but a couple hours. I take it this isn't just another one of your arguments."  
  
Rinoa laughed bitterly. "If I didn't care about him so much I swear I would've walked away last night. I need someone to talk to."  
  
"On my way out the door!" Isabella exclaimed. "I'll see you in a few hours. Hold yourself together until then. Bye!"  
  
"Bye," Rinoa mumbled into the phone. She recalled that they'd reached FH by ferry, after getting off the bus at Dollet. It wasn't but an hour-long ride, if that much, and was cheap at that. She briefly glanced back at the inn, her feet starting to carry her back so she could at least tell Squall she was leaving for a while.  
  
(No, what's the point) Rinoa wondered to herself. (It's not like he cares...)  
  
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Not but two hours and thirty minutes later, Rinoa and Isabella were seated on the upper balcony of a classy little coffee shop in Dollet. Rinoa stared out at the quaint little town around her, busying her distressed mind by watching the people come and go.  
  
"I hate to be rude, but. There is a reason I spent two hours on a bus to get here, right?" Isabella asked quietly.  
  
"He's just been using me this whole time." Rinoa murmured softly.  
  
"Using you? For what? You gotta start from the beginning here. I don't understand how you ended up going off with him in the first place."  
  
"After I left the funeral, I went back to my office, and he was there, waiting for me. He said he was innocent, and that he needed my help. At first I wasn't sure what to believe. all the evidence against him was hard to argue with. But he looked me in the eyes and told me he didn't do it. I couldn't help but believe him. I wanted to go with him so badly, anyway. I know I never said anything, and I know it may sound strange to you, but." her voice trail off as she struggled with herself.  
  
"But he'd been on your mind every second of the day since you left the asylum?" Isabella finished. At Rinoa's look of surprise, she just laughed. "Oh please, like it was some big secret. You would look at him, then he'd look at you, and you'd blush and look away. He would look at you a lot too, but you didn't see it half the time. And it wasn't just that you were looking at each other, it was your eyes. I can't say that I know Squall all that well, but I've never seen him look at anyone the way he'd look at you. Zell said the same thing, and he was the man's roommate for years."  
  
"I was a friend," Rinoa replied. "But I guess after all that time of not seeing him, he lost that sense of friendship. I'm just a way out of prison for him."  
  
"What makes you think that he's using you?"  
  
"Because he said so himself!"  
  
"So?"  
  
"What do you mean, so?" Rinoa demanded.  
  
"You should know by now that Squall doesn't always mean everything he says." Isabella chuckled slightly. "Hell, he was probably just embarrassed to admit that he wanted to see you, too, so he said that to cover his tracks."  
  
"You really think so?"  
  
"I'd bet money," Isabella answered.  
  
"Well. you're probably right. I guess we can continue to be friends, then."  
  
"Friends? You don't wanna be just friends with him, admit. What I don't understand is, why did you get engaged to someone else when you clearly have feelings for Squall?"  
  
"I never thought I'd see him again," Rinoa explained. "And even if I did, I know he doesn't want the same thing I do."  
  
"Did he say that?"  
  
"No," Rinoa grumbled, and proceeded to describe to her the details of their last night at the asylum together. By the time she was through, her cheeks were flushed with the memory, but her eyes were also glistening with fresh tears. "He told me to leave. he didn't want me."  
  
Isabella sighed. "I honestly don't know what to tell you, there. I mean, from everything I've seen myself, I'd say the man's been in love with you since the beginning, but I can't really judge without seeing the whole story. Even still, Rinoa. if you don't love this other guy, you shouldn't stay engaged to him. It's not fair to either of you."  
  
"You think I should break it off?"  
  
"Yeah, definitely. So!" Isabella started with a wide grin, "Now that we've solved your personal crisis, let's get you back to your adorable little criminal."  
  
"You make it sound like it's a good thing," Rinoa giggled slightly.  
  
"Of course. One day I hope to have one myself," the blue-haired woman joked as she pushed Rinoa in the direction of the ferry. "If you need anything else, call me."  
  
Rinoa nodded, smiling to her friend, and waving. She felt immensely better having talked to someone, and now she was determined to make peace.  
  
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  
  
Squall signed his name at the bottom of the paper, before allowing his eyes to drift over to the pile of crumpled papers in the corner. Finally, after hours of searching for the right words to express himself, he had finished the letter. The time had passed by without him really noticing, and he vaguely wondered why Rinoa had been gone so long.  
  
Putting on his jacket, and taking once last glance around the room, Squall headed for the door. But as he reached for the knob, it turned from the other side, and opened.  
  
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  
  
Rinoa eased the door open, her legs still wobbly after the boat ride. "Squall, I'm sorry I-"  
  
She froze before she could finish her sentence. Her stomach twisted into a knot, and her heart quivered in her chest, as if it might give out at any moment. She struggled to regain her breath, as fear rendered her speechless. It was over. It was all over, now.  
  
"Don't worry, Rinoa," the deep, strong voice that she had come to resent spoke. "Everything will be okay, I'm here now. And I'm gonna kill this bastard for ever even looking at you!"  
  
"Seifer." she whispered, as she stared hopelessly at the sight before her.  
  
There stood her fiancé, in the middle of the room with his pistol pressed against Squall's forehead. He didn't flinch, or show any sign of fear. He just stared back at Seifer calmly, before allowing his gaze to shift to Rinoa.  
  
"Don't you dare look at her!" Seifer roared.  
  
"Seifer, stop!" Rinoa screamed, finally finding her voice.  
  
"Don't worry about him, Rinoa. He won't ever be able to come after you, again."  
  
"Seifer stop, you don't understand! Just listen to me," she pleaded, pulling in vain at his arm in an attempt to lower his gun. "He didn't kidnap me or anything, I swear!"  
  
Seifer didn't seem to even hear her, as he locked eyes with the man before him. There was no remorse there, no repentance at all. Seifer's arm trembled as his rage grew. He wasn't even sorry for everything he had done! The eyes that stared back at him seemed inhuman with such a steady, unwavering gaze. Such a person was not worthy of life. A clicking sound echoed through the room as he cocked the gun.  
  
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ A/N: Cliffhanger!!!!!!!! Yes, I'm evil sometimes, I know. This chapter kinda. stunk to me. Maybe it was too forced. anyway, reasons for deciding on before:  
  
There's only so far I can stretch this drama out (and you can obviously tell I was stretching it in this chapter.) Once the mystery is solved, the story is pretty much over. There would be no time left for romance. So, before it is. Tune in next time! 


	17. Chapter XVI: Confessions

A/N:  Sorry it's taken me so long to update.  Been playing FFX-2 (42% completion so far).  So, here it is, the moment you've been waiting for….

                                                            Chapter 16

"_Tilling my own grave to keep me level_

_Jam another dragon down the hole_

_Digging to the rhythm and the echo of a solitary siren_

_One that pushes me along and leaves me so_

_Desperate and ravenous_

_Weak and powerless_

_Over you"_

~ A Perfect Circle   _Weak and Powerless_

            There was no time to think, to step back and observe the situation.  Dark eyes frantically searched the room for any kind of solution, heart and mind battling with each other over what was right, and what was sensible.  The click echoed through her ears, just as her eyes landed on the handle at his side.  Her mind surrendered its will to her heart.

            His finger tightened on the trigger, pushing back until he could feel the slightest bit of resistance.  The more sadistic part of him, buried deep in the darkest chamber of his soul, wished that he could see fear in his victim's eyes.  It all moved painfully slow, like a lifetime passing in a split second.  Something cold and round pressed into the skin at the base of his skull, causing every muscle in his body to tense in shock.  He released his pressure on the trigger at the last possible moment.

            "What are you doing?" his voice was quiet, a tone forced out that was somewhere in between anger and awe.

            "You wouldn't listen to me," she choked out in reply.  "I tried to tell you the truth, but you wouldn't listen.  I had no choice."

            "You have my attention now," he spoke, with an inflection of sarcasm.

            "Put down the gun first."

            "Rinoa-"

            "Do it!" she ordered, her broken voice rising into a yell.  "I'll shoot if I have to, I swear it!"

            She watched carefully as he did what he was asked, before allowing a relieved sigh to escape her throat.  She lowered her trembling arms until the gun was resting at her side.  He turned to look at her, eyes desperately seeking the reason for such betrayal.

            "I came with him of my own accord," she explained in a low mumble.  "He used to be a patient of mine.  I came with him, to help him prove his innocence."  

            "Rinoa, I know you're smarter than that!" he hissed.  "He's guilty, there's nothing more to it."

            "He says he's not guilty, and I believe him," she replied in an unwavering voice.

            "You can't possibly be that foolish," Seifer insisted.  "Even if you did come with him of your own will, and I don't shoot this pathetic bastard right here and now, I have to take him in.  He's a criminal, no matter what you believe!  I can't, and I won't, let him go."

            "Neither will I."  Her voice was steady, and cold, leaving no room for argument.  "I don't want to do this to you, Seifer, but I will if I have to."  Her grip tightened on the handle of the pistol she held, and her glassy eyes darted to the tall, dark-haired man that stood silent on the other side of the room. 

            There was no sudden revelation, no light going off in his head.  It took him several moments of silence to piece it all together, bit-by-bit.  The asylum was the last place she had been, before moving to the city, and now here she was, willing to throw away his life and hers for that of her patient's.

            "I see," he whispered.  "I kept trying to put it all together, but I never really understood it until now.  Or maybe I just didn't want to understand."  His eyes fell upon the ring he'd given her, watching it sparkle in the dim light.  "I guess it's over, huh?"

            "I'm sorry.  I didn't mean for things to happen this way, but I guess I just can't help the way I feel."  Her voice was edged with tears, and a lump grew in her throat as she stared at the man before her.  "I have no right to ask, but please… if you care anything about me…"

            "I never once asked you, what it was that made you so sad when you came to the station.  I never realized, until after you were gone, that I'd never really seen you smile.  I want to be angry with you, I want to hate you.  But how can I blame you for feeling the way you do, when I never paid enough attention to realize you were unhappy.  I really did care about you, as best as I knew how.  I hope you understand that."

            She nodded.  "I do.  I care about you too, just not the way you want me to.  At the time, I thought you were the best thing for me.  I'm sorry…"

            He nodded, his head bowed deep in thought.  Silence invaded the room, and Rinoa weighed her options.  Even if she had Seifer's forgiveness, he might not be willing to let Squall go.

            "It wouldn't do any good to tell you I think he's a danger to you?"

            Rinoa laughed slightly.  "Not at all.  I won't leave him."

            "Then… where will you two be heading from here?" Seifer finally asked.

            "I don't know.  We haven't given it much thought," Rinoa answered softly.

            "There's a small town south of Dollet called Winhill.  Go there, and rest for one night if you need to, but no more.  Fujin and Raijin are in town, covering the docks.  I'll convince them to go north of Dollet, to Timber.  From here on, you're on your own, though.  If I continue to help you, I'll lose my job."

            He said all of this without looking at her, in a low and pained voice.  She studied him for a moment, trying to understand what was going through his head, before throwing his arms around him.  "Thank you," she whispered.  "I can't tell you how much this means to me."

            He only nodded, and gently pushed her back.  "You better get going.  The longer I'm here, the more they'll start to wonder."

            Rinoa nodded, and quietly slipped the ring off her finger, before leaving it in the palm of his hand.  Squall, who had said nothing the entire time, was already gathering Rinoa's things into her suitcase.  Rinoa grabbed the things around her purse and stuffed them inside, including a piece of notebook paper that she hadn't noticed there before.

            Seifer turned to Squall, pinning him with a gaze bordering hatred.  "You better take good care of her.  If you cause her harm, in any way, I'll make your life nothing short of hell."

            Squall gave a curt nod.  "You won't have to worry."

            Seifer turned and left, having nothing more to say, and didn't dare to so much as glance back at the woman he was leaving behind.

            "Let's give him a few moments, then we'll sneak over to the dock, and leave."

            Squall said nothing, but only stared at her.  Though his face was expressionless, his eyes posed a silent question that she understood clearly.  Why did she do it?

            She smiled at him, in that comforting, reassuring way that made his chest tighten.  She would explain everything later.  He understood, without her saying a word.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

            Getting to Winhill was easy enough.  As promised, Seifer had called Fujin and Raijin away from the ferry, and as far as they could tell, they had not given chase.  Winhill was a small, quiet town, seemingly untouched by the past century.  Flowers lined the cobble stone paths, and elderly couples sipped tea on the porches of their quaint little cottages.  There was only one inn, as there had been in FH, and this was probably the newest building in the town.

            As Rinoa stood at the counter, debating over whether not to get one room or two, this time, something caught her eye.  In the corner behind the front desk, a surveillance camera stared at her through a dark lens.  

            Of course… why hadn't she thought of it before?

            "Miss, is there a problem?" the woman in front of her questioned as she followed Rinoa's gaze.

            "Oh, of course not," Rinoa laughed nervously.  "Its just that I haven't seen any kind of electronics since I've been here.  It seems almost out of place."

            The woman nodded. "Yes, well, this is the retirement capitol of the world, so it's mostly populated by old people.  They don't trust machines.  But, that doesn't mean all of us have to be that way.  Now, have you decided what kind of room you'd like?"

            "Do you have one room with two beds?"

            "We have one left.  Room B2."

            "I'll take it," Rinoa sighed as she laid some money on the counter, and accepted a key in return.

            She started silently up the stairs, and Squall followed behind her with her suitcase.  As she opened the door to their room, he tossed her bag down and sighed.  "I'm beginning to feel like your personal servant."

            "Gee, someone's grumpy today," she commented.

            "Well, having some psycho woman yell at you first thing in the morning, and then having someone put a gun to you head, kind of puts you in a bad mood!" he snapped.

            "Psycho woman?  What psycho woman?" she asked innocently.  "Look, just relax for a while.  I have to make another phone call."

            Rinoa headed into the bathroom so she could have some privacy, and pulled her cell phone from her purse.  As she did, a piece of paper fluttered to the ground, but she didn't notice.

            The phone rang a few times before Isabella's weary voice came on the line.  "Hello?"

            "Isabella!  I'm sorry to call you again so soon.  How was your trip back?"

            "Long and uncomfortable," Isabella answered immediately.  "Did you get things sorted out?"

            Rinoa laughed.  "You wouldn't believe what happened after I got back.  But I'll have to tell you some other time.  Right now, I've got an important question to ask you."

            "Shoot."

            "Has there been any mention, whatsoever, about a surveillance camera tape?  Concerning the murder, I mean.  It just hit me today, I can't believe I didn't think of it before."

            "No," Isabella replied.  "They've gone on, and on about the knife, and the DNA match, and the recent 'kidnapping', but they haven't said anything about a tape."

            "Something isn't right here," Rinoa muttered.  "They kept those cameras on night and day, they would've captured the murder on tape.  If that's the case, why aren't they submitting that as evidence?"

            "Well, what if the tape does show Squall killing Quistis?"

            Rinoa heaved a sigh.  "Even if it does, they would have submitted it as evidence against him.  Dammit… I need to see that tape, but if we get anywhere near Deling City…"

            "Rinoa, don't worry about it," Isabella answered.  "That tape's as good as yours.  We'll get it for you."

            "We?"

            "Zell and I.  He's still in the asylum, so he can work from the inside.  We'll find the tape and get it to you."

            "I can't ask you to do that.  There's no telling what kind of trouble you'll get into."

            "Don't worry about it. What else are friends for, anyway?  Now, just chill for a day or so.  When we have the tape, I'll call you and find out where you are.  Okay?"

            "Okay.  Thank you so much, Isabella!"

            "No problem."

            Rinoa clicked off the phone, and let loose another shaky sigh, letting all the tension in her body slowly slip away.  There was nothing to do now but wait.  It sounded so simple, but with her and Squall at each other's throats, she knew there would be no such thing as relaxing anytime soon.

            As she was about to exit the bathroom, the white, folded piece of paper on the floor caught her eye.  She bent down and gingerly picked it up, unfolding it until the hand-written letter inside was revealed.

            _Rinoa,_

_I'm sorry.  I know that doesn't mean much of anything to you anymore, and I don't blame you.  But I just want you to know that I am.  Honestly, I wasn't really thinking at all when I looked for you that night.  It wasn't until I was on my way there that I made up the excuse that I needed your help.  I guess you were right.  I was being selfish for even asking you to come with me.  I should never have even come back into your life.  You have your own world now, and I had no right to intrude on that.  I am selfish.  I didn't think of anything but wanting to see you again._

_I dragged you into this with me, without considering how it would affect you.  I might cost you your job, and even your marriage.  I could say I'm sorry a million times, but I guess that wouldn't fix anything.  The best thing for me to do now is just go, and let you get back to your own life.  I can only hope that you don't hate me for the rest of your life, for all the things I've said and done._

_I know it's too late to take back the way I've hurt you, but I still want you to know the truth.  I acted the way I did, because I didn't want you to know how I really felt.  I let the opportunity to tell you slip away, and now you're engaged to another man.  I couldn't face the rejection, so I lied.  I hope you can forgive me someday.  _

_I want you to go back to Deling City, live your own life, and be happy.  I'm going to try and figure this all out on my own, so don't worry about me.  Thank you for all you've done for me.  Aside from Ellone, you're the only person that ever really tried.  That means more to me than you'll ever know._

_                                                                                    Squall_

 Rinoa placed a shaky hand over her mouth to muffle the sob that escaped her throat.  If Seifer hadn't found him, then he'd have been gone by the time she returned.  She would have lost him again, possibly forever.  And it was all because she hadn't been able to see what was really there.  She had never dared to believe that he could feel the same way about her as she did about him.  It was all a terrible, tangled mess, and she had straighten it out before he slipped away from her again.  Taking a deep breath, and wiping away her tears, she stepped out into their room again…

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

            He lay across the bed in boredom, eyes focused on the door.  It would be so easy just to walk out, at that very moment, and let Rinoa continue on with her life, but that selfish side of him he hated so much just wouldn't let him.  The ring was gone from her finger, and she was a free woman.  It was that fact that filled him with a single ray of hope, that maybe, just maybe… But no.  How could he ever expect her to feel that way, after the way he'd treated her.

            The sound of a door creaking open caught his attention, and he turned his head to study the intruder that had interrupted his thoughts.  Rinoa stood there in the doorway of the bathroom, eyes rimmed with red as she clutched a folded piece of paper in her hand.  Upon seeing what she held, his heart skipped a beat, and shot up from his comfortable spot on the bed.

            "So… You were going to leave without saying goodbye, huh?" she asked quietly.

            He opened his mouth to offer some explanation but drew a blank.  "Yeah," he sighed after a moment.  "That was the general idea."

            Rinoa slowly crossed the room, and sat down on the bed next to him, staring into his eyes with unwavering determination.  "You're not going anywhere.  You're going to listen, and listen good, understand?"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A/N:  Well, sorry if this chapter didn't quite make your expectations.  And every word planned perfectly, but it all came to me just as I was falling asleep, so I lost it.  Sorry. 

Next chapter:  Use your imagination… All I'm saying is this one is not for little eyes…


	18. Chapter XVII: Closer

A/N: Happy anniversary to me, happy anniversary to me, happy-happy anniversary, happy anniversary to me! *is celebrating two-year ff.net anniversary* Enjoy the special anniversary updates! WARNING: contains content not suitable for children or people involved with the FCC.  
  
Chapter 17  
  
He just knew, from the look on her face, that it was all over. He closed his eyes and sighed, waiting for her to say those dreaded words: I don't feel the same.  
  
"You. are an unimaginable bastard," she began in a quiet voice. "How could you even think about just leaving me. after all I went through for you!"  
  
He scratched at the back of his neck, and decided that he would try and defend himself so long as she didn't utter those five terrible words. "I thought it would be the best thing for you."  
  
"You were just trying to take the easy way out!" she spat, her eyes boring into his own, even while the tears blurred her vision. "To leave, just so you wouldn't have to face rejection. it's selfish! You're selfish! You don't even know how I feel."  
  
"Call it whatever the hell you want," he growled. "I'm not apologizing this time."  
  
He started to stand up from the bed, but she locked her hand around his arm and pulled him back down with all her strength. "I said you weren't going anywhere, and I meant it!" she yelled. "Why couldn't you just have told me the truth?"  
  
He turned his head away from her, eyes narrowed as he spoke in an angry whisper. "Things would have been awkward then. you wouldn't have wanted to be around me at all. I didn't want that. I know it's selfish, but I couldn't help it."  
  
Rinoa couldn't help but laugh bitterly. "This has all been just one big terrible mess. So, tell me then, now that you have the chance. How do you really feel?"  
  
He turned to look at her, eyes softening just slightly. He knew how he felt, and even knew how to put it into words. After all, he'd had a long time to contemplate it. Still, he just couldn't say it. It was too hard. "I. I can't."  
  
He expected her to be angry, but instead, much to his surprise, she threw her arms around him and buried her face into his chest. "I don't understand you!" she cried. "Every time you have a chance to tell me, you just push me away! How was I supposed to know how you felt. when you told me to leave you." her voice trailed off into a quiet sob.  
  
Squall squeezed his eyes shut, feeling her tears soak through his shirt and dampen his skin. He cursed himself when she began to shake in his arms, and decided he would try his best to make her understand. "I wanted you with me," he replied. "I wanted you. but you were going to just walk out of my life the next morning. It was bad enough that I needed you the way I did. but to surrender to that feeling, only to have you leave. I'm sorry, but I just couldn't."  
  
Slowly, she nodded her understanding, growing still in his embrace. "I never loved Seifer. I accepted his proposal, because I thought you didn't feel the same. I thought maybe, overtime, I would forget. but every time he tried to hold me, the only thing I could think about was. you," she admitted in a hushed whisper.  
  
He tightened his hold on her, gently running a hand through her hair as silence fell between them. She pulled back from him, just slightly, and stared up into his eyes before gently caressing his face with her hand. He closed his eyes once more, and trembled involuntarily beneath her touch. Rinoa stilled her hand upon his cheek, and titled her head to the side in question.  
  
"I'm still scared," he confessed, almost inaudibly.  
  
Rinoa giggled slightly. "Why? I promise I won't bite."  
  
"I'm scared," he continued, "that I'll wake up one morning, and realize that you're gone... just like she."  
  
Her lips silenced him before he could say anything more. The same blissful feeling she had known before was still there, her lips tingling as she gently brushed them against his. He returned the gesture with slight hesitancy, as if he were afraid that it was all just some wonderful dream that he would awake from at any moment.  
  
She placed one last, firm kiss upon his lips before murmuring, "I can't promise you forever. but I can promise you that I will be here with you as long as my life is in my hands. And if I leave this world before you do, I will follow you as a ghost at your side for the rest of your life. But I will never leave you alone so long as I can help it."  
  
Her lips brushed against him with every syllable that she spoke, and another tremor ran through his body. Whether it was the impact of her words, or the feeling of her warm breath dancing across his skin that invoked that reaction in him, he wasn't sure. He did know, however, that he liked it very much.  
  
Squall leaned in and kissed her again, with more confidence this time. Rinoa slid her hands up his chest, and over his shoulders before pressing him harder against her. This time, she was determined to finish what they had started a year ago. She broke away from his demanding lips, before kissing along his jaw line and down his neck. The soft flesh beneath her mouth vibrated slightly as a small moan rose from his throat and reached her ears, sending shivers down her own spine. She raised her head, nipping at his bottom lip once more before capturing his earlobe.  
  
"You can't imagine how long I've dreamed of this," she breathed in his ear. "Since the first time I saw you, I."  
  
Her voice trailed off as she felt strong, rough fingers pull the collar of her shirt to the side, exposing her shoulder to the merciless assault of his lips. He tasted the delicate skin with his tongue before devouring the vulnerable flesh of her neck.  
  
"It can't be longer than I have," he replied.  
  
Rinoa allowed her hands to run up his perfectly sculpted abs, underneath his shirt, before helping him pull it off over his head. She gently pushed him down, until his back was against the mattress, and traced every contour of his chest with her fingertips. Their lips met again, teasingly at first, until she finally parted her lips and allowed him entrance. He gently placed one hand against her face while the other found its way beneath her shirt, and up her back until his fingers were halted by her bra strap.  
  
She sat up, giggling lightly. "You've never taken one off before?"  
  
"I've never put one on," he answered dryly.  
  
"Do my ears deceive me? Did I just hear Squall Leonhart joke?" she asked in mock astonishment as she slowly reached behind her and unhooked the offending object.  
  
He said nothing, his attention now held by her movements. She reached up one sleeve, sliding down the silky white strap until her arm was free. She reached up the other sleeve and pulled the undergarment out from under her shirt completely, before tossing it away.  
  
He reached up, a tiny smirk on his face, and started to unbutton her shirt. She laughed once more, and smacked his hand away, leaning down over him again. She kissed his mouth briefly, before straying lower down his neck, and chest. She covered his exposed body with small, tantalizing kisses, shooting a seductive glance up at him every now and then. Her silken locks fell softly against his skin, tickling him slightly while she unbuttoned the top of his jeans.  
  
He sat up suddenly, pulling her up with him so he could try, once more, to rid her of her shirt. She took both his hands in hers, placing one on her thigh and lifting one to her face. She ran her lips over the pads of his fingers, stopping to lightly suck on the tip from time to time. Meanwhile, her other hand left his, and she took over the job of undoing her top, slipping each button through the hole with slow, deliberate fingers. After a small eternity, her shirt fell open, the sides just barely covering what he so desperately wanted to see.  
  
He grabbed her around the waist, turning her over and laying her against the bed. He pinned her wrists above her head, cautiously placing his free hand on her flat stomach. His eyes searched hers, silently asking her permission. She nodded her head once, and he slowly pushed the cloth aside.  
  
Her breath hitched in her throat as his palm brushed her erect nipple. He watched her reaction for a moment, before lowering his mouth to her hardened peak and giving it an experimental flick of his tongue. Her back arched, pushing her body against him as she let loose a small, surprised moan. He continued to torture her this way, before moving to the other one and gently grazing his teeth over the tip. A desperate whimper reached his ears, and she ran her fingernails over the back of his neck while trying to push herself closer to him.  
  
Squall allowed his hands to slide down the rest of her body, stopping briefly to undo her pants before pulling them down and letting them drop to the floor. He started at her ankles and worked his way back up, raining kisses over the velvety skin of her calves and thighs. She couldn't help but squirm a little as she felt heat pool in her lower regions.  
  
"Getting impatient?" he asked.  
  
"You just wait until it's your turn," she replied breathlessly.  
  
He returned to her lips, giving her a small, chaste kiss as he worked to remove the last bit of her clothing. He sat back to study her then, a rosy flush spreading down her body from both excitement and embarrassment. She had never felt so vulnerable in her life. She chewed her lip slightly as she watched him with growing unease.  
  
"You're gorgeous," he whispered, as if reading her mind.  
  
Her body relaxed slightly as he eased her legs apart, tracing kisses down her inner thighs. Rinoa's panting was interrupted by a sharp intake of air as she felt him try a tentative lick on her most sensitive area. Grinning to himself, he continued his delightful torment of her body, until her legs quivered, and she cried out his name.  
  
She lay back, breathing heavily as waves of pleasure continued to roll through her body. He shifted away from her, and through the haze that clouded her mind she could hear the rustling of clothing.  
  
"Are you sure about this?"  
  
Rinoa nodded, hoping that the fear she felt didn't show through as he positioned himself above her. The locked in another kiss as he slid himself into her tight, slick passage, a groan rumbling through his throat. Dull pangs of pain pricked at her, as she tried to get used to this new, foreign feeling of sharing herself with someone else. Her breath caught as he squeezed her hand and crashed through the last bit of resistance that stood in his way. Pain flooded her senses, and the only way she could do to keep from crying aloud was to take several deep, even breaths.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
She shook her head, feeling the pain slowly ebb away. "It's alright. I wanted this."  
  
He stilled himself within her for several long moments, until she finally nodded her approval. He moved slowly at first, clamping down on his instincts. Small moans and sighs escaped her lips, assuring him that she was enjoying it just as much as he was, yet still, he moved at a painfully slow rate, as if trying to demonstrate his self control.  
  
"Squall," she whimpered as she dug her nails fiercely into his back. "Faster."  
  
"Say please," he replied in a low, husky rumble.  
  
"Bastard," she moaned, thrusting her hips against him in an attempt to speed him along.  
  
He pressed her hips into the mattress, chuckling a bit. "I don't think so."  
  
She pouted, running her tongue along the edge of his ear before whispering, "You'll get tired of this eventually."  
  
He sped up for a moment, causing her body to writhe in ecstasy before he slowed his pace once more. "I've waited a year," he panted. "Another few minutes aren't going to kill me."  
  
"Bastard. please!"  
  
"I knew you'd see it my way."  
  
Rinoa had to wrap her arms tightly around him to keep herself steady against his sudden forcefulness. Now that she had given in, he wasn't wasting any time, proving to her that he needed it just as badly as she did.  
  
She could feel herself teetering on the edge as her limbs began to tremble. Her body was reaching out for something, silently begging for the release it craved. She vocalized her need with another desperate moan, the age-old rhythm driving her into a frenzy of desire. He answered her with an animal-like growl of his own, feeling her body tense beneath him.  
  
An explosion of color danced before her eyes, as his name tore from her throat one last time, in the form of a delighted scream. A feeling of absolute bliss rolled through her body, and he followed closely behind her, howling her name as if in answer to her cry.  
  
They collapsed beside each other in an exhausted, sweaty heap. As soon as she had caught her breath enough to talk, she said, "So, that's what I was missing out on all this time," in between gasps.  
  
Squall pulled her body close to his, a feeling of peace and contentment lulling him into a sleep-like state as he reveled in the simple feeling of having his arms around her. "Don't worry," he replied in a low, slightly hoarse voice. "I promise I'll make it up to you."  
  
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////////////////////////////  
  
A/N: Sorry if it sucked. I wasn't really in the 'mood' to write this, but I wanted to get it posted today, so I forced myself to continue. Hope you enjoyed somewhat. 


	19. Chapter XVIII: Faith

A/N: Sorry about the delay. There are only a few more chapters left here, though, so enjoy!  
  
Chapter 18  
  
It was amazing how one could feel betrayed by a room full of inanimate objects. The room itself stood still, and everything inside it was so painfully familiar, even while he no longer recognized his own life. It was amazing how only one day, one instant could change everything so much...  
  
_ Click..._  
  
It was as if the sound signified some kind of shift in the universe, as if it had turned upside down and was locking into its new place with the floor on the ceiling and the roof beneath his feet. Just the one little sound made when she readied his own weapon against him...  
  
His eyes caught on the picture that had been sitting on his desk for months now. There was that same empty smile, shielded beneath the gleaming surface of the glass. It was difficult to think that one chanced glance at this photo could have led to all of this. It was impossible to believe that his story could turn out like this. Wasn't the hero supposed to get the girl?  
  
The high-pitched cry of glass as it shattered into dozens of little pieces disrupted his thoughts, and he realized then that he'd slammed his fist down on the picture frame, causing it to meet violently with the surface of his desk. He couldn't help the bitter smile that formed on his face. The shinning surface had finally been broken.  
  
"Seifer, you okay, man?"  
  
He wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or lash out, but he settled instead for just a simple nod. "What can I do for you?" he asked, calmly slipping the busted remnants of the photograph into a drawer.  
  
"A new case, of course," Raijin answered, laying a collection of papers on his friend's desk.  
  
Seifer glanced over them. "Raijin, this is a kidnapping case. In case you don't remember, this is the homicide department."  
  
"I know, but just look at it. Look at the name on it. The guy's kid has been nabbed, but he's been trying to keep it all hush-hush, you know? He doesn't want it getting out."  
  
"I get that, but what does it have to do with our department?"  
  
"Look at his occupation."  
  
Seifer stood up, nearly knocking his chair over in the process. "Get him on the phone, right away!"

()()()()()()()()

Sometimes, when you first open your eyes in the morning, it's like seeing the world for the first time. All its beauty, all of its imperfections born anew with the light of day. An endless array of possibilities seem to stretch out beyond the horizon, as if you could take flight and drift from one thing to the other without direction, without purpose... It was a good thing freedom was not yet his to take. There had been few words, with such immense concepts attached that had scared him more. Now there was only uncertainty to deal with.  
  
Innocence, as pure as it might appear, was a fickle and complicated thing, and the chances that he would ever attain such a label were slim. So what then? They couldn't run forever. It was a pleasant little escape from reality, to flit from town to town without consequence with the cheerful ambiance of a newly weds' honeymoon, yet it could never last. It would only be a matter of time before money ran out, or the cops caught up, and in that, he could see only a bleak end for the both of them. No, he couldn't let it happen, not to her. He refused to see her gunned down in the middle of some stand off like the kind of tragic catastrophe you see on the evening news.  
  
The age-old question was ever present in his mind: Where do we go from here? Even if, by some miracle, his name were cleared, how would life go on? By now she had probably lost her job, and he hadn't one to support her with. Despite what Quistis had always said, he didn't believe he had any outstanding talents, but he couldn't just live off his... his what? His wife? Is that what he wanted? He believed so. But what about her? Could she even tolerate him for that long?  
  
He sighed heavily, finding no answers despite the desperate search of his mind. His future was a series of blank pages, waiting for him to fill in the story... and yet, he couldn't seem to find his pen. Yeah... some husband he'd make...  
  
It was an impossible struggle of desperation and belief. He wanted, no, needed to make a move. He had to choose his path before he was met with a dead-end road. But he couldn't see beyond the present, couldn't budge from the spot he was in for the simple fact that he didn't believe he could do it. His future was too dark to have a happy ending. The best he could hope for was to get Rinoa out of his own mess before she suffered from it anymore.  
  
He tightened his hold on the sleeping woman in reaction to his thoughts of letting her go. "You don't need this... but I'm not sure I'm strong enough to let you go," he whispered.  
  
"I already told you once, you're not getting rid of me."  
  
He jumped slightly at the sound of his lover's voice, having been certain that she was still in a deep, peaceful slumber. "You have to understand Rinoa... I... If anything ever happened to you..."  
  
"It won't."  
  
"Don't!" he started, then took a deep breath to steady his temper. "Don't make promises you might not be able to keep, Rinoa. You can't predict the future. I want you here more than anything, but your safety is more important than what I want."  
  
"And what about what I want?" she demanded.  
  
"Just because you want me here now doesn't me you will later. You'll get tired of me eventually."  
  
A sharp stinging sensation met with his arm and he looked to see a hand-shaped mark on it. "I'm not that kind of person, and I'm insulted that you would even think that! Or do you assume that because that's how you are?"  
  
He grabbed both of her hands and held them against his chest to prevent another strike. "That's not what I meant! Rinoa... you deserve a good life. Something much better than I can offer you. I'm not sure I can even stand on my own two feet, how am I supposed to support you, too? Look, even if all this does work out... I still don't know what I'm doing. I don't think I can..."  
  
"Well, it doesn't matter what you think," she cut him off. "I know things aren't exactly stable in this world, but... I have faith in you."

He opened his mouth but no words would come out. People had always counted on him, always believed in him because all the odds were to his favor. He was a gifted student, after all, and they believed that because of that, he could do anything. Now, his life was nothing short of a train wreck, and all the odds were stacked against him... yet she believed in him. She had faith, not in the likelihood of his success, but in him, as a person, unlike everyone else. And how could you have faith in yourself if no one else did?  
  
Gathering her up into his arms, he decided that, even if he was fumbling around in the dark, he'd feel his way out if he had to. He'd keep walking his path and make the right turns as he came to them. After all, if Rinoa believed in him, he must be good for something, right? "Yeah," he said at last, his apprehension calming. "I have faith in you, too.

()()()()()()()()

He stared at the phone, the cause of his great mental debate, the source of his anguish and indecision. He owed them nothing. In fact, he had already given them more than he should have. So what was this feeling, this urgent need to help despite all that he had been put through in the past couple of days because of them, or, moreover, because of her? It was so painfully obvious that even he, the king of denial, knew that it was useless to lie to himself about it. He still cared about her.  
  
Seifer wasn't sure how the tiny piece of information sitting on his desk fit into Rinoa's current predicament, but then again, maybe she knew more than he did. Maybe she had the rest of the pieces to the puzzle, and need only this one last thing to make it all complete. Sighing to himself he picked up the phone and dialed her cell phone number.  
  
"Hello?" the word was accompanied by a small yawn, and without his permission, his mind wondered if she was sleeping alone.  
  
Growling at himself to chase the thought away, he picked up the file in front of him and briefly scanned the information before saying, "Rinoa?"  
  
"Seif-" she interrupted herself with a sigh, as if not wanting to say his name aloud. No, she was definitely not alone. "What do you want?"  
  
"Sorry," he bit out, voice lacking a single trace of remorse. "Just thought you might want to know about your old boss's problem."  
  
"What? What do you mean?"  
  
"Cid Kramer. You've heard of him, right?"  
  
"Yeah, of course, I used to work for him. What about him?"  
  
"Well, I'm not sure what this means, but, apparently his daughter has been kidnapped. He didn't want that information leaving this station, and I get the feeling there's something he doesn't want to tell us. Does that make any sense to you?"  
  
"I'm afraid not. But I'll keep it in mind. Listen, I've got to get going before someone traces this call or something. If I find anything out, I'll let you know. Thanks."  
  
He hung up the phone and sighed again, wondering, not for the first time, what he'd done. What if Squall had been the one that kidnapped Cid's daughter? What if it was only a matter of time before he killed Rinoa, too?  
  
A frown tugged at his lips, and he shook his head. "I guess I'll just have to have faith in her judgment."

()()()()()()()()

"Mr. Kramer goes home in the evening, around six p.m. Of course, there are guards around his office, so it won't be easy to get inside. The guards will change shifts at eight p.m. The door to the office will be unguarded for a total of two minutes, at least, that's the average." Margaret frowned and glanced around nervously. "That's the best I can do."  
  
"That's good enough," Isabella nodded. "Do you have the keys?"  
  
"Yes, but... oh, if anyone ever found out I'd be fired for certain!"  
  
"Look at it this way. Squall could be innocent, and this piece of evidence could prove it. You wouldn't want an innocent man to go to jail, or worse, get the death penalty, would you? Besides, this is for Rinoa."  
  
Margaret sighed. "Yes, that's the only reasons I'm doing this. I don't want a guilty conscience... and Rinoa was an awfully nice girl."  
  
"It's settled then," Isabella said. "It's seven forty-five now... it may be short notice, but we have to do this today. Time is against them, after all. Zell, are you ready?"  
  
The blonde-haired man grinned and nodded. "Yep... I just hope those two are happy... spending the afternoon drugged is not my idea of fun."  
  
"Don't worry. If nothing else, I appreciate it," she smiled. "Alright, now, watch the clock. At seven fifty-nine, exactly, you'll have to start throwing a fit, as planned. At seven fifty-eight, I'll go downstairs, like I'm going home from my visit, and take the key. By the time I get down there, Margaret will be calling all the extra nurses from the first floor to her aid. I'll stand there, acting confused as to what's going up upstairs, until the shift change begins. Then I'll sneak in, check Cid's vault, grab the tape and leave before the guards are replaced. Everyone ready?"  
  
Her two reluctant companions nodded. "Great! Now we just have to wait."  
  
At exactly seven fifty-eight, Isabella took the elevator down, and as usual, it went slowly, having to make several stops on the way. She smiled at each person that stepped in and out, trying her hardest not to show the anxiety building within her. If any of them were caught... The doors opened up, and as she stepped out onto the white linoleum of the first floor's main hallway, she heard Margaret's voice over the speakers, requesting help from all nurses. Immediately they poured from the various offices and halls they'd been in and piled into the elevators. Isabella paused in the hallway, glancing up at the clock there as she did. It was almost eight o'clock...  
  
"Hmm... Wonder what's going on up there?" Isabella said, feigning absent-minded conversation.  
  
The guard nearby shrugged. "No clue." He checked the clock. "Finally, I can get out of here."  
  
Isabella headed for the door, watching from the corner of her eyes as the guards headed into their locker room. As soon as the last one was gone from her sight, she made a mad dash down a small side corridor to Cid's office, quietly closing the door behind her. With the key Margaret gave her, she opened the vault, where they'd decided he would have that particular tape kept, and sure enough, there it was, locked away with a few other tapes and files. She closed the heavy iron door back as silently as possible before heading out the door, and out of the asylum, tucking the tape beneath her bulky jacket as she did so.  
  
By the time she had driven to her apartment, her heart had almost returned to its normal pace, at least until she remembered that she still had to watch it. Yes, she would watch it first and warn Rinoa, so that the poor girl wouldn't have to endure a terrible shock, were that the case. Popping the tape into her VCR, she watched intently, waiting... waiting until she saw another person enter the room where Quistis was combing over files...  
  
"I should've known..."  
  
A/N: Ooooh, cliffhanger! Sorry this chapter was kinda boring, and you had to wait so long. No inspiration, you know.  
  
Next chapter: Well, after writing this one, I think I can safely say that next chapter is the last. 


	20. Chapter XIX: Perfection

A/N: Well, this is the last chapter, so I hope you enjoy. I'll be coming out with something new soon, under the title of an old fic I took down, so look for it.  
  
Chapter 19  
  
Sunlight flittered in through the slits in the blinds as she slowly pushed one up with her fingertip and peeked out into the world beyond. The street outside was quiet, still, and lifeless. She had the feeling, as she stood there, as if the gates of hell were slowly creeping open, and she could do nothing but sit and wait.  
  
Even now, she wasn't quite sure what made her agree to this. Was it an act of devotion, or simply desperation? Her fist tightened at her side, and she bit deeply into her lip at the wave of jealousy that followed her ponderings. There was no doubt that desperation played some kind of role. The whole reason for this elaborate scheme was to prove his love for another, yet, she was his wife, the one he was supposed to shower with attention, the one he was supposed to pine over. And after all he'd put her through...  
  
Her thoughts were disrupted by a shuffling sound within the room behind her. She turned away from the window, emerald eyes roaming over the mostly empty space. There, on a pile of blankets in the floor, her tiny companion stirred from her sleep. Looking at her only made her heart pound faster within her chest, as the paranoia she barely held at bay in the back of her mind came rushing forward again. What if they caught her, what if something went wrong, what if...  
  
As though the girl were reading the older woman's thoughts, she said, "My daddy will catch you. He'll catch you and make you pay for taking me away from him."  
  
She didn't want to cringe, afraid that the girl would pounce like a wild dog if she sensed her fear, but she couldn't keep the expression off her face. She swallowed, taking a deep gulp of air to settle herself before saying, "Just keep quiet, or something very bad will happen to you."  
  
The girl smiled, rather unpleasantly, knowing that the threat was hollow. The woman stood, quivering before her, clutching at her chest as if in pain. "My daddy will get me away from here," she repeated, taking on the tone of a spoiled rich brat. "He'll send you off to jail for doing this!"  
  
"Stop it!" the woman cried, grabbing her head in her hands. "You have no idea what it's like! No idea!"  
  
"I don't care," the little girl huffed. "Take me to my daddy now, and I'll see about asking him to go easy on you."

* * *

She took a deep breath, one arm crossed over her chest and the other leaned against the window seal, slender fingers thrumming against the old wood. She was tense, he could tell by the rigid set of her shoulders as she stood with her back to him. He walked the couple of steps that separated them and slid his arms around her waist, glancing at the setting sun over her shoulder.  
  
"So what did he want?"  
  
"To tell me about Cid Kramer's kid. She was kidnapped. I have no idea how that relates to anything, but he thought it might be useful, so..."  
  
"I'm not sure I'll ever understand you," he murmured.  
  
Rinoa giggled. "Why not?"  
  
"I still don't understand... why you would chose me over him," he clarified hesitantly.  
  
She turned in his embrace, laying her head on his chest for a moment. "I think you all ready know," she whispered. "Maybe you're just fishing for it, huh?"  
  
"No, I really don't understand."  
  
She shook her head, trying to fight off the smile that threatened to curl her lips upward. A flash of red light pulsed through the room, the sound of screeching tires against the pavement outside the window sending a shiver down her spine. "I chose you because, no matter what happens," she paused for a moment, the sound of several doors slamming causing her eyes to fill with tears. Her hands fisted in his shirt, and she swallowed hard, a need to never let go of him griping her chest and squeezing her heart in a death grip. "I love you."

* * *

The slow descent of the elevator ground her nerves into dust as she impatiently tapped her foot against the ground. The guard that stood in front of her shot her an annoyed glance, which she met with one of equal irritation. She was nervous, paranoid of returning here since the stunt she'd pulled the night before. Security seemed to have been stepped up since then, but no one had spoken a word or even thrown an accusatory glance her way when she showed up that morning to request a meeting, so she assumed she was in the clear for now.  
  
The elevator finally came to a stop, the number nine lit up in red on a screen above the door. Taking a deep breath, she allowed the guard to escort her through the halls, which were eerily empty. Having spent most of her time in an area where patients were free to roam most of the time, it was strange and discomforting to be in a place that was so empty and quiet, aside from the occasional yell or screech.  
  
Finally, he led her into a mostly empty room that resembled the lounge area on her former floor, except that the door required a card key to enter. There were a few people inside, most of them probably visitors who were lucky to have gotten clearance to see their loved ones and friends. At a table in the far corner, an older woman sat, her sandy locks streaked with gray and pulled back from her wrinkled face. She seemed normal enough as she sat there in a white jumpsuit, and for a moment, Isabella doubted that this was the same woman from her memories, the same woman she'd seen looming over her father, smatters of crimson painting her clothes. She pulled out a chair and sat down in front of the woman, glancing briefly over her should to make sure the guard was by the door, and hadn't moved any closer.  
  
"What brings you here?" the woman asked in a voice that reminded her of sandpaper. It made Isabella frown a bit, as she realized the voice was an effect of the smoking habit the two shared.  
  
"I have a question to ask," Isabella replied, and reached into her purse. She had called Margaret the night before, after she'd gotten home and found that Rinoa's cell phone couldn't be reached. The nurse had done a bit of research for her, and Isabella had met with her earlier that day, just long enough to pick up what she needed. Isabella pulled out a small picture and, her eyes darting around the room to make sure no one was looking, pushed the photo in front of the older woman. "Do you know this man?"  
  
Her companion nodded. "I've seen him around. I take it this isn't a family get together, huh?"  
  
"I'm only here on business," Isabella snapped. "What can you tell me about him? Unofficial information. What have you heard?"  
  
"I haven't heard anything that's worth telling to you."  
  
Casting another worried glance about the room, she slid a pack of cigarettes to the woman, who quickly hid them and smiled. "That's my girl. Well, maybe I've heard a little something. It's said that he's got something on the big man down stairs, you know. It does seem odd, because he requested a meeting with Cid, something Cid rarely ever allows with patients up here, but he allowed it this time. He seemed pretty cocky about it, like he had something hidden up his sleeve. I heard rumors his wife had gotten a job here, too, under the disguise of his sister."  
  
"Why would they let his sister work here, but not his wife?" Isabella asked.  
  
Her mother cracked a smile. "Marriages are supposed to be sacred bonds, you know. A brother and sister are close, of course, but a wife... maybe they feel a wife would do something more drastic than a sister?"  
  
"Sacred bonds mean nothing to you," Isabella hissed, then immediately wished she hadn't. Her mother had said it that way on purpose, just to get a rise out of her. "Forget it. So that means he's probably had contact with an outsider? That must have something to do with what he has over Cid. But what could it be?"  
  
"Don't know anything more than that, sorry."  
  
Isabella nodded. "Yeah, well... I've almost got it figured out. There's just one piece missing..."

* * *

She almost didn't hear the phone go off in her purse. For the past half hour, she had been dead to the world. She knew that hope wasn't lost, it wasn't like he was dead, after all, but knowing that he had to face this alone... that was the worst part of everything. Never in her life had she felt so helpless as she did when she watched him walk out that door, hands reached toward the sky in a display of peace. She had wanted to hold on to him, had thought foolishly that so long as she refused to let go, they couldn't take him away from her. She would have kept on that way, were it not for the words he'd spoken to her.  
  
_"I want you to do something for me."  
  
"Anything," she whispered in reply.  
  
"Let me go."  
  
Her eyes widened, more tears slipping at the words he breathed against her ear. "Why?" she choked out. "You... you want to leave me?"  
  
"No, of course not," he murmured and stroked her hair lovingly. "I told you before that your safety means more to me than my freedom. I won't endanger you."  
  
She shook her head, throat tightening painfully as another sob escaped despite her best attempts to keep quiet. Outside, the voice of one of the cops blared over a megaphone, demanding Squall to give himself up. "Your freedom is more important to me," she answered finally, struggling to get the words passed the dry lump that had formed within her neck.  
  
"If you love me," he reasoned after a moment, "then you'll do this one thing for me. I couldn't stand it if something happened to you. I would die. This way, it isn't over yet. There's still hope. Do you believe in me?"  
  
She could do nothing but nod, her vocal cords no longer functioning. He kissed her forehead, still running his fingers through her silken locks, her face buried in his neck as she trembled.  
  
"Then you have to trust me. We'll make it out of this together." He took her hand and squeezed it, before tilting her chin up with his finger. "I promise you that."  
  
He brushed his lips across hers, as if sealing his promise to return, then slowly turned away, a look of deep sadness in his eyes, and headed out the door.  
_  
The familiar, yet distant ring tone shook her from the memory she had replayed in her head since that moment. Over the past half hour, she had told the cops her story, emphasizing the point that she had come with him of her own free will. They were convinced that she was lying because he threatened to harm her if she didn't. She didn't bother trying to argue the point when she knew they wouldn't listen. Instead, Rinoa just sat there, tears still slowly slipping down her face, even as she grasped the phone in her hands and lifted it to her ear, making sure that she was not being watched.  
  
"Rinoa... I watched the tape."

* * *

It reminded him a lot of the last night he spent in solitary confinement almost a year ago. This time, however, it was worse, knowing that when the morning came, there was no guarantee he'd see Rinoa, no guarantee that he'd get out of that place any time soon.  
  
_"So what if you don't? Isn't this what you deserve, trying to drag her down with you?"_  
  
He squeezed his eyes shut as he leaned against the wall, trying to shut out the negative voices that still lingered. They had lessened their hold on him quite a bit once his doubts about Rinoa were laid to rest, but now that he was away from her...  
  
_ "You'll never get out of here. Just forget it. You'll never see her again, and you don't deserve to."  
_  
(It's true, I don't. Who knows what she's going through right now because of me?)  
  
He slumped even further against the icy stone, eyes roaming the dark void of the room. If nothing else he was lucky he wasn't forced to share. Right now, if he had to be here, he wanted to be left alone to his thoughts of self-loathing.  
  
Sighing, he put a hand to his forehead. (I fucked up so much... I wouldn't have made it even this far on my own.)  
  
_ She would be very unhappy if she saw you now. Everything she worked to accomplish is being quickly erased.  
_  
He allowed his eyes to ease open at this. It had been nothing more than another stray voice, yet the words struck him in a way much different than the others had. (What did she work for?) he wondered. (To help me escape?)  
  
_You know she has faith in you, yet you forget her words and actions so quickly.  
_  
(She said she loved me... that she believed in me, and had faith in me. Why would she waste all that on someone like me?)  
  
_ Do you think she's blind, or an idiot?  
_  
(Why would she waste her time with someone like me, unless... unless she sees something in me that I don't.)  
  
_You've always been a blind fool, now is no exception_.  
  
(Is there even any need to question it anymore? I'm too selfish to let her go, anyway. And she's proven so many times that she'd do anything for me...)  
  
_ She's been lying to you, using you_, a different voice hissed.  
  
(No! I refuse to believe that! You're the one lying to me!)  
  
_ You can't trust anyone but yourself_.  
  
(I trust her more than I trust myself.)  
  
_You doubt her..._  
  
(No, I doubt only myself. But if she finds no reason to doubt me...)  
  
He closed his eyes again. Wasn't her believing in him reason enough to believe in himself? He felt like he was running around in constant circles in his mind, battling old demons and trying to face down each doubt and question with a solid answer. It was something he had tried to do before, but for the first time... he was winning.  
  
As he drifted off to sleep that night, thoughts of a raven-haired woman dancing across his mind, the voices were still there. But for once, with no other presence but his own nearby, they were quieter, more distant... For once, the only thing he really doubted, were the doubts themselves.

* * *

The hall was mostly silent aside from the ticking of the clock that was mounted on the wall. It had been a very slow day, and few people had been through the building. The guard closed his eyes and leaned against the wall, counting off each second that brought him closer to home. As he drifted off into these thoughts, a loud 'bang' reached his ears, and he opened his eyes just in time to see the glass door bounce off the opposite wall.  
  
Rinoa stomped through the hallway, her footsteps echoing in the mostly abandoned stretch of building. She took a sharp left, anger evident in her every movement, and marched straight into Cid's office, easily evading the guard that made a grab for her arm.  
  
She jerked open the knob, somewhat relieved that it wasn't locked, though this emotion never once touched her face. She slammed open the door, much as she'd done with the door to the lobby, and came to stand in front of Cid's desk, a look of pure rage churning within her typically amiable eyes.  
  
"I know everything."

* * *

She had spent all night poring over the files, searching to find an answer both for herself and for the woman she would confront today. The words that she'd read, the simple black and white text within that looked so harmless and ordinary at first glance... thinking about it still sent shivers down her spine.  
  
Rinoa would not back down from this, however. She could have called the police and had them deal with it, but a thought occurred to her while in the middle of the dialing process. She had done everything within her power for Squall, would've done more if she had been able to, and it was all because of the way she felt for him. Though she knew Squall would never ask of her something as terrible or as risky as what this woman had done, she realized that she was not so different than this woman she'd met only once. They both loved someone so much that they would do anything to keep harm from them. The only difference here was that Squall cared about Rinoa enough not to ask. Selphie's feelings, judging from what Rinoa had gathered from the files, had gone mostly unrequited.  
  
She stepped up to the door and took a deep breath. If ever there were a time she needed her training, now would be it. She would have to reason with this girl, try to strike a chord of sympathy by showing her understanding, by explaining that she knew what Selphie was going through. Slowly, Rinoa raised a hand to the door and knocked.  
  
Her heart slammed into her chest as the pounding on the wooden barrier reached her ears. Taking a deep gulp of air, Selphie peeked out through the blinds, seeing a woman in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt standing on her front porch. The woman looked casual enough, not at all like an investigator. As she debated whether or not to open the door, the little girl stood from her spot on the floor and bolted down the hallway.  
  
Selphie barely caught up to her and guided her back to her room, shutting the door and locking the girl in before going to answer the door. It seemed her visitor would not go away until someone answered. She opened the door a crack and peered out, a gasp spilling from her lips as she recognized her after a moment of close scrutiny. She started to slam the door, but Rinoa jammed her foot in the open space.  
  
"Wait!" she pleaded. "I just need to talk. I came here on my own, no one is with me, and no one is listening in."  
  
"Go away!" Selphie cried. "I don't know who you are but I-"  
  
"I know you have her in there," Rinoa began again. "I could have called the cops, but I didn't. I wanted to talk to you first. I understand what you're doing."  
  
The door opened just a little more. For the past couple of days, Selphie had been asking herself repeatedly what she was doing, why she was doing it. She had yet to find an answer, and yet, this person claimed to know? "What do you mean you understand?"  
  
"You love him. You would do anything for him, even kidnap a child. You know... I once held a gun to a cop's head for the man I love." Selphie's eyes widened slightly at this admission. "But there's a difference between your situation and mine," Rinoa continued. "He wouldn't let me do something like this for him. If he could've stopped me then, he would have. He cares about what happens to me, because he returns my feelings... Irvine-"  
  
"Don't," Selphie cut her off. "Don't you think I know all ready that he doesn't love me?"  
  
"But do you understand why?" Rinoa asked. "Do you understand why he did what he did, how he did it? Don't you want to?"  
  
Tears squeezed out from the girl's emerald eyes and she could do nothing but nod in response, a faint whimper forming in her throat. She slowly stepped aside and let Rinoa in, offering her a seat on the sofa in her living room. She sat down and watched as Selphie seated herself in the chair across from her, eyes aimed at the carpet.  
  
"You got a job working in the archives department," Rinoa began, "so that you could be closer to him. You even went so far as to call yourself his sister because you were afraid if they knew you were his wife they wouldn't let you in. That letter you asked me to deliver that day... it was only one of many messages that passed between you, wasn't it?" At Selphie's weak nod in agreement, she continued. "In one of those letters, he told you what he was going to do, and that, without your help, he would be caught. So he told you to kidnap Cid's daughter."  
  
"But why?" Selphie sobbed. "Why did he have to..."  
  
"He knew the kind of person Squall was, not just from his other connections in the asylum, but because he knew him before. I'm sure you remember... the woman Irvine was serious about in college? He threw aside his high school relationship with you for her," Rinoa stated. "Her name was..."  
  
"Ellone Leonhart," Selphie finished. "He loved her so much... he came back to me after she died, but I could tell he hadn't gotten over her. He never has. He started to act so strange," she recalled.  
  
Rinoa nodded. "Squall was Ellone's little brother. That's how Irvine knew him. He also knew, from the news reports, that Squall had been driving the car when it crashed and Ellone died." She chuckled, though the sound was slightly bitter. "Squall blamed himself, but he wasn't the only one. Irvine did, too. But it's strange, how alike the two are in some ways. Irvine suffered from the same condition Squall does, but on a much more violent level. Ironically, he ended up in the same asylum as the man he carried so much hatred toward... he had an episode, after about two years of marriage to you, and ended up killing an innocent stranger that bore a slight resemblance to Squall."  
  
"It's not his fault," Selphie cried. "He just can't handle his emotions."  
  
"I know," Rinoa replied calmly. "About seven or eight months ago, I was ordered to go up to the ninth floor to sedate a few patients that had gotten loose. I was carrying your letter with me, at the time, thinking I would deliver the message then. Squall over heard what I was supposed to do up there, and he came after me. He was worried about me," at this, Rinoa smiled slightly, her mind briefly remembering the concerned look in his eyes, and the kiss they'd shared on the elevator down. "While I was there, Irvine attacked me. Your letter, which had been in my coat pocket, must have fallen out then. Squall rescued me from him, and it must have been then that Irvine saw him and recognized him. So he began to plot revenge, now that he had such a prime opportunity. He got you to pay someone for something... but you never questioned why."  
  
"He told me to pay a cafeteria staff member for something... but he never told me what."  
  
"You paid off the cafeteria worker, so he slipped sleeping pills into Squall's food. While Squall was asleep that night, Irvine murdered Quistis Trepe, Squall's doctor that everyone knew he hated, then, slipping past security, he snuck into Squall's room and placed the knife in his hands long enough to get his fingerprints on it, before placing it in his draw. Irvine wore a pair of latex gloves he'd stolen from somewhere within the building. They aren't hard to get a hold of. Then he had you kidnap Cid's daughter on the same night, so that morning, Irvine went to talk to Cid, and told him that he had better destroy the security tape from Quistis' office or his daughter would be killed. It was lucky for Squall that Cid hadn't gotten around to destroying it yet."  
  
"So... Everyone knows now? They know Irvine did it?" she choked out.  
  
"Not yet. Only a handful of people know. Cid refuses to do anything until his daughter is returned safely. That's why I'm here. Selphie... you have to give her up."  
  
Selphie shook her head vigorously, standing from the chair abruptly. "No! If I do... Irvine, he'll..."  
  
"He'll go to prison?" Rinoa asked, and couldn't help the anger that made its way into her voice. "Squall is all ready headed there because of Irvine. I love Squall, Selphie... and I know he loves me. You have a choice to make. You can let me and Squall be happy together, or you can continue to try and love a man from afar, a man that will never love you back, that will never make you happy! I know how you feel... that's why I wanted to give you a chance to release her, and perhaps avoid a heavy sentence. You can get off easier, then you can come back and get on with your life with someone new! Someone that wouldn't ask you to put yourself on the line when he never intended to do the same. As a human being, you have a right to be loved, Selphie. You can move on with your life and find it. Please, Selphie... don't tear me and Squall apart."  
  
The smaller woman's knees buckled, and she collapsed on the floor, shaking wildly as she wept. "I... I don't know where to start."  
  
Rinoa knelt down beside her, and placed a comforting arm around her shoulder. "Just take it one step at a time. The first step... is just letting go."

* * *

The waking world ensnared her mind, as if burying a hook into her consciousness and dragging her away from the utter bliss of her slumber. The radiating warmth that surrounded her held sweet promises of the dream- like reality she would find upon opening her eyes, and a contented sigh slipped from her parted lips as she snuggled closer to him.  
  
"It's almost noon," he told her in a groggy voice.  
  
"It's Saturday, the office is closed," she replied with a yawn.  
  
"I think I wore you out, Doctor Heartilly," he murmured, running his fingers through her hair.  
  
From the corner of his eye, the sparkle of a diamond ring caught his attention as she lifted her hand up to caress his cheek. "I think you did, too. You were an _incredible_ patient last night, Mister Leonhart. I hope your good behavior continues after your probation is over."  
  
"I had forgotten about that," he answered. "I have... two weeks left, don't I?"  
  
She nodded against his bared chest and giggled. After Squall was cleared of the charges against him, there was still the question of where to send him. Rinoa had been quick to jump in and offer to watch over him under a yearlong probation. The judge agreed, and from what their latest evaluations showed, Squall had improved drastically under Rinoa's 'care'. "Yeah... after that, you'll be a free man."  
  
"You mean free to continue out 'unethical' relationship without the courts poking in?"  
  
Rinoa nodded. "Yeah. Free to go to Zell and Isabella's engagement party as a couple. Free to not have to hide my own ring every time I step out of the house. You know, I'm thinking, between the money I make at the office, and the money you made after selling that story you're writing, we should be able to afford a decent wedding of our own."  
  
"Someday, I want to make enough for you to have your own practice like you've always wanted."  
  
She shook her head and propped herself up with her elbows against his chest. "That doesn't really matter to me anymore. I'm happy with the way things are. It's not perfect but..."  
  
"I'm all the perfection you need?" he finished in one of his rare displays of humor that he had developed over time.  
  
She couldn't help but smile, just as she always did when he was in one of his more light-hearted moods. He still had his moments, of course, and every now and then, he'd told her, he could still hear those voices of doubt in the back of his mind. But it happened less and less as the time went by, and there was no question that he was slowly healing. No, things weren't completely perfect, but...  
  
"Yeah... all your flaws and imperfections... they all look perfect to me."

* * *

A/N: Well, this is it. This fic was really close to my heart, and I struggled with it quite a bit. I feel the ending was a little too mushy, but over all, I'm happy with it. I hope you guys have enjoyed it, and thanks to all of you that came along for the ride. It's been quite a trip, hasn't it? 


End file.
